Oh my god, oh my god, eww, eww, eww

OH MY GOD THREE GUESSES WHAT THIS FELTED OBJECT IS. One, two, three, I know you didn't get it.


It's a UTERUS. WITH A FETUS IN IT. But it's not, like, anyone's womb, my womb, or your womb, it's not the general womb.

It is Bella's womb, you guys. With the bloodsucking demon fetus in it. That's a tiny bloodsucking demon fetus, lovingly rendered in wool, by a fan.

I love books, and I love crafting, and I love it when crafting and literature come together, especially in a wacky way. But no. No, no, no, this is not right.

While we're on the topic, I read the Twilight series with ravenous interest, I loved it, I couldn't put it down, I'll probably read it again, and me and all my girlfriends did, in fact, go to the midnight showing of the film, where we all squealed along with the 12 year olds when Edward walked on screen.

Spoilers ahead, nerds. Although if you haven't read it yet, where you been?

On the other hand, while I was still reading the books, I spent hours on writerly tirades about how Stephanie Meyer is kind of an awful writer, and hours more on feminist tirades with Cabbage and Brax about how the series is, in many ways, actually horrifyingly sexist and messed up. If I were a mom I'd have to have a very serious conversation with my daughter before I let her read these books, which enthusiastically reinforce unhealthy and actually insane ideas about love and romance. Like, for example, the boy you like when you're 17 is your soul mate for whom you would die, and he is your whole world and it's all so romantic, and you're soul mates just like Romeo and Juliet! (teenage suicide=true love.) Or Cathy and Heathcliff! (more obsessive "love," soul mate/ownership crap. Note to Meyer and other women who buy this crazy line--Bronte was not trying to paint a portrait of true love with Wuthering Heights. Oh my God, no. You people are messed up if you're looking for a Heathcliff-Cathy dynamic in your love life, Holy Monkeys you are SO MESSED UP, get therapy, please.) It all gets even better when he miraculously rescues you from a stranger gang rape in an alley! And when he breaks up with you your life ends and you jump off cliffs and stuff, for fun, but oh good, he came back so everything's fine again, whoopee, let's all be vampires! Because, at 17, you are totally positive that you will love this person not only for the rest of your life, but for the rest of eternity.

However. Meyer is surely doing something right, because despite all that (and more) I am still, totally, a fan. I am genuinely completely confused about why I loved these books so much. I kind of turned into a dumbass teenager while I was reading them, all giggly with the knowledge that Edward could show up at any second. Even though I knew that Jacob was totally a better choice, I was still in love with Edward, imaginary Edward, because if a real Edward showed up in my life I'd be all "co-dependent! red-flags!! RUN AWAY!!!"

Anyway. So that felted womb is pretty crazy, huh?

Bruce

Good Morrow!

Everybody,

Brax and I went to the Ohio Renaissance Festival! I don't need to hear about how the renaissance festival is nerdy or whatever. It's fun! IT'S FUN! We totally loved it. For one thing, people being total dorks and dressing up in costumes and living out a big fantasy every weekend is awesome to me. It's the kind of thing I like. I read novels for an average of two hours a day--it's the same thing except I don't have to do any work or talk to other people or put on an outfit, so these ren fest people are go-getters comparatively.

For another thing, The costumes are awesome! Most of them are handmade. There are craftspeople all over the place at the ren fest. Weavers, knitters, tailors, sculptors, embroiderers, painters, silversmiths, people who make essential oils and incense, people who blow glass and cut crystal and practice old-fashioned black smithing, people who handmake furniture and carve stone and make stained glass art, people who make dulcimers from scratch. We loved it!

Here is the weaver's loom.


There was a lady selling knitted stuff and quilts. And fleece blankets, which was weird.
The same lady made this crazy ass thing:

I can't decide if I love it or fear it, but I do know that it is definitely funny.

Brax and I went through the labyrinth.

It didn't take us very long because we are so smart.

Here is the glass blower in his glass blowing studio:


He was being very nice about answering questions about his craft.

Here's the queen:


Here's this horse all dolled up for the joust:


Here's our classic 1500's lunch:



Here are these humorous gravestones:

Wives talk too much!!!


Teenage boys jerk off too much!!!

Anyway, we went to the Renaissance Festival and we had fun, the end!
Bruce