So yesterday was my day off. It's been a beautiful week in Columbus, but of course on my day off it rained all day. At least it wasn't cold!
I had a real nice day off. I slept in and read my book and had coffee with my baby, and then we went to lunch. After lunch I was like, PAJAMAS. We watched, like, half of Krull. Remember Krull? It's not as good now as it was in the 80's, trust me. Sometimes nostalgia can save a movie. Once I forced Matt to watch Little Monsters. He hadn't seen it as a child (WHAT? Seriously, what kid in the 80's didn't see Little Monsters?) and apparently if you didn't love it during your childhood, it is awful. Nostalgia totally makes Little Monsters awesome to me. Not so, Krull.
So dinnertime rolls around, and I am officially amazing. I decided I wanted to make hot browns. I don't know if hot browns are a real thing or if they're just something my mom made up. It's like an open-face sandwich, and then you cover it with cheese sauce and some shredded cheddar and put it under the broiler 'til it's brown on top. OH MAN. I put mushrooms and onions and spinach and avocado on those suckers, and whipped me up a little cheesey saucey, and they were GOOD.
However, before I could create this sammytown excellence, I had to get all those things. Spinach, and avocado, and mushrooms, and onions, and bread, and also milk for the cheese sauce. I don't know if you know this about me, but I really hate the grocery store and sometimes I don't go there until there's nothin in the pantry but dried beans. But! That's what husbands are for. Matt went out in the rain for the groceries and I stayed home and wove in ends on my Owl Sweater (just needs eyeballs and it's donezo!)
So there I was, on the couch, weavin' ends, when Matt popped back in the door all angry.
He had just gone through a nightmare of not being able to pay for groceries. The debit card wouldn't work. And, readers, something is definitely wrong with the card because I had just put money in that account and checked the balance that very morning. Frustration station! They wouldn't let him write a check because to write checks at the grocery store you have to register, apparently, and it takes a couple weeks or something. So he's all embarassed and angry, and he pops in the door to say that the groceries are at the customer service desk at the Giant Eagle, and can I give him cash for them? I didn't have enough cash! I gave him my debit card, but he was concerned that they wouldn't let him use it because it was obviously not his card and he was already a suspicious character who couldn't pay his bill. So.
So I went to the grocery store.
I went to the grocery store in my red PJ pants and a dirty old T shirt and no bra. I threw a cardigan on. I had, earlier in the evening, grabbed my hair in a handful and threw a rubber band around it, so it was in a lumpy, off-center approximation of a ponytail. (My hair is very short, so my ponytail sticks straight out from the back of my head. It's cute.) I went, in this handsome state, to pay for groceries for which my husband was famously unable to pay. This was one of the more publicly white trash moments of my life...but it gets better!
I paid for the groceries, went home, looked in the mirror, and realized that I had a GIGANTIC hickey on my neck.
Inventory:
-at grocery store.
-can't pay bill.
-sweat pants.
-t shirt, no bra.
-stained cardigan.
-sloppy, lumpy ponytail.
-hickey.
-HICKEY.
This is the path my mother told me to avoid. My mom is a laid back lady, but she was always pretty adamant about the trashyness of hickeys, and I have to say, I agree with her. Furthermore, I am one of those girls at Ross High that I swore I would never become. No! I was better than all that, and I was gonna shake off the dust of this crummy town and see the world! Be a classy sophisticate, and no one would ever dream that I came from such beginnings. So don't tell 10-years-ago Libby about yesterday. All I was missing was a pack of dirty children and a looney tunes t shirt.
Later that night, after grooming myself, I went to karaoke. I forgot all about the hickey in my rush to leave the house, didn't put makeup on it or anything, and, of course, wasn't wearing a scarf or a cowl for the first time in, like, 6 months. I literally was not two steps inside the bar when my friend the karaoke DJ came up to me, put his arm around me, and without so much as a "hello," said "Did a bird fly into your neck?"
If anyone needs me, I'll be getting my navel pierced or cooking meth or something.
Luv,
Bruce
Monday, April 20, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
little bites
Holy Monkeys. I've had a pretty serious fortnight.
