The joy of apartment hunting.

Bruce,

I'm sorry you're sick! But think of it this way: in about 3 weeks, it will be warm and rainy and spring, and before you know it, it will be time for comfest. Hooray!

I have decided to be proactive, and start the apartment hunt way early instead of moping about my current apartment all the time. So far, I've looked at 3 places. The 1st leasing company I found is downtown, and their apartments are all in renovated old mansions. I apparently arrived at the office 2 hours early, without having had any coffee yet that day. Not my best moment...I couldn't form complete sentances too good. But fortunately for me, the poor guy at the office seemed to be having a very similar morning. We walked down the block to see the first apartment, in the rain, and he had to run back and get his keys as soon as we got there. Then, we went inside the building, and the apartment was pretty nice...exposed brink, lots of floor-to-ceiling windows...except for the water pouring in from the kitchen ceiling. Oops!

But the second apartment I looked at there was pretty awesome. It was 900-something square feet, and two floors, with a little spiral staircase. Also, the kitchen was big, and there were 2 different balconies. And no rain inside! It is slightly higher than what I'm paying now but all the space is totally worth it! It is actually right across the street from the art museum, which is a plus, but from reviews I've read online, there are a lot of loud college kids living there, and cars get broken into all the time. However, I hesitate to dismiss a really cool apartment just because people tell me the neighborhood's bad.

On Tuesday, I looked at another apartment complex, waaay out in Holland, which is basically Toledo suburban sprawl. The apartments were totally unremarkable, and less modern and nice than what I have now, and I would have to drive 20 minutes during rush hour to get to work. Also, the woman was really weird. To get to the apartment from the office, she had me follow her in her car. When we got there, I parked a few spaces down from her. I get out of my car, and she started kind of flipping out about me not parking in the space immediately in front of the building. She was all, "I saved it for you! Why did you park so far away?" I'm like, relax lady. It was 20 feet. Then, we drove over to another apartment, and I made sure I parked in front of the building to avoid her yelling at me again. And she got out of her car and noticed that her space was approximately 3 feet away from the sidewalk, and mine was about 4 feet away, and started apologizing for it. It was the weirdest.

Today, I visited another unremarkable far-away apartment. So far, the expensive one with character is the winner. Also, my first month would be free and they don't have a monthly pet fee.

In knitting news, I ordered Peaches n' Creme online! I was very brave. Last time I ordered it, I opened the box and started playing with my yarn, and a giant spider the size of my fist crawled out. I flipped out and tried the following to get rid of it:

1. Jump up and down and scream a lot

2. Try and sic the cats on it. (they just kind of watched it)

3. Get the broom and start hitting the box, while jumping up and down and screaming a lot

Eventually, I used the broom to push the box, with spider inside, out onto the porch. The box is still out there. But this time, I had the box shipped to work, and I tricked one of the nurses into opening it for me. Luckily:

Spider-Free in 2003!

newspeak

Brax,
When people say they're "politically incorrect" they just mean "I'm about to be a total asshole without apology."

Also implied is: "...And if you argue with me, I will say that you are a product of our hypersensitive PC culture, thereby invalidating your opinion without the trouble of having to prove my points or disprove yours." It is the laziest and most intellectually vacant means of argument in the world.

Anyway, here is the closest thing to knitting content I got for today: I am sick and I got these awesome cough drops.

I bought them because of the goat in a scarf, but they work really well too.
-Libby

Oh, man.

Dude.
Today is hard! Well, it could be a lot harder. But I had to go to the post office (where they informed me that my package from my grandma had vanished, or possibly never existed) AND the bank. Really, I should stop complaining about the bank, because my bank is AWESOME. It is totally the best bank. It is clean and professional feeling. It is an old-fashioned bank; the ceilings are really high and every thing is wooden. Everyone is really nice there, and they treat me like I'm important even though I only have about 10 dollars. The atmosphere of modern chain banks is really terrible. It feels like a combination of a fast food restaurant and a movie theater. All the furniture is really shitty and ugly, and the carpet is blue or gray with geometric designs. Usually they have a TV on showing CNN, which you can watch while you wait for someone to come out and be rude to you and rip you off. On the other hand, my bank has an aquarium where they are growing a real live coral reef, and the furniture is so nice that you know people will still be sitting in those handsome wooden chairs getting treated nicely by their bank 50 years from now. So now that I have found this bank, the only shitty thing about going to the bank is that it is sort of out of my way.

My dishwasher is being fixed today. Which is great! I know I told you about the last time the plumber came and he talked to me about cats for 30 minutes and then spilled the black sludge from the pipe all over my floor and instead of asking me for a paper towel, he wiped it up with a nice, thick, fluffy, brand new, pale blue washcloth that he got out of my clean linens. Douchebag! Anyway, this time I put an old towel down on the floor and sat a roll of paper towels conspicuously next to the dishwasher.

Last night we saw Pan's Labyrinth. Scary! I liked it a lot. It was really violent, though. As a rule, I don't like violent movies, but I thought most of the violence in this movie served a purpose. I had to cover my eyes a lot. Still, it was a gorgeous story.

