Saturday, February 24, 2007

Your Mom's Face

Spruce Moose,

Your Tubey is awesome! I love the colors...I think they are prettier than the original! (shh, don't tell knitty) That Sister is the baddest cat in town. She is almost as bad as Oscar. This morning, he came into my room and clawed at everything I own, plus the walls and floor in turn. Slowly and deliberately. For an hour. And he would turn around and look at me while he was doing it. I later realized it was because his food bowl was empty. I guess his ginormous belly and ass need a constant intake of calories. He is the main CAT-alist (he he) for me wanting a bigger apartment. He also bullies Freddie. Let us keep in mind that Oscar is about 7 months old, and Fred is goin' on 3.

I am currently working on the baby kimono, among other things, for Tia the Coworker. I will be sure to do a photo shoot before I wrap them up and give them to her. Watching other people plan for their babies makes me think about what I would do if I ever, ya know, pushed one out. My baby would be all dressed in crazy handknits and tiny little hippie dresses, even if it was a boy. Also, I would totally use cloth diapers. I know it can be done, because my parents did it. I think they still have those cloth diapers for dusting furniture and waxing cars. I am dead serious.

...But no babies for now! I enjoy my spending, sleeping, and drinking habits just the way they are, thankyouverymuch. Hey! Why don't we get all Sex In the City and have an "I'm not having a baby" party!?! And we can "register" at....well, I guess the comparison to Sex in the City stops here, because I was going to say we can register at delia's and the wine store.

I think "Delia and the wine store" should be the name for another one of our bands. Except it sounds like the name of a christian rock band. Sorry this post is a little erratic. I had about a billion cups of coffee today. I also tried this mint flavored water I got from the health food store. It really freshened my breath, which came in handy when some lady had to complain to me today. I hate being the "end of the line" when it comes to complaints. Because people get so upset over something that is usually a miscommunication on their end, and they will not let it go and they will not stop talking for a moment so that I can address their concerns. I'm all, "mm-hmm, yes....I agree wi....yeah.....uh-huh, yeah........" and so on until they have said their peace and go. Until I became a manager, I never how much freedom is built into the phrase, "okay. Let me go get my mananger." It is also really uncomfortable to be the person in charge, and get totally cut down by some angry person in front of the whole staff, and just have to take it. It makes it sort of hard to hold on to your authority and dignity.

Oh! Listen to this! I was looking through my lease to find out exactly when I had to be out of my apartment, and in one of the paragraphs, in tiny print, on the lease addendum page, was a statement that said that by signing this lease, you are agreeing to give ninety (90) days notice before vacating the premesis. Ninety days! That is three month's notice. And every renter who's ever been screwed knows that the punishment for not submitting written notice in time is an extra month's rent. Ninety days. That is playing fucking dirty, if you ask me.

Well, I gotta go do my Cher stepaerobics tape. Cheers!
-Braximus Maximus


Karida said...

I wanna be part of the no baby party! They're frighteningly smelly and noisy and drain your time and resources. I like sleeping in and spending my money on random stuff like yarn and liquor.

And I think I could get just as excited about making tiny little doggie sweaters as seriously cute baby sweaters.

Karen said...

Um, if not more so, dude.