Good Morrow!

Everybody,

Brax and I went to the Ohio Renaissance Festival! I don't need to hear about how the renaissance festival is nerdy or whatever. It's fun! IT'S FUN! We totally loved it. For one thing, people being total dorks and dressing up in costumes and living out a big fantasy every weekend is awesome to me. It's the kind of thing I like. I read novels for an average of two hours a day--it's the same thing except I don't have to do any work or talk to other people or put on an outfit, so these ren fest people are go-getters comparatively.

For another thing, The costumes are awesome! Most of them are handmade. There are craftspeople all over the place at the ren fest. Weavers, knitters, tailors, sculptors, embroiderers, painters, silversmiths, people who make essential oils and incense, people who blow glass and cut crystal and practice old-fashioned black smithing, people who handmake furniture and carve stone and make stained glass art, people who make dulcimers from scratch. We loved it!

Here is the weaver's loom.


There was a lady selling knitted stuff and quilts. And fleece blankets, which was weird.
The same lady made this crazy ass thing:

I can't decide if I love it or fear it, but I do know that it is definitely funny.

Brax and I went through the labyrinth.

It didn't take us very long because we are so smart.

Here is the glass blower in his glass blowing studio:


He was being very nice about answering questions about his craft.

Here's the queen:


Here's this horse all dolled up for the joust:


Here's our classic 1500's lunch:



Here are these humorous gravestones:

Wives talk too much!!!


Teenage boys jerk off too much!!!

Anyway, we went to the Renaissance Festival and we had fun, the end!
Bruce

more soup

Brax,

The best use for a Crock Pot is this:

Before you go out and tear up the town and embarrass yourself with Demon Rum, put soup in the crock pot..

Either you'll come home at 3 AM wasted and be like, SOUP!!!!! Or you'll wake up the next day at noon all hungover and wanting to die, and if you are like me, your first thought will be "Hungry. Don't want to cook. No money, also don't want to get dressed and go anywhere. How food?" Then you'll stumble downstairs and be like, SOUUUUP!!!! Either way, it is genius.

The soup I am eating today is is squash and sweet potatoe. (Yes, potatoe. Bringin' back Dan Quayle!)

Bruce and Dan's Squash and Sweet Potatoe Soup

1 Winter Squash...Butternut, or Acorn, or whatever.
2 Sweet potatoes
1 white onion
1 Carrot
2 stalks celery (smellery)
half a stick of butter
Salt, pepper, nutmeg
water

Chop it all up and put it all in the slow cooker. Cook on low for 7 hours. I like to take half of it out after it's cooked and put it in the magic bullet, so it's partially pureed but still has some chunks. Related: I really want an immersion blender.

OK so I ate soup and I've been writing this post for something like 4 hours because I'm easily distracted and stupidly hungover.

Stopping!
Bruce

Oh man

Fresh autumn apples and bittersweet, speeding through the White Castle drive through.

Brax,

Oh. Man. So after you left my house last night (BTW, my favorite part of last night was when Tome came in from the kitchen with his wine in a little teacup and said "I'd like everyone to note that I'm drinking my wine from a mug." And you said, "TOME! Did you take that off a HOOK? Those are decorative, Tome.")...anyway, after you left my house at the ass crack of no time, I went to sleep. Four hours later, I was awakened by sounds...like, the sound of someone messing with the gate outside. After about 15 minutes I was like, man, they're really messin' around with the gate. Are they removing it? What the hell? And then I realized that it wasn't the gate, it was 4 ladders being run up the side of my neighbor's house. There are men fixing the gutters which were damaged when the tree fell on the house. At 9 AM. On Saturday. Oh my God. So then I was like, well, maybe I can still sleep. WRONG! So loud. Plus I kept thinking that they could somehow see in my window and see me laying in bed with the cats all hungover in my underwear.

What really made me get up, though, was that I realized that I had, in my Jameson Amazingness last night, left my car in the short north in a metered spot, and they had started checking meters over an hour ago. So I was like fuuuuuuuck. I thought I'd just ride my bike up there and throw it in the back of the car and drive home. Then I remembered that Matt's bike was already in the car. Two bikes don't fit, buddy. OK. So I thought, I'll just ride my bike up there, take Matt's bike out of the car and lock it up, put my bike in the car, and drive home and get Matt's bike later, since he's out of town and won't need it for a couple days, but I will need to ride mine, also my bike is too pretty to be abandoned in the short north all alone. Oh my god, was that a sentence? Maybe I'm still drunk.