If you made it to the book release party, thanks, thank you, thank you, thanks! I've got my humble and grateful pants on, and my luckyduck hat.
Last week I had some personal drama. I don't want to detail it on the internet. But it was shitty, rest assured. It went on for a solid seven days. I dropped pretty much every ball I was juggling. I sucked. Things got sorted out, eventually, and hopefully for the better, but a thing like that has aftermath.
I gave up a bank serving shift, and in doing so lost a pretty significant part of my budget for the week. I did not return calls or e mails. I left most of the book party stuff to the very last minute. Fortunately most of the planning had been done earlier, it just needed some follow-through, and I had lots of people who were happy to help it come together. Of course, I also lost all control over home and hearth, and so had no groceries or clean clothes. I went to Waffle House and, I think, used up all my text messages. Even though my plan is unlimited, surely there is a rule against the massive amount of irresponsible texting I did last Thursday night.
Everything was all wrong, and then it got right again. But I'm still shaky. Put on your boots, Bruce, you can't stop now. I picked up my balls and started juggling again. Got everything done, and was happy. Saw Karida and my family! Had a party! Got to wear high heels and drink wine! I even got two (two!) different bouquets of flowers, in one night, which made 3 for the week, which is certainly a record.
So I had a terrible week followed by a week of tremendous excitement. And now I'm on the couch. Old friend! I have to work at the restaurant tonight, but I have the afternoon to rest, which is lovely. I think I'm coming down with something, and it's really just been a gigantic huge roller-coaster two weeks. I feel kind of how I felt when I got married...like I need to stop and absorb everything, a little at a time, so I can understand it all and it won't overwhelm me. The quiet of this afternoon is perfection. Just the cats and me, and the couch. Pajamas. I think maybe a bath, in a minute here. Being still, eating up this whole mess of feelings and experiences one tiny bite at a time.
Luv,
Bruce
If you made it to the book release party, thanks, thank you, thank you, thanks! I've got my humble and grateful pants on, and my luckyduck hat.
Last week I had some personal drama. I don't want to detail it on the internet. But it was shitty, rest assured. It went on for a solid seven days. I dropped pretty much every ball I was juggling. I sucked. Things got sorted out, eventually, and hopefully for the better, but a thing like that has aftermath.
I gave up a bank serving shift, and in doing so lost a pretty significant part of my budget for the week. I did not return calls or e mails. I left most of the book party stuff to the very last minute. Fortunately most of the planning had been done earlier, it just needed some follow-through, and I had lots of people who were happy to help it come together. Of course, I also lost all control over home and hearth, and so had no groceries or clean clothes. I went to Waffle House and, I think, used up all my text messages. Even though my plan is unlimited, surely there is a rule against the massive amount of irresponsible texting I did last Thursday night.
Everything was all wrong, and then it got right again. But I'm still shaky. Put on your boots, Bruce, you can't stop now. I picked up my balls and started juggling again. Got everything done, and was happy. Saw Karida and my family! Had a party! Got to wear high heels and drink wine! I even got two (two!) different bouquets of flowers, in one night, which made 3 for the week, which is certainly a record.
So I had a terrible week followed by a week of tremendous excitement. And now I'm on the couch. Old friend! I have to work at the restaurant tonight, but I have the afternoon to rest, which is lovely. I think I'm coming down with something, and it's really just been a gigantic huge roller-coaster two weeks. I feel kind of how I felt when I got married...like I need to stop and absorb everything, a little at a time, so I can understand it all and it won't overwhelm me. The quiet of this afternoon is perfection. Just the cats and me, and the couch. Pajamas. I think maybe a bath, in a minute here. Being still, eating up this whole mess of feelings and experiences one tiny bite at a time.
Luv,
Bruce
Monday, April 6, 2009
Book Release!
Promo photo! I specifically made sure they gave me a PBR. They were like, here, you girls each get a drink, and we were like, noooo, give us like 40 drinks. Put them here, on the table. And they did.I'm really excited and proud, and I hope you guys like it.