No knitting updates today! I have made very little progress on my projects. I'm eager to get rolling on some new stuff, though, so I'll have to finish these soon. That's right, I have to finish Central Park before I start a new project. Because I am disciplined. I already have the yarn for my next project--a summer top which Jess helped me adjust for summer yarn (why in heaven's name do people write patterns for sleeveless tops in BULKY WOOL? Ridiculously impractical.) Anyway, expect a jubilant post about my gorgeous new sweater soon....verrrrry soon.
-Bruce

An Update

Bruce,


A few items:


1. I think I may have injured my back somehow. Okay, not somehow, doing Pilates.


2. Last night, I had a dream where I was basically going about my normal routine. I got in the shower and started washing my hair when suddenly, I noticed that the tub had a big pile of Oscar's poop in it. I freaked out, and looked around the apartment, and realized that he had shit all over the apartment. There were piles of it everywhere! Then, as I woke up, I still smelled the poop smell. Oscar had, in fact, taken a giant dump in the litterbox, and the poop smell affected my dream and made me wake up. Thanks!


3. While I am happy for you and enjoy hearing all your stories about how it's 60 degrees, we just got another snow storm last night. Except this one was accompanied by freezing rain, so I've been woken up about 9 times this morning by people scraping at ice for 20 minutes in the parking lot, trying to go somewhere.




I am giving up, world! It's 9am on a Sunday, and I'm awake.



-Brax

Your Mom's Face

Spruce Moose,

Your Tubey is awesome! I love the colors...I think they are prettier than the original! (shh, don't tell knitty) That Sister is the baddest cat in town. She is almost as bad as Oscar. This morning, he came into my room and clawed at everything I own, plus the walls and floor in turn. Slowly and deliberately. For an hour. And he would turn around and look at me while he was doing it. I later realized it was because his food bowl was empty. I guess his ginormous belly and ass need a constant intake of calories. He is the main CAT-alist (he he) for me wanting a bigger apartment. He also bullies Freddie. Let us keep in mind that Oscar is about 7 months old, and Fred is goin' on 3.

I am currently working on the baby kimono, among other things, for Tia the Coworker. I will be sure to do a photo shoot before I wrap them up and give them to her. Watching other people plan for their babies makes me think about what I would do if I ever, ya know, pushed one out. My baby would be all dressed in crazy handknits and tiny little hippie dresses, even if it was a boy. Also, I would totally use cloth diapers. I know it can be done, because my parents did it. I think they still have those cloth diapers for dusting furniture and waxing cars. I am dead serious.

...But no babies for now! I enjoy my spending, sleeping, and drinking habits just the way they are, thankyouverymuch. Hey! Why don't we get all Sex In the City and have an "I'm not having a baby" party!?! And we can "register" at....well, I guess the comparison to Sex in the City stops here, because I was going to say we can register at delia's and the wine store.

I think "Delia and the wine store" should be the name for another one of our bands. Except it sounds like the name of a christian rock band. Sorry this post is a little erratic. I had about a billion cups of coffee today. I also tried this mint flavored water I got from the health food store. It really freshened my breath, which came in handy when some lady had to complain to me today. I hate being the "end of the line" when it comes to complaints. Because people get so upset over something that is usually a miscommunication on their end, and they will not let it go and they will not stop talking for a moment so that I can address their concerns. I'm all, "mm-hmm, yes....I agree wi....yeah.....uh-huh, yeah........" and so on until they have said their peace and go. Until I became a manager, I never how much freedom is built into the phrase, "okay. Let me go get my mananger." It is also really uncomfortable to be the person in charge, and get totally cut down by some angry person in front of the whole staff, and just have to take it. It makes it sort of hard to hold on to your authority and dignity.

Oh! Listen to this! I was looking through my lease to find out exactly when I had to be out of my apartment, and in one of the paragraphs, in tiny print, on the lease addendum page, was a statement that said that by signing this lease, you are agreeing to give ninety (90) days notice before vacating the premesis. Ninety days! That is three month's notice. And every renter who's ever been screwed knows that the punishment for not submitting written notice in time is an extra month's rent. Ninety days. That is playing fucking dirty, if you ask me.

Well, I gotta go do my Cher stepaerobics tape. Cheers!
-Braximus Maximus

Sister Attacks Tubey!

Hey Brax,
Here she is: the Tubey sweater all pretty and stripy. That is a sleeve you see being eaten by Sister.



And here you see a nice close up of the lovely way she fits my arm... (Tubey should always be worn with flannel pajamas with a polar bear motif.)

If you check my left arm, you will see that the other sleeve is still on the needles. The sleeves are like a little shrug, you see, and then you make another tube for the body and sew it to the bottom edge of the shrug, making a lovely traingular sort of neckline.

Veggie burger and fries, I hear you callin my name from afar, I gotta go to where you are, veggie burger and fries. (That is a song I just made up. What do you think?)
-Bruce

Adulthood's Terrible Trifecta

Brax,
I really get you on the post office and the bank. Throw in the grocery store, and you have my three least favorite things about adulthood. It is adulthood's terrible trifecta. On that note, there is a new installment in my never-ending feud with the post office. My grandma called me yesterday to ask if I got the Valentine's Day box she sent me.