So that's what I did. I rode on up there. And OH MY GOD IT IS GAME DAY. Why were there so many OSU football people on the bike trail? Why? Walking. Walking in their red sweatshirts. Ambling across the path carrying plastic cups. I would pass them and, in an effort to not hit their drunk-at-10AM asses, I'd ding my little bell. (I love my little bell. Ding! Ding! Bruce comin' through! Ding!) They just acted confused though. Where is that bell coming from? Hey, ring it some more! Haha, why is that girl ringing a bell? I think they didn't know that it was a bike trail they were on. Anyway, then it got worse because I actually had to ride past the freaking 'Shoe. But whatever, I made it. I made it to my car, and it was still there but it had a little ticket on it. Oh well. Then I went to the Super Food Mart and got a Cherry Coke, an orange soda, and some orange juice.

Lucy hates the workmen. She wants them to stop.

I am really confused right now. I'm going back to bed!

Bruce

Yarrrrrrghhhhh!!!

Bruce!



Seriously, what is the deal with all the bad luck going around? It really Gets My Goat!

Okay everyone. Here is a (probably incomplete) list of the crazy stupid stuff that has been happening.

1. Our dear friend Cabbage wrecked her scooter and broke her wrist. Terrible fate for a knitter!!


2. Hurricane Ike hit Columbus, OH, followed by a week without power.


3. On Saturday, Libby's cat Sister had a seizure and had to be rushed to the e-vet's.


4. While monitoring Sister to make sure she doesn't have another seizure, Libby smacked her head, resulting in a concussion.


5. I woke up Monday morning somehow having pulled my back/neck in my sleep and couldn't turn my head.


6. The same day, I left the apartment and returned to find that my door was hanging open, so my cats had gotten out. Oscar was just hanging out in the hallway, but Fred took about a half hour to find. I wandered around the neighborhood for a half hour tearfully calling his name before I thought to check the basement.


7. The next day, I realized that in my haste to find the cat, I had somehow lost my purse. My purse contained my wallet and my beloved half-finished cable scarf on my beloved 26" addi turbo 7.


8. That same weekend, our friend Tome went to Cleveland. Upon checking into a hotel, he realized he had left his wallet in Columbus. His mother overnighted it to him, and he proceeded to lose it at a bar the next evening.

Apparently, our friend group has a poltergeist that is stealing our wallets, fucking with our cats, smacking our heads, and so forth. Fortunately, most of the above problems turned out to be mere annoyances. Having no lights for a week sucked, but it really broke Bruce and I of our embarrassing daytime TV habit and got us reading and biking more. All the cats have been fine since their harrowing ordeals, and I think Fred's disappearence made me WAY less stressed out about losing my wallet. Now if only I could find my birth certificate so I can replace my license.....

In conclusion, I think we all need to just laugh about our terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad week. And maybe move our trash cans out of our luck corners.

Love,
Brax

MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

My weekend

hahahahahahaha!

Brax,

I had an eventful weekend.

We went to the vet.

Sister had a seizure, but she seems fine now.


It was scary. I was petrified. The vet is running tests. But I'm getting the impression that some cats just have seizures. Anyway, I'll let you all know when the tests come back.

So when we got back from the vet, I was sitting at the foot of the stairs and I stood up really fast and slammed my head into the end of the banister and WOOOAH BAM I saw stars and I fell over and blacked out for a sec. Then I sort of automatically got up and kept moving and went to work. After I'd been at work for about 2 hours I realized that I was sleepy, headachy, nauseous, woozy, and I didn't understand why jokes were funny. I was like, huh, maybe I have a concussion.

So I have a minor concussion, is what I'm saying. Now, I've waited tables drunk. I've waited tables angry, tired, and sad. I've waited tables when I was so burnt out on waitressing that I thought I couldn't possibly serve another stupid table or I'd scream. I've waited tables so hungover that if you were wondering why it took so long to get your refills, it's cause I had to go barf real fast.

Waiting tables with a minor concussion beats 'em all. Don't do it, you guys. If you have a concussion, go home sick.

I took Tylenol and got lots of rest. I woke up every 2 hours to make sure I was still lucid. I was. As lucid as usual, anyway. I still feel funny--my head hurts and I'm tired. I was well enough to go to the market and the park this morning, though. (although I spent the rest of the day on the couch.) There was a sidewalk chalk art fair last weekend and a lot of the pictures are still there.





We bought veggies.

and sat in the park, near the good doctor Lincoln Goodale.


Dr. Goodale gave free medical treatment to the poor and left a bunch of his land to the city to be made into an excellent urban park. If it weren't for him we wouldn't have the park, and without the park I wouldn't have anywhere to take a nice walk before work and pet dogs, and where would we have Comfest? Dr. Goodale was rad and I'd drink to him if I had a drink, which I don't, because I am pretty sure I shouldn't drink with the concussion.

