Tuesday, August 12, 2008

a lot before my coffee.


1) There are 22 year olds running around my neighborhood selling magazines and pretending it's for a good cause, because it's for a contest or program or something that is for young entrepreneurs. A young man in a hemp-and-seashell necklace knocked on my door when I was puttering around in my pajamas, pre coffee, hair standing straight up, and really incredibly groggy since I had bizarre sleep last night (details in a minute). He started off by saying that he wasn't collecting donations so I didn't need to punch him. I was so confused. Then he went into this big thing and kept handing me things to look at and finally I said, I don't understand, what is it again? And he said it was a "communications contest" for young entrepreneurs to see who is the best communicator. And I said "I still don't understand, are you asking me to buy a magazine?" And he said "yes. I know you don't need any magazines but you should buy one just to help me win the contest."

Then he started asking me questions to try and tie my life back to one of these magazines but I was crafty and didn't answer with anything that was magazine-related. like "what do you do for fun?" I answered, "reading." No magazine! At least not on his list. "Do you like to work out?" NOOOOOOOO. "Huh! Coulda fooled me!" Then he asked if I had kids or whatever, and I said no, and so he asked if I had a husband or boyfriend, and I said yes. And he said, "what does he do for fun?" And because Matt just told me last night that he wants to learn to sew so he can make himself ties and vests, and because I knew that it would weird out this little Douchbag In Training, I said "he likes to sew." WELL.

"No way! Wow. Does he like to cook and clean too?"
"I don't need any magazines."
"No one needs magazines! Just buy one to help me out."
"If you buy one I put a tag on your door so that none of the other people doing this will knock on it. If you don't buy one they'll be knocking on your door all day."
"Is it because I'm a jerk or something?"
"No, I just don't want any magazines."

Then he turned around and swore like he'd just missed the big touchdown. He was seriously pissed off.

So now I'm hiding in my office with the downstairs all locked up in case more business majors try to sell me things that I admittedly don't want or need but which I should buy "to help them out." I would also like to note that he called me "Ma'am" at least 150 times in the 5 minutes he was at my door.

I think those kids are in the WRONG NEIGHBORHOOD. You know who does really well on my street? The HRC people, and the Obama people, the union people. This is not a neighborhood full of people who want to "help out" business majors. This is not the kind of neighborhood where we want to "punch" people collecting for charity, but are happy to buy some crap we don't need so you can win some communications prize that I don't understand because you have not communicated it to me clearly. Huh. Look, it was just a lot before my coffee.

2) It is an excellent day for lounging in your window seat.

3) My bed is a horrible nightmare. I never sleep through the night and the right side of my lower back hurts all the time because the bed dips down in the center. We can't afford a new bed right now because of that time I quit my job to find myself and I didn't have any income for a month and a half and then started a big secret project which will mean money soon but not right now. This whole bed situation came to a head last night around 3 AM, when I got so frustrated that I woke Matt up to bitch. We moved to the futon in Matt's office. I had forgotten what it felt like to sleep deeply. I slept so deeply that it took an hour to really wake up, and I felt like I'd been sleeping for days but I hadn't. My back feels a whole lot better too, after only one night. ON A FUTON. That's how bad the bed is--the futon was like a temperpedic to me. Sucksville.

4) MADCRAFTING! For one thing, I signed up for a sewing class so I can learn how to sew correctly. For another, a few weeks ago I went to the national quilt show with Matt's mom, and while I was there I kind of randomly picked up a needle felting kit and a bunch of pretty roving. Now I'm going to totally needle felt something rad onto this bat fabric I picked up the other day.

Look at how awesome this bat fabric is. LOOK AT IT.

If you live in central Ohio, and you like fabric, then you need to go to Sew To Speak. They've got bat fabric, man. It's the cutest, friendliest shop. Go there!

5) My office chair needs a cushion. Cascade Magnum! I'm lookin' at you. I don't want my cushion to be a whole big thing. I want it to be knitted in an evening, stuffed full of fiber fill, and cushioning my butt tomorrow. So maybe I'll start that. If it works out I'll share the pattern with you guys.

End transmission--I'm starving.

1 comment:

Karida said...

dude, I can vouch for that futon. It rocks the world of futons.

Also, communications contest! Ha!

And I have some Cascade Magnum for you. It's yellow. I'll drop it in with the other stuff in the big Libby package.