No, I didn't get it. Which makes at least the 8th time that I know of when the post office has theoretically attempted to deliver a package to me, left no notification that any package existed, then left the box to moulder at the post office until the shipper of the package calls to ask me if I got it, or I call the shipper to yell at them for not sending it. In fact, it makes the second time this week.

Sometimes, I get home from work and there is no mail, and I when I leave to go out at 9 PM there is someone, in jeans and a Washington Redskins T shirt, delivering my mail. I am not even sure it is the mail carrier, if could be anyone. I never had anything get lost in the mail in my life until I moved here. Remember how they lost my W2 last year? God, I hate them like I hate George Bush.

Anyway, I am sick, probably from not wearing a jacket on Tuesday, when it started to feel like spring. (My grandma calls early spring "Pneumonia season" because everyone gets so excited that it's not -20 anymore that they run outside in their bikinis and start throwing water balloons. Then they get pneumonia.) So I am going to stay in tonight and knit under a blanket while watching Gilmore Girls. Man, I love living the fabulous, twenty-something, big-city lifestyle.

Tubey is coming along very well. For a minute I thought it was going to be too wacky, because I was using stash yarn from last year and the colors were super bright. (Yes, I stashed enough Creative Focus Worsted to make a 5 color striped sweater. So sue me.) But they're not too bright, they're lovely and fun. It's a fabulous design. And talk about easy! The construction is quite unusual and the stripes keep it interesting. Because of that, you don't get bored even though you are doing stockinette in the round for a long time, and then ribbing in the round for a longer time. I am addicted, addicted to Tubey.
Brucie

Man With Sword Mistakes Porn for Rape

....was the title of the article which greeted me as I logged on to cnn.com (Sometimes I like to keep up on the latest celebrity gossip....er...breaking news). The title of the article really says it all, but you can read the rest of it here.

Today was a pretty good day. It was very windy, but the weather did not otherwise upset me. Also, I got to go to Target for work to buy some batteries and other random stuff, as well as go to the bank. Sometimes it's a big ol' hassle to do stuff like go to the post office and the bank every day for work. Those two places always seem to be packed with the Public, aka barely competent masses of people who reek of cigarrette smoke, carry 13 screaming babies with them at all times, and do not seem to understand basic truths about our Postal System or the way the bank works.

One time, I waited in line for 30 (count 'em) minutes at the Post office because some old lady was trying to send about 200 pounds worth of academic papers to her son in the Bahamas via metered mail so that he could use it for reaserch on his thesis. While she stood there arguing about whether or not she actually could send it metered mail instead of 1st class, I could not help but get angry at this woman's lazy ass son. I mean, this poor lady is about 60, and she is giving herself hernias lugging this shit to the post office to ship it to him...in the Bahamas. I mean, why doesn't he fly his lazy ass back to Toledo, Ohio and do his research here? As I watched this passion play further unfold in line ahead of me, some sneaky bastard who wanted to buy 2 regular stamps (there is a machine for that in the lobby you ASS) strolled in off the street and up to the counter, bypassing everyone else in line. And was I nice? Did I let him make his tiny purchase? No I did not. I was all, ex-CUSE me sir, but the line starts BACK THERE. Everyone else in line was about to throw down their packages and back me up, too.

But yeah. Today was pretty much one of those days where all the best jams were coming on the radio. Justin Timberlake? Yes! Snoop Dogg? Awesome! the "Must Be the Money" song? I will sit in the car after I'm parked so I can rock out. Also, I stopped in to this coffee shop to buy some coffee, and I took my "Cup O' Joe" coffee mug so as not to waste a paper cup. And do you know what the nice gay behind the counter did? He gave me a free cup of coffee! Because something about, if you bring in a competitor's mug, your first cup is free. I see many flaws with that system, but who am I to turn down a free cup of coffee? I almost blurted out, "will you be my friend?!?"

To cap off my good mood, I've officially started apartment hunting. Yes, I know that my lease isn't up until June 1st, but rushing the apartment search last time (though not my fault at all...I was given about 5 week's notice for this move/new job) landed me in the overpriced glorified closet I'm living in now. With the yelling of the neighbors and the far away laundry room (Professor Frink).

-Braxerson McGee

Somebody call the police, I've totally lost my mind.

Brax,
A photo of the Steve sweater being modeled by Steve is coming soon...just as soon as he tries it on and allows my mom to take a picture of him. Because it is finito! Hooray!

An aside: I hate Microsoft Word's grammar checker. I am smarter than the grammar checker. Stop underlining my sentences in green, you stupid glop of technocrap! I will personally decide when to "consider revising," you keep your nose out of it, thank you very much. I remember having a conversation with a kid in college, he had this reputation for being some kind of straight A genius, and he didn't know shit about grammar because he always used the grammar checker. He didn't even understand what he was changing, he just reworded and reworded his sentences until the little green lines went away.

I bet there is a way to turn it off, huh? I am smarter than the grammar checker, but I am powerless to turn it off.