The only other thing I have to say is this: remember when I said I hated the following things:

1. Lion Brand Yarn
2. Wooden needles
3. Straight needles

Remember that? Well, Dumbledore tells Harry in book 2 that even the wisest of us must sometimes eat our words.



It's a throw. Out of Lion Brand Thick and Quick. On bamboo straight needles (US 13). I don't know, it is all just totally practical, and the yarn is about as nice as 80% acrylic can possibly be, and it is fast, cheap, warm, and machine washable. Also I only have a US 13 addi in a 16 incher, which is obviously not long enough. I had these fatso bamboo ones though, which I had hanging in my office for decoration. It's fine. Easy peasy. I've always been more practical than snobby, and here again my practicality has won out. It's nice. I like it!

OK, that's all.

Peace,
Bruce

We're back!!

I have no idea if this made the national news or not, but the Midwest actually got a hard hit from the tail end of hurricane Ike. Brax and I have been without power since Sunday. We got a windstorm like you wouldn’t believe. It only rained for a minute, that’s the kicker. It rained for, like, a nanosecond, and it winded for about 8 years. We had 80 MPH winds here in Ohio. I know that some of you live in places where real hurricanes happen, and that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, but to us it was like Armageddon. The big giant tree in my back yard got pulled up by the roots and landed balanced perilously on my house and my neighbors’ house. Trees were down all over the city! Many roads were impassable, all the stoplights were out. We finally got our power back at around 2 this morning. Plenty of people are still in the dark, though.

Fortunately for us, Topher and the Science Pirate, who live right up the street, got power back that first night, so we were able to keep our food there, and charge our phones, and I was able to go over there to blow dry my hair, which, I am not even kidding, was the main reason I missed electricity. (I have heard people say “Libby’s hair is so smooth and sleek.” No, it is not! Libby’s hair is psychotic and wavy and frizzy and puffy if she doesn’t blow dry it. And it’s too short to put in a ponytail. I am utterly dependent on the blow dryer. Don’t tell, like, Barbara Kingsolver and Gloria Steinem, I’m sure they’d be disappointed in me. I am reminded of the time on Oprah where Oprah had the audience answer the question “what modern invention can’t you live without?” and the number one answer was “hairspray.” I thought those women were really stupid and shallow at the time.)

Yes, by the end I had decided that I was fine without power EXCEPT for the fridge, the hair dryer, and a single lamp. (We have a gas stove, fortunately.) If I could have those things, I’d be OK. I didn’t actually miss TV at all, and I felt sort of liberated by being barred from the internet. At night, I put about 10 tea lights in a clear glass pie pan with a little bit of water in the bottom, and that was plenty of light to read by. I picked up my lonesome, dusty, too-good-for-me guitar for the first time in about 4 months (PS my fingers hurt). We played board games. I talked to my neighbors more than usual. Brax and the boys and I rode our bikes all over town. I had an excellent excuse to eat in restaurants twice a day. I got a day off work and a free bottle of wine for coming in when the power was out only to be sent home. I knitted on a blanket. I wrote. It was cool. (That’s not to say I wasn’t relieved when the power came back on. We weren’t equipped. We were running out of candles.)

My parents, on the other hand, had NO RUNNING WATER. Because they have well water, and the water gets from the well to their house via an electric pump. They had to rent a room at the Motel and shower there every day. Also all the crazy-militia-prepare-for-the-apocalypse folks in my hometown went batshit when the windstorm came, and they all bought all the gas and all the ice and all the milk and bread and batteries and flashlights and probably bullets too. So you couldn’t get any of those things in my hometown for days. Like, my mom needed to go to the airport and she said to me “I have no idea where I’m going to get the gas.” Seriously. I think this is very funny. What did they think was going to happen? They raided the I.G.A. and then they went home and hunkered down for a siege. Sometimes I miss that crazy place.

A lot of people out in the ‘burbs were, according to the newspaper, VERY ANGRY about how long it was taking to get their power back. That sort of got my goat. The newspaper quoted a lady from Hilliard saying that she was so angry that she was going to deduct the cost of the meat in her freezer from her electric bill. I was like, oh, you’re entitled to electricity, princess? You’re lucky to have meat to lose! You’re lucky to have a freaking freezer! For one thing, how about instead of getting pissed about it, you be grateful that you don’t live in Galveston and therefore your house didn’t just get leveled and you didn’t lose any loved ones. For another, I am sure it really sucks to have to talk to your family. For a third, shit happens. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you will be lucky indeed. For a fourth, the electric company is working really hard and doing their best, and we just don’t have the infrastructure to deal with 80 MPH winds. And finally, for the fifth thing, many people would be ASTONISHED by your freezer full of meat, because they only get to eat meat on special occasions and they don’t have household freezers, and meat doesn’t come from a grocery store, it comes from a goat that they have raised from a kid and when they kill it that’s all they get til they get another goat, so what I’m saying is, you are so completely unaware of your privilege that I’d like to meet you in person so I could smack you.

