Stand to the right, guys.

Dear Tourists,
I am truly honored to live in a city that people want to visit. Thanks for coming here and enjoying the city and boosting our economy etc. I will be happy to give you directions if you need them. While you are here, here are some simple guidelines for using our underground mass transit system, Metro.

1) Everyone is in a hurry on the Metro, so please stay out of the way. If you need to stand still and figure something out, please stand still next to the wall, and not right in the path of traffic. This rule is especially true if there are 400 of you.
2) On the escalator, stand to the right, walk to the left. Do not stand still on the left side of the escalator. (It's like the passing lane when you're driving.)
3) Don't take your stroller on the escalator. DON'T TAKE YOUR STROLLER ON THE ESCALATOR. You will screw up the whole moving/stationary traffic system, you will clog the arteries of the Metro, and your kid will probably fall out of the stroller onto my head. There are elevators at all metro stations. Please use them.
4) Doors opening. Step back to allow customers to exit. (This means before you get on, let the other people get off, guys. That's our system.) When boarding please move to the center of the car. Step back doors closing.

Thanks!
Bruce