Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Gets My Goat!

OK, Brax and I decided some time ago to introduce a regular feature to our blog. We decided it would be called "Gets My Goat" and that, on some kind of regular schedule, we would write about what gets our goat and accompany it with a funny picture of a goat.

Well, we never really got around to it.

But today, something totally Got My Goat. So I am starting the feature.

If you see my mail carrier around, punch him or her in the head. I can't tell you if my mail carrier is male or female because I have never actually seen him or her. He or she usually doesn't show up until 8 or 9 PM. One time I saw a guy in a Washington Redskins Jersey and jeans delivering the mail around 9:30 PM, but I am not sure if it was the mail carrier or not. I sort of suspect that my carrier is contracting out to crackheads and spending his or her days watching Passions.

On no less than 7 occasions, I have not received a package for no discernible reason. Correctly addressed packages have disappeared into the ether for 6 weeks and then arrived back at the sender's house. Often, if I track a late/missing package online, the tracker will say that the carrier "Attempted delivery, left note." This has happened when I was home all day waiting for the package. Whoever this person is doesn't even bother to knock on the door.

On the 11th, I ordered some items and paid for express delivery because I had an express kind of need. NOTHING! I called the vendor, he says it was shipped but he got no delivery confirmation and he can tell me nothing else. He apparently doesn't bother to get tracking numbers when he sends out his merchandise. So now I have to take time off work to go to the post office and ask them at the little door where the hell my package is.

I have had to do this multiple times. Let me tell you about the last time.

I waited for 20 minutes for a 19 year old who couldn't even be bothered to take off his headphones to tell me unapologetically that my package didn't exist, in fact he'd never heard of these packages I kept going on about. Some time later the package, correctly addressed, arrived back at the sender's house. So I am not really excited about this little journey.

Especially since I no longer need this item at all! I needed it last week!

So the people at the customer service desk at my local post office had better get ready, because I am about to eat all their faces for breakfast and then MAIL the faces back to them. Then they'll have to track the package and try and get the mailman to deliver them and they'll have to holler over the music in that kid's headphones, and they'll probably have to yell at themselves just to get their faces back.

And that's what Got My Goat today.



Karen said...

Dude, your mail situation is out of control. Maybe you should just get a p.o. box.

Libby said...

I really do think that the carrier is collecting salary and benefits from USPS, then paying someone else less to deliver the mail for him or her, and working another job. I am going to submit this theory to the post office at the first opportunity.