Me need food now.

Brucie,

I got worries. Mostly, they are about money and my car, and the two worries are intertwined. I'm pretty sure my transmission is about to fall out of my car, kerplunk, somewhere on route 23 as I drive to Columbus, and it will probably be within the vast area where I don't get cell phone reception. I hate cars! I think they are maybe extra smart, and they save up all their junkiness for when you're moving or you overdraw your bank account or something. Evil car!!! I want to get a bike to...um...get in shape and supplement my driving around town, but that certainly won't solve all my transportation problems, like driving to columbus every month for meetings.

Other than the car thing, I'm pretty good. I am finally over my sinus infection enough to feel like doing stuff. Stuff that doesn't involve going to bed at 9pm and watching the Sound of Music. I am very much looking forward to visiting home in May, as hectic as it will probably be. Moving is hard! Helping parents move right before you move is stupid hard! But don't worry, I'll save some "walking in the woods" time for you, Barb, and Blanche. I'm really happy for my folks. I'm pretty sure my dad was starting to go stir-crazy without a full-time job for almost 2 years. I bought him a bunch of homebrew equipment at Christmas, but I guess brewing your own beer is not the same as tending a flock.


The Clap is at the stage where I take goofy pictures of myself wearing it. That's a really stupid looking picture, I know...but I couldn't get any of the other pictures to load in a normal size. Technology! It eludes me still.

Also, I need a haircut. Bad.

-Brax

Oh hell yes.

Brax!
It is over! The madness is over! And it went pretty well, honestly. There were a few moments in the days leading up to it that I wanted to sit down and cry. But then I thought, no, Bruce, what the hell good would crying do? Nope, if I were to sit down and cry, nothing would get done because no one is available to pick up my slack and say, aw, Libby, have some tea, I will take care of one of the thousands of things on your plate. So I didn't sit down and cry, I just kept T-C-B Takin Care of Business. And it all worked out. Also, Mason, my coworker from our Seattle office, stayed on our couch. He said he didn't mind vacationing in cat city USA and sleeping on a pile of yarn with a cat on his face. So we had a good time, beer was consumed.

Thanks to you nice people who were so nice to me in the lead up to this. You know who you are!

So yesterday was my first day off in weeks, and it was.....weird. I didn't know what to do! I kept thinking that I had to be somewhere or do something at a certain time. And I hadn't been alone in a long time either, because I was working so much, and Matt and Mason were both living at my house. So I had to adjust to not always having another human around. I sort of got into the swing of it after a while, though. I went to lunch at the Indian buffet and read some critical essays about Sense and Sensibility. (Yes, that's what I do for fun, eat it.) Then I went to the bank, and then I went shopping! Because I had to give in and buy pants. I bought three pairs of pants in my new size, and they are all super cute. And then I went to the shoe store, where this really charming gay (let's call him Rick) upsold me into oblivion.

Me: Do you have these black flats in size 10?
Rick: Let me check for you! Do you want to try a pair in another color, because you know if you buy two pairs today, you get the second pair 20% off! That is a really great deal, you can't beat that deal.
Me: Um, let's just try the black ones for now.
.......a minute passes. I enjoy relaxing, high-quality jazz piano.
Rick: Here you go, sweetheart! I just went ahead and got out the red in your size too, just try them on too!
.........I put on the shoes
Rick: There! Doesn't that just feel like you're wearing nothing?
.......I concede that it does, in fact, feel like no shoe at all. I think, how did he know? How did he KNOW that I secretly was thinking of getting the red shoe, that I was, at the very moment I approached the counter, resisting the temptation to get both the red shoe and the black shoe? He is a friendly, charming, supersalesman. I buy both pairs of shoes.

And that is how I ended up buying 3 pairs of pants, a tank top, and two pairs of shoes, all in one day, and from real stores, not from Target or H&M. And today, I feel super cute in my new pants with my red flats.

I can't wait to visit in a couple of weeks! Hooray!
Bruce

Climb Ev'ry Mountain...