Those of you in Ohio will be able to come celebrate with me and Karida this Thursday, at the P&P midwest release party! Details here! I really hope you can make it.
And thanks for reading.
Luv,
Bruce
P.S.
Me and Brax's Owlies are coming right along...but I started my sleeves, so I'm winning!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Spend Some Time Between Dodridge and Lane
Dudes,
Hey, Columbus! It's really, really bumming me out the way the city is driving half of North-of-Campus out of business with the High Street construction. I'm hearing rumblings of lots of closings, and it's no good. It's really annoying to go anywhere between Dodridge and Lane. I know all about it. Do it anyway. This construction isn't gonna be done for another YEAR, and all those little local shops are suffering, even institutions like the Dube. It would make you sad if these places closed.
Reasons to Take Your Ass to the Construction Zone
I'm already sad because I heard a rumor that Black Market is going under. Guys! Kelly Martin is our local fashion hero! Why aren't we buying all her dresses? She was just on freaking Project Runway! Go to her shop. Go there. Buy dresses. She's a cool girl and it's a cool shop.
There's that new little restaurant, Sage, which is really good! And Clintonville needs restaurants. But they're going to die if we don't brave the construction and eat there.
Did you know Taj Mahal has a bar in it? It's open til 1. Here's my review of Taj Mahal: Food: pretty good. Patio: excellent. Weird, unexpected lounge: RAD. You don't think about going there. It doesn't occur to you. But you should. I think no one is going there, so maybe you and your friends should. We went there Sunday night (Sunday is karaoke and ladies night in the Taj Mahal lounge. The ladies night drink specials are nuts--I got both KT and myself DRUNK for 12 bucks, girls. THEY'RE CRAZY FOR LOW PRICES. Take your titties in there and get some cheap drinks.) It's cool in there. It feels kind of like Inarra's whorin' shuttle on Firefly. I'm sort of obsessed with Firefly right now, though, so maybe it's just me. But it's all red and there's couches and stuff. It's like you're having drink in someone's really cool living room. We parked on Oakland. It was easy!
You can go to our local hardware store, Schriener Hardware, where once the man who worked there gave me a huge discount on a knife because I told him I wanted to carry it for self defense. (Then this partially reformed Mexican gangbanger that I used to know (Where did you go, Isaac? Hope you're ok.) taught me all these knife tricks.)
You can rent, like, any movie at North Campus Video, and yes, that old man with the pierced cheeks will be mean to you, but isn't that part of the charm? He's been being mean to me since I was 18. It's sort of comforting at this point.
And Smoker's Haven! It smells so good in there, and even though I don't smoke I spent something like 20 minutes looking at cool pipes and smelling tobacco and talking to the nice man who worked there. He told me that it is cheaper to smoke a pipe than a cigarrette, and it's not addictive because you don't inhale on a pipe. Maybe I should smoke a pipe.
I don't need to remind you about the Dube, right?
Dick's Den. Why Not?
Cazuela's! It's open AFTER THE BARS CLOSE on the weekends. You can go there for fourthmeal.
A lot of places down there have parking lots. It's not so bad, it's just unpleasant on High. You can handle it. You do unpleasant things every day. Come on!
Hey, Columbus! It's really, really bumming me out the way the city is driving half of North-of-Campus out of business with the High Street construction. I'm hearing rumblings of lots of closings, and it's no good. It's really annoying to go anywhere between Dodridge and Lane. I know all about it. Do it anyway. This construction isn't gonna be done for another YEAR, and all those little local shops are suffering, even institutions like the Dube. It would make you sad if these places closed.
Reasons to Take Your Ass to the Construction Zone
I'm already sad because I heard a rumor that Black Market is going under. Guys! Kelly Martin is our local fashion hero! Why aren't we buying all her dresses? She was just on freaking Project Runway! Go to her shop. Go there. Buy dresses. She's a cool girl and it's a cool shop.
There's that new little restaurant, Sage, which is really good! And Clintonville needs restaurants. But they're going to die if we don't brave the construction and eat there.