It is 60 degrees and sunshiny here, and it is making me so happy! It makes me want to leave work early and go run around and wrestle with puppies and drink wine in the park. On the other hand I feel like I could use a nap. So I'm feeling pretty divided. At lunch time today I meandered around the market for 15 minutes trying to decide what to get. I ended up getting an Amy's frozen mac and cheese, and a bag of Pepperidge Farm Brussels (mmmmmmmmm), and then as I left the market I realized that what I really wanted for lunch was a tofu donburi from the sushi place, so I went and got one, and saved the mac and cheese for later. This is the kind of day I am having. God, even my blogging is spazmodic and meandering. I should probably shut my office door and take a nap.
Bruce

Update: Triumph! I turned off the grammar checker.

Heebly-Jeeblies!

Smell Bruce,

My horoscope today was chillingly accurate! It said to proceed slowly and with caution in whatever I do, especially with legal documents and behind the wheel. It specifically cautioned against Road Rage, which is something you know I am sort of prone to. (Not that it's my fault...there are a lot of idiot drivers out there!) But I dealt with a legal document I had to type up for work today! And also, the driving is made more difficult because of the icy fog we are currently experiencing.

What is icy fog, you ask? Well, it is certainly not something I made up. It is a legitimate weather concern, and that exact wording was in fact used by my local weatherman, "Blizzard" Bill Somethingorother. Apparently, it just means that it's foggy and icey out. I don't think that one has to do with another. We've had a warm (i.e. 40 degrees) couple of days this week where it's been rainy, and now all the rain and melted snow on the ground has turned into solid ice. Do you remember that time I was on my cell phone, drunk, and wearing heels and walking into Katie's house, and I slipped and found myself ass-up on her sidewalk? The roads are kind of like that.

In other news, Oscar hurt one of his little claws. I'm thinking he clawed a piece of my furniture so hard that one of his little claws ripped halfway off. Now, I'm scared to put the nail caps on him because I don't want it to become infected. Also, I'm just generally scared of putting the nail caps on him because he becomes extremely violent if held for more than 10 seconds. Jesus, I have the worst cat ever.

Don't feel bad about the cookies...I often have trouble reheating pizza. I have always wanted to be a good cook, but it's just not in the cards. At least you're a good enough cook that you can justify having one of those Kitchenaid stand mixers (drooooool).
Later Gator,
Brax

President's Day Sale!

Braxie,

I asked for room for cream this morning because I walk with my coffee, and I don't want it to slosh out and burn my hand and stain my coat. I didn't notice until it was too late that the stupid douchebag in the coffee shop thought "room for cream" meant "half a cup of coffee." So I guess I am going to have to either drink the office coffee of death, or go back out into the world for another cup. Total crap.

I really feel you on the February thing, and I'm sorry that you are getting more snow. It is finally warming up here, it is supposed to be 50 today. That means, of course, that 4 inches of solid ice are all melting into a gelatinous horror. But I am never one to complain about warm weather, so I can deal with that.

I don't think your loose knitting is much of a problem. The mason-dixon warshrag that I made is also wider than it is long. But I think that is because I got lazy and stopped knitting too soon, actually. So that doesn't apply.

Anyway, I am a tight knitter and I don't have to do a bunch of frogging and stuff...I just do gauge swatches pretty religiously and it is fiiine. It won't set back your knitting! You will just be one of those high-horse-riding gauge swatchers, able to look down your nose at the silly girl who made the unintentional crop top.

I went shopping on President's Day. Patriotic! Truly, it was awesome. I exchanged some stuff I got for Christmas that was the wrong size. Yay! Free clothes! Then we went to Target for mouthwash and batteries, and I popped into the clothing section to see what was on sale and ended up falling in love with Isaac Mizrahi and giving him 80 of my dollars. ALSO, you will be so happy to hear this, I got a new hair dryer! Ionic technology!! Not only do negative ions put you in a good mood, they make your hair softer and shinier and more managable. And it's all true, my hair is so managable today! And it dried in half the time. And my new hair dryer is pink. So really, even though my dishwasher broke and stopped draining yesterday, and when Rebecca came over I was baking cookies and got so involved in chatting with her that I only added half the flour I was supposed to add, and the cookies became bizarre carmelized nonsense which, while embarassing, tasted pretty good, even though those things happened, I had a pretty good President's Day.
love,
Bruce

Kill me now.

Bruce,

Make it stop. Seriously, I am getting really tired of all the snow. It keeps happening! I know you hate February (and all the other winter months, for that matter) just as much as me, so I feel like you can sympathize with my pain. It makes me never want to leave the house. I'm like, "I could brush my hair, but why bother? It's cold outside." And I kind of just lay in my house wearing pajamas and watching netflix on my days off. It's actually quite pathetic.

Also, I have managed to slam down a jumbo coffee in the last hour. I am like those marathon runners, who chug at their water bottles, except replace the marathon running with "sitting still" and obviously replace water bottles with "nothing but coffee all day."

Today, I asked two of my employees to "please go to Michael's and pick out about 6 or 8 posters" for work, and as a thank you, "I will buy you lunch." I am like the best boss ever. I was going to go to Michael's myself, but every time I go there, I end up buying a bunch of cheapo cotton yarn or something goofy for a craft project, or more posters for my home, so I decided to end the cycle of spending money.