I think sometimes you can tell when people have never lived anywhere different or met anyone from a different culture or maybe even never watched PBS. Anyway, the moral of the story is, when something that happens in other places all the time happens in a place where it has never happened before, everyone flips their lid, and I ride around on my high horse laughing at them.

Anyway, we're back.

Spooky!

Brax,

This is neat! You can read scans of all the old newspaper articles about Jack the Ripper. It's the kind of nerdy thing I really like. If I still worked in an office, I probably would have spent half my day doing it.

Bruce

every seeeeeeecond of the night! I live another life!

Brax,
I am so into Heart right now. I started listening to them because I wanted to do "What About Love" at karaoke, which I did last night, and it was an excellent choice, and now I am in the Unstoppable Heart Zone. I think I'll do "These Dreams" next week.

Here we are at karaoke last night. So much fun! For one thing, I discovered whiskey and shared my new knowledge with Brax, and so obviously we were AMAZING all night.


See, I was at work, and there was Jameson. And I said, "I don't like whiskey! I never drink liquor. I'm nervous about this Jameson." And one of the chefs, a wise young man, said, "just drink it, it'll be fine. You might barf."

So heeding that excellent advice, I drank the whiskey and then I was AMAZING for the rest of that night. So last night Brax and I both got a shot of Jameson early in the night, and we sipped these shots and were happy. Also, it was a slow night so we both got to sing 4 times. Sweet!

So I'm on a knitting hiatus. NO KNITTING FOR 2 WEEKS. Except tonight when I will do some minimal book knitting at KPH. But other than that, no knitting for 2 weeks. Also: no holding my coffee cup in my right hand, no carrying heavy glass water pitchers at work, no writing for more than 30 minutes, reduced typing, and no chopping veggies (BTW, this product will change your life if your wrist hurts and you want to chop things. It will change your life even if your wrist doesn't hurt.).

Gotta let the ol' girl heal. It SUCKS, man. But winter is coming and I need to be all healed up so I can make scarves and sweaters and hats and mittens. And maybe socks, now that Cabbage taught me that it's ok to just make stockinette stitch socks, despite what the lace sock mafia tells you. Don't let them get to you, guys, there's nothin' wrong with a st st sock.

So instead of knitting or writing (i.e. my two favorite things) I've been...cooking! I made this really excellent lentil soup yesterday.

Here is the recipie!

Bruce's Delicious Easy-Ass Crock Pot Lentil Soup
makes a zillion servings

1 lb dry lentils
2 medium carrots
2 medium potatoes
3 stalks celery
1 large onion
1 clove garlic, smashed
6 cups vegetable stock or water (I used a little of both)
bay leaves
savory
salt and pepper

Chop up all the veggies using your Vidalia Chop Wizard. Wow, that was fast! Now throw everything in the Crock Pot. Cook on high for 3 hours. Eat.

You guys, this soup was seriously delicious. I love making soup. I love using my crock pot, too. My mom was asking me the other day if it wasn't pointless for me to have a gigantic awesome crock pot since I was a vegetarian, and I had to explain to her about soup. Also delicious beans and dips and stuff. But mostly soup. I'm going to do mushroom soup next. I've never made mushroom soup before and I bet it will be fun and also the jam.

Today is the first really autumnal day, and so it is good soup weather. I'm enjoying the chill in the air.

This blog post made my hungry. I'm going to go eat some soup now.

Luv,
Bruce

Fall! Just around the corner!

Okay, Bruce!

I totally meant to post some pictures of the exciting times I've been having, but I left my camera over at Juan's house during cupcake night. Sorry! You're stuck looking at this clock I bought. (boy is the lighting terrible!)


I sure love this clock. It's a little slow, though (which has gotten me in trouble). I got it at the antique store next to the vegetarian cafe down the street. God, I love living in Columbus again! Mostly, I have been just puttering around my house, working on the secretproject, and dicking around with friends.
I also got to go to the Craftin' Outlaws craft fair! It was totally amazing. Of course, I didn't take any pictures of the actual fair, but here is a bag I bought:

Get it? It's hippoes! They are saying Hip Hop! How very clever.

Okay, I really do wish I had some more news for you. Sorry about that! I'm looking forward to fall very much. We're going to have a special feast to celebrate the equinox! Also, we are going to amp up the secretproject and be very busy. I'm mostly excited to do fall sorts of things, like the Corn Maze, the Pumpkin Festival, and the Rennaisance Festival!

In short, I'm excited for fall! So that means it should quit being 90 degrees all the time.

Love,

Brax to the max