Did you know Taj Mahal has a bar in it? It's open til 1. Here's my review of Taj Mahal: Food: pretty good. Patio: excellent. Weird, unexpected lounge: RAD. You don't think about going there. It doesn't occur to you. But you should. I think no one is going there, so maybe you and your friends should. We went there Sunday night (Sunday is karaoke and ladies night in the Taj Mahal lounge. The ladies night drink specials are nuts--I got both KT and myself DRUNK for 12 bucks, girls. THEY'RE CRAZY FOR LOW PRICES. Take your titties in there and get some cheap drinks.) It's cool in there. It feels kind of like Inarra's whorin' shuttle on Firefly. I'm sort of obsessed with Firefly right now, though, so maybe it's just me. But it's all red and there's couches and stuff. It's like you're having drink in someone's really cool living room. We parked on Oakland. It was easy!
You can go to our local hardware store, Schriener Hardware, where once the man who worked there gave me a huge discount on a knife because I told him I wanted to carry it for self defense. (Then this partially reformed Mexican gangbanger that I used to know (Where did you go, Isaac? Hope you're ok.) taught me all these knife tricks.)
You can rent, like, any movie at North Campus Video, and yes, that old man with the pierced cheeks will be mean to you, but isn't that part of the charm? He's been being mean to me since I was 18. It's sort of comforting at this point.
And Smoker's Haven! It smells so good in there, and even though I don't smoke I spent something like 20 minutes looking at cool pipes and smelling tobacco and talking to the nice man who worked there. He told me that it is cheaper to smoke a pipe than a cigarrette, and it's not addictive because you don't inhale on a pipe. Maybe I should smoke a pipe.
I don't need to remind you about the Dube, right?
Dick's Den. Why Not?
Cazuela's! It's open AFTER THE BARS CLOSE on the weekends. You can go there for fourthmeal.
A lot of places down there have parking lots. It's not so bad, it's just unpleasant on High. You can handle it. You do unpleasant things every day. Come on!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Owly Pally
Me and Brax and Cabbage are makin' some Owl Sweaters.
Mine is out of O-Wool Legacy Bulky. It's organic! And lovely. Can I talk for a sec about O-Wool? The yarns--all of them--are gorgeous. They are also tough little workhorses. Organic workhorses.
That's my sweater. You know what it is? It's chewy. Chewy. Laugh it up, fuzzball. I just want to scrunch it.
Brax's is out of Cascade 128 (also very nice). I forget what Cabbage's is out of, but she is adjusting gauge for a smaller yarn. Smaller yarn? Not me! Brax and Cabbage are both doing theirs as cardigans, but I love me a pullover. So that's what's shakin' here at Wine Lips. I've been pouring hours and hours of time and yards and yards of yarn into this twisted rib sweater, which is supposed to become a pattern that I can sell or give away or publish in some capacity. It's beautiful. If the bust and shoulders work out how I want them to, it's going to be a pretty rad sweater. I've been working on it for a while, though, and I'm a little bored with it, and also I'm kind of at an impasse with the bust shaping. So it's pretty nice to follow someone else's instructions and work on a US 10.5 and have inches of sweater just--POOF!--materialize on your needles.
Owlies!
Mine is out of O-Wool Legacy Bulky. It's organic! And lovely. Can I talk for a sec about O-Wool? The yarns--all of them--are gorgeous. They are also tough little workhorses. Organic workhorses.
That's my sweater. You know what it is? It's chewy. Chewy. Laugh it up, fuzzball. I just want to scrunch it.
Brax's is out of Cascade 128 (also very nice). I forget what Cabbage's is out of, but she is adjusting gauge for a smaller yarn. Smaller yarn? Not me! Brax and Cabbage are both doing theirs as cardigans, but I love me a pullover. So that's what's shakin' here at Wine Lips. I've been pouring hours and hours of time and yards and yards of yarn into this twisted rib sweater, which is supposed to become a pattern that I can sell or give away or publish in some capacity. It's beautiful. If the bust and shoulders work out how I want them to, it's going to be a pretty rad sweater. I've been working on it for a while, though, and I'm a little bored with it, and also I'm kind of at an impasse with the bust shaping. So it's pretty nice to follow someone else's instructions and work on a US 10.5 and have inches of sweater just--POOF!--materialize on your needles.