I've realized something about myself. I am a way way loose knitter. My personal gauge is gi-normous compared to the average, usual gauge you see in patterns. This discrepancy had never been more clear to me than the other day, when I finished a dish rag. It was the ballband dish rag from Mason Dixon, and apparently it was supposed to be 7 inches by 7 inches. Mine was about 10 inches by 81/2 inches (wider than it is long). I feel as though I am washing my dishes with a beach towel. And I used size 7 needles, and if anything, the yarn I used (sugar n' cream from Michael's) is actually thinner than the peaches n' cream.

I was devastated by this realization. From now on, I will have to carefully swatch everything before I knit it. Also, those cabley fingerless mitts I'm working on will probably take more than one skein of yarn. I really believe this will set my knitting back again. I will have to work up the discipline to knit a sweater, even when I know it's going to mean swatching and frogging and reshaping countless times. I think this might explain why it took me so many more yards to do the clapotis than it took you.

Anyway, my life is over. I'm going to go put on my pajamas and knit a rectangular garter stitch scarf now.
-Brax

Math

Hey Brax,
You know that I am really terrible at math. Sometimes when I say that, people act like I have some sort of confidence problem, or like I've been socialized in an anti-feminist way to believe I can't do math. That is an understandable assumption. I mean, Talking Barbie says "Math is hard, let's go shopping." It is clear that girls are sent a message that math is not going to be their forte, and that affects their performance.

However.

I can't do math, and that is, I believe, quite unrelated to Talking Barbie. For one thing, I read numbers backwards pretty frequently. (Thanks a bunch, Ohio public schools, for not picking up on that in my 13 years in your care. And for telling my mom that I just wasn't trying when she asked if I maybe had a learning disability. That really made my life better.) For another, no amount of practice could ever make me get it.

I think I would have math problems even if I lived in a Marge-Piercy-style eutopia where there was no sex-specific pronoun. Still, the girls-can't-do-math thing did affect me, and I was recently thinking about one of the ways in which that manifests. Ahem.

They always used football and baseball examples in math class. For example: Jose gains four yards in the first quarter but loses 6 in the third. How many yards does Jose gain total? What? What does it mean to gain a yard? I HAVE NO IDEA what it means to gain a yard. Or lose a yard. And RBI? It is baseball, I guess, but I don't even know if a high number is better than a low number. And maybe that's one of the spots where math class gets pretty sexist. Boys, I have learned from the Husband, are inundated with sports from birth. Not all boys are into sports, of course, and there are certainly girls who are sports fanatics. Still, girls are less likely than boys to know what it means to gain a yard. A sports example is more likely to speak to a boy and feel practical to a boy.

Trust me, it really sucked when the subject I had the most trouble with was put into a context that was totally foreign to me.

Do you know what would make at least as much (if not more) sense as sports for math examples? Knitting. Here is a fact: knitters throughout history have been using a lot of algebra. Knitting uses so much math. Knitting designers have to be math rock stars. Knitting is even making waves in the sort of geometry that people with big, big brains play with in ivory towers. And the assumption that knitting is a context that most people understand is no sillier than the assumption that most people understand sports. Lots and lots of people knit. It's just that most of them are women, and it's not competitive, so the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival doesn't preempt prime time TV.

I was thinking about this the other day when I had to have Jess resize a sweater for me because I can't do algebra. Jess is good at math, as are a lot of my knitting friends. Sometimes at Knit Purl Hurl, they all sit there and talk about knitting math, and it blows my mind a little. It is really nice of them to help me with knitting math sos I can just be a flitty fly by night artsy knitter all the time. I do wish I could do it myself; as it is I would probably screw it up and end up with a sweater sized for Hagrid, and as we know from book 1, he can knit his own sweaters.

Whoo! That was sort of a stressful blog. I'd better relax with a nice, cozy Pabst Blue Ribbon.

-Bruce

I am officially moving on June 1st, if not sooner.

Bruce,
Oh my god! Did you see Medium last night? It was really good. I love that show, probably even more than I love the Ghost Whisperer!

Today kind of sucks, because there's all this to-do about the schedule, and people are trying to make up their hours, and patients are all trying to re-schedule and stuff. Last night, I switched the phone back to the clinic, so that I didn't get all the calls overnight again. But while I was trying to fall asleep, I kept hearing the phone going off even though I knew it wasn't. Am I going crazy? Auditory hallucinations aren't a good thing; at least that's what I "hear." (heh-heh...)

Another thing that contributed to last night sucking was that my upstairs neighbors got into a huge screaming match at 1:30am, after I had barely drifted off to sleep. They are always loud people (heavy walkers, loud loud talkers), but when they fight it just takes the cake. And maybe it was because I was trying to sleep, but this was really bad. The girl in the couple was either really drunk/high, or is mentally ill. She was totally scary. She kept screaming things like, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" or "AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Fuck youuuuu-hooooo-hoooooo!" or "get out GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!" over and over, at the top of her lungs. It sounded just like a 2 year old having a tantrum in the middle of a walgreen's. I couldn't understand what the guy was yelling, but he always storms around the house, stomping with all his weight when he's mad. The guy also started to storm out like 3 different times, so the screaming fight also continued in the stairwell of the apartment building, and the parking lot. In total, it lasted until 3 in the morning, and only stopped when he stormed out and finally left.