L. Bruce the Spruce Moose,

I am continuing to blog in your busy-with-work absence, mostly because I enjoy the sound of my own...typing? Also, I drank entirely too much coffee throughout the day today and I need an outlet besides tapping my feet.

Unfortunately, I don't really have much news on the knitting front. I'm still chug-chugging away at what has become a very boring Mother's Day Clapotis in peach cotton. Daniel (my baby brother) and I have come to a silent agreement that my parents are on crack with this whole "me taking all of Daniel's stuff" thing.

Also on the Ross, Ohio front, your husband seems to think you guys are coming out later in May. Myself, I'm still planning on the weekend we talked about (May 4 thru May 7), unless you tell me otherwise. Really, it doesn't matter when we go because we're going to have a magical time! Is your grandmother's pool ready? Because we're all tired of swimming in the gravel pit, dude. Did I just out us as being way more "hillbilly" than people previously thought? Oh well.

I've decided to watch the "Sound of Music" tonight (hence the title). Ever since Nick sent me that "How do you solve a problem like Maria" email, it's been stuck in my head. I have found that I cannot watch the Sound of Music without:
a) Singing along to all the music
b) Speaking along with all the dialogue
c) Taunt the characters with what happens later in the film

• FILM: "I'm Leisol. I'm sixteen years old and I don't need a governess."
• KAREN: "Ha ha! you're gonna get dumped by a Nazi!"
• (usually accompanied by wine)

...so it's really best at this point that I always watch it alone.

In other news, I am a Sam's Club cardholding member. (Because of work.) I have been for some time, but I'd never actually wandered around the store taking in all the incredible deals until last week. They have some awesome deals! Like, you know how the energy efficient lightbulbs are about $5 each at Target? At Sam's, I got a pack of 12 for $13!! That is almost as cheap as regular bulbs. And they had a huge 40-pack of condoms for $10. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have bought those because I've probably jinxed myself to a life of celibacy. Anyway, deals! Yay!

Okay, I just read over what I've written, and I'm appalled at the overuse of exclamation points. I think I'd better go run around the block and then have a drink.

-Braximus Maximus

Dude.

Bruce,

Behold the mother's day clapotis.

How did your event go?? I don't even really have to ask, because I know you did great.

I think i left you a voicemail (on like the busiest weekend in the L. Bruce calendar), but in case you didn't get it....my dad got a job!!! He's going to a church up in Michigan in a town called Alma. (at least it isn't Ann Arbor.) And the crazy part is, they want him to start on June 1st! My parents have to move at exactly the same time as me. Life is hard, man.

Part of my parents moving out of state means that my little brother will start listing my address as his permanent address so he can still pay in-state tuition at Miami. My mother seems to think this means that Daniel will actually be moving in with me, like have my second bedroom and stuff. i have no problem with him stopping by occasionally and sleeping in my guestroom-slash-home office, but have him over on the weekends and do his laundry? Cram his twin bed and dresser from my parent's house in there? I think not. I'm not ready to be a mom!!

In other news, I feel better after the antibiotics, but I still have a big headache and I'm exhausted all the time. I wish I hadn't felt bad this weekend when I was in Columbus. I did a lot of "sitting still" and "sleeping." And I still look like death, with a bright red nose and giant bags under my eyes. I will not post a picture, you can imagine it for yourself.

Gotta go, I think I need to take a bath while listening to joni mitchell and then go to bed.

-Brax

P.S.

I get the keys to my new place on June 1st! I want the "big" moving day to be Sunday the 3rd, and I think I'm going to hire movers. Everyone is totally invited to the housewarming party, whenever that is!!
-Brax

www.areyouunreachable.com

Brucie,

Technology has failed me.

I know you are all too aware of my car stereo woes (ever since I replaced the battery it keeps asking for the "code," which I can't get from the Honda people without looking up the stereo's serial number, which is somewhere inside my dashboard). Well, NOW I don't have a cell phone. Because I left it in Columbus, Ohio. Okay, I guess it was I, not technology that failed me there.