Owlies!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Happy 75th, Glo!
Thanks for spending a lifetime fighting your heart out so Brax and I could do stuff like open our own yarn shop and not get beat by our men. Thanks for teaching us to fight too. Thanks for writing Revolution From Within because it taught me how radical and revolutionary it is to love yourself. Your work has tangibly affected my life and the life of every woman in the US and beyond. My generation of women grew up assuming an endless universe of options, and that's because your generation of women tore down every wall you could.
Thanks. Happy birthday.
Some things:
1. I found my keys! But not before I managed the throw out the sad story to enough people to get several drinks bought for me Monday night. They were in a bowl on the kitchen table. Under some apples. Sigh.
2. It's raining today. I was trying to think of the last time it precipitated in a not-frozen way. It was a while ago. This feels like a spring rain, and it's nice. It's a good day to sit in the yarn shop and drink coffee and listen to jazz, which is exactly what I'm doing.
3. Fibre Co. Organik feather-and-fan cowl. This yarn is pricey, and for good reason. It's 70% organic merino wool, 15% baby alpaca, and 15% silk. It's certainly one of the loveliest yarns I've ever knit with. I've been just eyeballing this yarn for months now, and finally, the day I lost my keys (AKA the day of self-indulgence) I decided to work out a one-skein project with the stuff.
That scratch on my cheek is where Chester pretended to be loving me but then scratched my face. Kittens suck.
I Had a Bad Day, I Deserve Luxury Yarn Cowl
Materials
Yarn: Fibre Co. Organik, 1 skein. Color shown: Jungle
Needles: US 9 16" circular
Gauge: something like 4-5 sts/inch in st st. Gauge is not critical in self-indulgent bad-day projects.
Size: adult medium. (To adjust sizing, add or subtract multiples of 18 sts.)
Pattern
CO 108 Sts. Join for working in round, being careful not to twist. PM for join. Work Feather and Fan lace as follows.
Rnd 1: Knit
Rnd 2: Knit
Rnd 3: *(K2tog) 3 times, (YO, K1) 6 times, (K2tog) 3 times* Repeat from * around.
Rnd 4: Purl
Repeat rounds 1-4 seven times. Cowl will measure about 4" long. BO all sts (try and BO on row 4). Weave in ends. Voila!
I finished this in an evening, and I had exactly 24" of yarn left over.
2. It's raining today. I was trying to think of the last time it precipitated in a not-frozen way. It was a while ago. This feels like a spring rain, and it's nice. It's a good day to sit in the yarn shop and drink coffee and listen to jazz, which is exactly what I'm doing.
3. Fibre Co. Organik feather-and-fan cowl. This yarn is pricey, and for good reason. It's 70% organic merino wool, 15% baby alpaca, and 15% silk. It's certainly one of the loveliest yarns I've ever knit with. I've been just eyeballing this yarn for months now, and finally, the day I lost my keys (AKA the day of self-indulgence) I decided to work out a one-skein project with the stuff.
That scratch on my cheek is where Chester pretended to be loving me but then scratched my face. Kittens suck.Materials
Yarn: Fibre Co. Organik, 1 skein. Color shown: Jungle
Needles: US 9 16" circular
Gauge: something like 4-5 sts/inch in st st. Gauge is not critical in self-indulgent bad-day projects.
Size: adult medium. (To adjust sizing, add or subtract multiples of 18 sts.)
Pattern
CO 108 Sts. Join for working in round, being careful not to twist. PM for join. Work Feather and Fan lace as follows.
Rnd 1: Knit
Rnd 2: Knit
Rnd 3: *(K2tog) 3 times, (YO, K1) 6 times, (K2tog) 3 times* Repeat from * around.
Rnd 4: Purl
Repeat rounds 1-4 seven times. Cowl will measure about 4" long. BO all sts (try and BO on row 4). Weave in ends. Voila!
I finished this in an evening, and I had exactly 24" of yarn left over.
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