I feel that I should not know this much about my neighbors. I considered calling the cops, but in all the fights I've heard, none of them have turned physical (at least as far as I can tell). Also, I don't want two people with such volatile tempers angry at me. They could probably make my life way worse in that apartment than it already is.

p.s. -I have an unproven theory that these are also the people who fill up all the washing machines at once, and then don't come back to the laundry room for 5 hours.

BONUS: Picture of snow drifts outside my building!

fund raising

Catalyst: multiple mentions of pizza in DC Days materials.
Problem: I want to eat pizza every time I see the word pizza
Solution: apply for Pizza Grant for DC office.

Other grants I have proposed to management: Page Boy Grant, Sled Dog Grant, Tequila Grant


...One day I will be wealthy and will start a foundation that only gives out grants for page boys, sled dogs, tequila, and pizza.

Snow Day!

I think it takes a lot to get most businesses to close for snow, but a level 3 snow emergency will always do the trick. Apparently, we are not allowed to drive in Toledo unless we are emergency personnel, so I'm stuck at home with the Bad Cats, and all the clinic calls are transferred to my cell phone. It is awesome! After today, I will have to change my ring tone. I'm afraid I will from now on associate "La Isla Bonita" with angry women calling me demanding appointments.

But on the plus side, I'm sitting here blogging in my soft pants!

Here are some cat pictures I took this morning:

This is Oscar climbing into the Kitty Pi after a long morning of attacking my feet.

This is Fred's pretty face. He is looking wistfully at the birds in the alley behind my apartment.

...By the way, please do not laugh at my lack of picture-posting skills! I will figure this whole "interweb" thing out someday. I guess that's all the news I got today. Sorry you're still stuck going to work! I am sure everything else in our nation's capital is at a standstill, but not you!

We're here, we're queer, we don't want any more bears

Brax,
Your Clapotis is gorgeous! And your kitten is fat! Nice work. Nice application of Karabella Margrite.

I bound off the Steve sweater! I am awesome.

It is stupid, craptacular, repulsive weather. Snow? Yep. Hail? Si. Freezing rain? Oui. Regular rain? Natch! Wind? Da! The Federal Government just closed down for the day, which means that all business shuts down around here. Except (drumroll)...me! Because we are grassroots. The grassroots doesn't go home early because of repulsive, disgusting precipitaton with an identity crisis! Nope. We battle on. We battle on.

Crrrrrrrrrap.
Bruce

p.s. I have been listening to this Lily Allen CD you sent me. It is rockin.

Some lovely, um..photos.

Clapotis! Finito! Really fat kitten optional.

Don't worry, that's not a weird bump in my knitting. I just thought it was an okay idea to drape the clapotis across my coat.

So, I went to Columbus this weekend. It was really fun! I had actually not yet heard about Katie's getting into culinary school, so I got to tease her about finding out on the internet instead of finding out from her. I also drank like a 19 year old on Saturday night. I mixed wine, beer, gin, and whatever's in a long island. I also saw some guy I used to sleep with (it's apparently not a trip to Columbus unless I run into several guys I used to sleep with) at O'Reilley's. And then, we went to Jessica's and sang and danced like insane people until 6 in the morning. But I didn't throw up! Growth.

I am really hoping you're hearing this news for the first time, because I am apparently in the bad habit of drunk dialing you, and forgetting about it immediately. Also, I committed a major faux pas, and kind of told everyone about our blog. Don't worry, I am sure they either don't remember, or didn't understand the url I slurred at them.

Here are some more clapotis picures:

To the left, we have the clapotis
worn like a scarf. To the right,

we have Karen doing something
weird. (not shown: glass of wine and That Seventies Show.)

Speaking of T.V., I know you hate Valentine's Day commercials as much as I do. Apparently, hideous diamond jewelry from the mall is the only appropriate gift for women for every major holiday. Pretty much the only thing I don't hate commercial-wise is those commercials narrated by David Duchoveny about...shelter dogs!! Have you seen them? They're for Pedigree. They sort of make me cry. They work like that Wal-Mart commercial with retarded children worked for Nick.

(what the fuck is wrong with me?)

excitement, adventure

Brax,
Everyone is doing so much exciting stuff!
You got your promotion! Karida got her promotion! The husband got his career-launching internship! Nick met Norman Mailer!(?) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I bet you've already heard, but our buddy KT got into culinary school. She starts in March! This is awesome. I am really so extremely excited for all my friends. I am envious too, of course. I really have to make some stuff happen in the career department, and soon. Cause, you know. What I am doing is pretty good, but I would be a lot happier if I felt like I knew where I would be in, say, 6 months. Plans, dreams, ambitions, etc.

I am playing the waiting game.

To quote Homer J: "the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos."