Not only does that mean I'm unreachable except by email or myspace, it means I can't use the camera in my cell phone to take pictures of my newest knitting project, Mothers Day Gift 2.0! I'm making her a clapotis out of cotton, so it will be nice for summer. You know, if it ever gets warm. I was knitting it yesterday and a woman came up who was also a knitter. She asked me what I called the color, and I said "peach." Then, we got into a lengthy discussion about how people always call that color something weird, like coral or salmon or melon. It's peach, people!

Yesterday, I went to a lobbying event at the Ohio statehouse for Prevention First, which is a bill that deals with...well, mostly birth control. It's backed by NARAL and Planned Parenthood. Basically, it would ensure that pharmacies actually fill prescriptions for birth control, including Plan B (the morning-after pill). It would also mandate that all emergency rooms carry Plan B and that it's offered to every rape survivor. There were also words like "earmark funds" floating around. Anyway, NARAL in Ohio hosted the event, and I kept thinking about you, and that this is pretty much what you're doing, but on the national (read: more important and scary) level.

It was fun! My group had the easy person. I got to meet Theresa Fedor, the Ohio senate minority leader....and the senator from my district! She is awesome. She sponsored the bill last year when it failed miserably. But at least this year, the Republican majority is much smaller (5 seats, man). I was really nervous and I didn't say much in the meeting because my stomach kept making these horrible gurgling noises. I guess that means I'm not cut out for lobbying. In fact, you could say I don't have the "stomach" for it. Ha ha!!!

Yeah, I'm done now. Perhaps I'll have pictures this weekend. I'm going to Columbus again, for a meeting and several days of awesome hanging out. Or maybe I'll send you another "drunk text" from Columbus.

Later Gator,
K Brax

it's hard out here for a Bruce

Brax,
OK, I finally have a second. Organizing DC Days has been a little crazy this year. (You might have picked up on this.) I have more work to do and less time to do it in. But I am a professional! The kind of professional who comes in with a hangover a lot, but a professional none the less. I feel like it is finally coming together, and we are getting enough meetings set up and all the stuff is how I want it. This feeling that everything is on track terrifies me; I am sure I forgot something absolutely crucial. Whatever! It will all be over in one week!

This weekend was fun times, I went to a knit in with Karida and Micah and we met and hung with some really lovely people. It was a coming together of the knitters and crocheters! It was about the most fun you can have sober. (I wish I had gotten more of their blog names!)

Micah gave us a bed frame! Thanks, Micah! So we no longer have to sleep on a mattress on the floor like we live in the skanky frat house. Now we'll just see how long it takes us to, you know, put the bed on the bed frame.

We got some crazy news from home today. There was a small explosion in one of the greenhouses, and it burned down. What? A greenhouse can burn down? Why yes, Karen, apparently it can. It was an electrical fire and it ignited some compressed fertilizer or something. They lost all the big gigantic hanging baskets, which are, of course, really important for their income. Fortunately, they put the fire out before it spread to the other greenhouses or the propane tank (which would have ignited the barn and probably Dave's house too). They are insured, but my dad was in the middle of a debate with the insurance company over weather flowers in a greenhouse are a "crop," so we're not sure about crop insurance. I will post pictures when my mom e mails me some.

Hey! Congratulations on your new apartment, when are you moving? And on winning a raffle, and on your grandma's surgery going well. I hope she is recuperating, all wrapped up in her Argosy Wrap.

XOXO,
Bruce

I need a day off!!!

I am still crazy! But this is great:

YOUR MOM IS GREAT. there used to be something funny here, you bunch of d-bags.

I also hate the snow.

Bruce,

Happy Easter! It's a boring, snowy sort of Easter here too. I'm spending the weekend watching movie after movie and finishing the Argosy wrap for my grandmother. I'm at the beginning of the "decrease" section, and I hope to finish it today so I can send it off in the mail tomorrow. She has her surgery tomorrow morning.

This whole snow thing has been destroying my life. I mean, it's just flurries, but I can't help feeling like winter is taking his last chance to show us that we're still his bitch. It just puts me in the worst, most hermity kind of mood. Oh, well. I guess the best that we can do is clean our houses and dance around listening to Graceland. I'm cleaning my house, by the way, because my parents are "stopping by" this week. I only found out they were "stopping by" because I called them yesterday. Otherwise, they might have just shown up at my apartment to find me passed out in a pile of wine bottles and vibrators.