Knitting progress report! Last night I added an inch to the Steve sweater, and then I noticed what looked suspiciously like an accidental yarn over a few rows back. So rather than investigate it, I stopped knitting and started giving my full attention to the TV. Then today, I knitted about 1 row on Tubey before I had to start doing my stupid job. I bet I will get some knitting done tonight because I am having dinner with some knitters, and we love to whip it out in public.

Cat update: Honey is so fat that when he sits around the house, he really sits around the house. Also, he is afraid, and I mean petrified, of Husband's down jacket. He hates the sound it makes. And it makes the Husband look so much bigger that Honey isn't sure it is him. He thinks it might be a giant intruder who makes scary sounds.

I can't wait to see some photos of your Clapitos!
xoxo,
Bruce

My third post, and already into the "mom" stuff!

Bruce,

Yesterday, I sat down and wrote out a very thoughtful and witty blog, complete with perfectly placed pictures. It took me about an hour to do. And then, I either hit backspace or moved my mouse slightly to the left, and erased the whole thing. This happens to me remarkably often.

So...no pictures of cats or knitting for you!!

I am putting in a lot of good, hard work on the ol' clapotis. (Not that I really have to link that) I'm already at the decrease section! As soon as I finish it, I will post a picture on here, I promise! I'm very excited to finally have knit the "must-knit" item of 2004. My next project was going to be the Emerald sweater...but I might try something smaller and less ambitious. By which I mean I'll probably knit nothing but washrags for a month. Hooray!

In other news, I have been invited to 2 baby showers in the last 2 weeks. Babies!! On the one hand, I'm kind of excited about the prospect of knitting baby stuff. (Alpaca hats!) On the other hand, it's kind of like how I started getting invited to weddings where people my age were getting married (ahem!). I guess this is another one of those things I'm going to have to get used to people my age (or much younger) doing.

By the way, I hope the above paragraph doesn't make me sound anti-marriage or anti-baby (heh heh...). I just worry that when this stuff starts happening to other people my age, my mother will pick up on it. It was uncanny how quickly her tune changed from "I wish you would concentrate more on your future and not spend so much time with that boy!" to "So, are you seeing anyone special?" as soon as you and Emily Toerner sent her wedding invitations. It is very frustrating for me that as much of a die-hard liberal and feminist she is, she still harbors all these horrible, traditional, self-hating beliefs and has managed to turn them against me. More comprehensive sex ed in schools! By the way, Karen, I'm so glad that you've decided to wait until you're married. (Yeah, okay mom. Whatever you say.)

It's probably really weird for her. I mean, she is smart and knows what she believes, but her own mother's voice is still inside her head, telling her that yes, the poor really are poor because they're lazy. (I am paraphrasing, but that's pretty much the gist of my grandparent's world view.)

But I digress. I am reeeeeeally looking forward to this summer! Comfest will be totally awesome, and Oh Lord! Harry Potter! Thank you, by the way, for putting the "countdown" on our blog...just so there's no confusion about who we really are!

Later Gator,
Brax

February

Dude. Brax.

I hate February. It is totally the worst month of the year. No matter what is going on in my life, I get hopeless and pitiful in February. I manage to keep myself active only by sheer force of will--if there wasn't a tiny drill sargent inside me, no one would see or hear from me in February. I'd be like a bear, hibernating and slowly digesting all that pizza I ate in January.

At least this winter I am not as broke as I was last winter. This means I can buy happiness, buy it with cash. But only if it is on clearance--I ain't Oprah. Do they sell happiness at the Family Dollar?

What are you going to make for the babies you are showering? I think you should make the Heartbreakingly Cute Baby Kimono from the Mason-Dixon book. And you should also make those little bibs and burp cloths in that book...all their designs are so darn practical. I love them. And they use Peaches and Creme cotton! Lovely, practical handknits on a budget. Awesome.

-Bruce

Eqqus

Brax,

I saw that picture too....didn't it make you feel wrong and dirty? Harry James Potter! You put some clothes on this instant, or no Quidditch for a month, and 50 points from Gryffindor!

And speaking of horses, the other night I was walking home from work, and I saw a Police vehicle outside the housing project near my house. This is not unusual. Then I saw that there were all these children around it, and that more children were running towards it, and I thought, oh dear, something terrible has happened to a child! But then I got closer and realized the strange box behind the Police van was a horse trailer (not like the giant filthy red one that my Papa uses to haul cattle; it was a small, tidy, fancy trailer for the professional horse, the horse who has everything). All the kids were running to pet the Police horse, who was very patiently hanging his head out the window while the officer looked on. Such a nice horse, and a nice cop! It made me very happy. These are not children who get to pet horses very often, and I am willing to wager that the cops are not regarded as "friendly" in that particular housing project.

So last night I worked on lengthing my dad's sweater. You know, the one he was supposed to get for Christmas. Well, I had read in Stitch 'n Bitch that if your sweater was too short, you could just unravel the cast on row, pick up the live stitches, and knit on downwards until it was the right length.