Ha! I just remembered the time when my parents dropped me off at our house after Thanksgiving break during college. They insisted on using the bathroom, so I opened the front door, and gazed upon an apartment littered with Cook's and PBR empties, our friend Bryn passed out on the couch, and (the cherry on the sundae) a Christmas tree decorated with champagne corks and red and green condoms.

I'm sorry that this summer is stressing you out. I understand it's totally weird. But living alone can be awesome! Just think of all the cool stuff you could do...

1. Not clean the whole summer
2. Sprawl out on the bed and read all morning on your days off, without Matt trying to wake you up at 10am just because he's been up jogging for four hours and he's bored.
3. Throw a million parties
4. Not change your sheets all summer (ok, that's gross I'll admit)
5. Get all the cats to be on your side
6. Redecorate in pinks
7. Watch romantic comedies all the time. Just this morning, I watched "Notting Hill" and "Sabrina."
8. You will totally visit Ohio at least twice, for Comfest and for Harry Potter.
9. I will totally visit you out there.
10. It's only for a very short time! I mean, how long is summer? Summer goes from Memorial Day to the 4th of July. After that, it's all back to school sales and work work work.

And if you're sad, you can always dance around your house to Graceland.

Call you later,
Brax

Easter Snowfall

Brax,

Things are hard! But I don't really want to talk about it. Knitting!

I finished Cherry Twist, but, as is to be expected when you fiddle and fuck with a pattern, it needs some adjustment. The increases for the hip shaping are a little...much. A little too much. A little...too high. And consequently a little baloony. I mean, if those increases rode a few inches lower, they would cradle my sweet ass like a stylish tunic-length sweater should. But they aint, they're up high and they are too much. I was sort of anticipating this problem, but I wanted to finish off and see what I came up with before I made adjustments. So I had to unravel about 6 inches of the ol girl. Here she is:
Also, I have settled on the 12 colors for my 1824 Wool afghan. Behold!




It's so pretty! I can't wait 'til it's a blanket and I can wrap all up in it. I would like to wrap up in it right now, because it is snowing. Snowing on the cherry blossoms. Snowing on the tourists. What a load of crap.

So I have all kinds of stupid nonsense going on weather-wise, professionally and personally. Here is what I'm mostly worried about: this summer. I'm worried about getting a job after my ANA gig expires, and living alone. I'm worried about telling my parents I'll be living alone this summer, because I've never done anything they really didn't want me to do before. (Yes, I remember high school. That doesn't count. Stick to the matter at hand.) I know that when I do bring it up, I will hear all of my own fear and insecurity about this situation in my mother's voice. All my nice nice friends here in DC are being very reassuring, but you know. Even if you put it in the very brightest light possible, it's a crappy situation. Well, you know... I guess it will be yet another painful formative experience of my 20's. Can't get enough of those, they're more fun every time.

Bruce

Gratuitous cat pictures to cheer you up.

L. Bruce,

Introducing the best idea I ever had, aka the "feather on a stick" wedged into a bookcase so that it hangs down. Seriously, Oscar! It's not a real bird!







He really doesn't know it's not a bird. He jumps and flips around at it until he's out of breath. Have you ever seen a fat-ass kitten panting? It's pretty charming.

Once he gets tired, he flops down with his belly up like this.

....Fred just watches it all go down from the safety of his scratchy box.

Too Crazy to Blog

Dude!
I have all kinds of updates for you but you don't get them until I cross a bunch of items offa my to-do list. If you see me coming, just hand me a coffee and back away slow-like. But Argosy looks fantastic, nice work. I done seen it, it's green.
Get Bent!
Bruce

Pictures

L. Bruce,

Presenting Argosy. Turtle pajamas optional.










And here's a closeup. Have I mentioned I love this yarn?





I can't get the yarn to actually photograph green instead of blue, so this is a comparison.


Later Gator,
Brax