Hah! Sounds simple....too simple. Maybe I was doing it wrong, but it took me TWO HOURS to pull out the cast on row. Either there is a secret technique I don't know about, or it was because I used the long-tail cast on (possible), or that's just how long it takes to pull out the cast on row on a great big man's sweater. Anyways, now that's done and I'm on the knitting part. So I should be able to send it to him this week.

Also, I dug Tubey (http://www.knitty.com/ISSUEwinter05/PATTtubey.html) out of oblivion, where it has been sitting for about a year. I am making it in very unsophisticated colors, not like the one on the model. That's right, I am finishing projects, using stash yarn, upholding the Yarn Embargo admirably.

xoxo,
Bruce

P.S. It is Ohio cold here. The front page of the Washington Post is, and I am paraphrasing here, "OH MY GOD IT IS COLD WHAT DO WE DO????!" They talked about it on the news so much last night that I was afraid to go out this morning, and then I got outside and I was like, "Oh. Um, Ok." They are an excitable bunch in the District.

I think I need a shower!

Oh my god, Libby! I just accidentally looked at a naked 17 year old!!

Those press photos of Daniel Radcliffe's (aka Harry Potter's) new play were released, and I knew there would be dirty ones that I did not want to see, so I clicked on a thumbnail that showed a horse. Apparently, it was a horse being tended to by a naked Harry Potter. My eyes!! At least I didn't see anything "really" bad. I still saw far enough "south" to develop some serious issues with the whole thing. Ugh. Why, naked Harry? Why??

In other news, I placed an office supply order at work today. It irritates me that no one ever tells me we need anything, until one day everyone bursts into my office and says, "oh my god! we're completely out of PAPER!!" ...or something like that. Sometimes it's pens. So inevitably: instead of placing a big order, I end up placing a small office supply order every month, and then end up having to make an "Office Max" run 2 or 3 times. So this time, I decided to nip the problem in the bud and order everything we could ever possibly run out of this month. Ha ha! No one's gonna come running to old K-Brax this month!! At least about office supplies. Medical supplies are a whole other realm. (Oh my god, Karen! We're out of speculums!) (just kidding)

I ordered some nail caps for Oscar The Kitten. I am totally against de-clawing cats, but I admit I have entertained the thought since getting Mr. Froscar. I keep trying to remind myself that all cats are really annoying when they're kittens, but I always come back to the same conclusion: my kitten is Satan Cat-ified. And his claws are like his trident. He uses them to smite my couch, the carpeting in my apartment (not mine, little dude!), my wooden dressers, my mattress, and random spots on the wall. Somehow, his little nails scratching against the painted drywall is the worst...while there is no lasting effect, it sends chills up and down my spine. I wake up in the middle of the night to that sound.

Kitten for sale! I will start the bidding at $.50!

-Brax

big ideas

Bruce,
I am jealous of your ensemble. I spent the last 3 months knitting constantly, only to give it all away at Christmas to people who would probably rather wear acrylic machine knits from Target.
Also, Basic Cable? Ha! I just got that.
I agreed to go to the gym this afternoon with my friend Abby, a decision I am starting to think was unwise. First of all, I ate a huge amount of pad thai at lunch today. Secondly, I am starting to get very self-conscious about the idea of working out with someone else. I tend to sweat a lot and get very red in the face, and I also have the WORST working out fashion ever. I sort of look like a sweaty homeless woman huffing and puffing away on the eliptical. Abby is very thin, even though she will tell you she needs to lose 20 pounds. She actually used to be a dancer. If it was up to me, I'd probably stay home in my dirty house and work out to my Cher tape in my p.j.'s.
-Braxie

cold cold cold

Brax,
Hey! Way to blog!
Things I am wearing right now, in descending order:
Basic Cable in margrite bulky, teal
Undershirt, long sleeved shirt, t-shirt with Elvis on it (I work at a small, grassroots non profit. I can pass Elvis t-shirts off as business attire)
Cardigan (This belongs to you, you left it at my house. It is black with little bows on the pockets. I'll wash it and mail it to you, I promise.)
Natalya Gauntlets in Mission Falls 1824 Wool, russet
Pink long underwear from the Family Dollar
Gray pants

These are my inside clothes for today. I put on a full suit of armor to go outside. It is COLD!

I got to work pretty early this morning (early for me). I got here and TCBed all over town. So now I am thinking I can leave early because I have pretty much done my bit for the day, and then some.

After I Did All I Could Do at work, I called my mom to make plans regarding the Potter Party for the release of book 7. (announced today!). She is down for this party.

And I read the news. The Senate is going to vote on Warner's milder version of the resolution against a troop increase. I am comfortable with this--since the resolution is nonbinding, it is pretty much immaterial what the exact language is. The key things are that it says congress opposes the president, and that it passes. And it is more likely to pass with the more mild language. So, you know, go congress, make things happen, etc.

Karida and Ellie came over last night to Drink and Knit. Also we ate almost everything in the fridge. And while they were there, I bound off the hood on my Central Park Hoodie...now it's just matter of edging and seaming. Oh, holy heaven, the seaming.

Man, this office is quiet today. I think I will leave a little early. The couch and its best buddy, the knitting basket, are calling my name.

Bruce