Oh my god, oh my god, eww, eww, eww

OH MY GOD THREE GUESSES WHAT THIS FELTED OBJECT IS. One, two, three, I know you didn't get it.


It's a UTERUS. WITH A FETUS IN IT. But it's not, like, anyone's womb, my womb, or your womb, it's not the general womb.

It is Bella's womb, you guys. With the bloodsucking demon fetus in it. That's a tiny bloodsucking demon fetus, lovingly rendered in wool, by a fan.

I love books, and I love crafting, and I love it when crafting and literature come together, especially in a wacky way. But no. No, no, no, this is not right.

While we're on the topic, I read the Twilight series with ravenous interest, I loved it, I couldn't put it down, I'll probably read it again, and me and all my girlfriends did, in fact, go to the midnight showing of the film, where we all squealed along with the 12 year olds when Edward walked on screen.

Spoilers ahead, nerds. Although if you haven't read it yet, where you been?

On the other hand, while I was still reading the books, I spent hours on writerly tirades about how Stephanie Meyer is kind of an awful writer, and hours more on feminist tirades with Cabbage and Brax about how the series is, in many ways, actually horrifyingly sexist and messed up. If I were a mom I'd have to have a very serious conversation with my daughter before I let her read these books, which enthusiastically reinforce unhealthy and actually insane ideas about love and romance. Like, for example, the boy you like when you're 17 is your soul mate for whom you would die, and he is your whole world and it's all so romantic, and you're soul mates just like Romeo and Juliet! (teenage suicide=true love.) Or Cathy and Heathcliff! (more obsessive "love," soul mate/ownership crap. Note to Meyer and other women who buy this crazy line--Bronte was not trying to paint a portrait of true love with Wuthering Heights. Oh my God, no. You people are messed up if you're looking for a Heathcliff-Cathy dynamic in your love life, Holy Monkeys you are SO MESSED UP, get therapy, please.) It all gets even better when he miraculously rescues you from a stranger gang rape in an alley! And when he breaks up with you your life ends and you jump off cliffs and stuff, for fun, but oh good, he came back so everything's fine again, whoopee, let's all be vampires! Because, at 17, you are totally positive that you will love this person not only for the rest of your life, but for the rest of eternity.

However. Meyer is surely doing something right, because despite all that (and more) I am still, totally, a fan. I am genuinely completely confused about why I loved these books so much. I kind of turned into a dumbass teenager while I was reading them, all giggly with the knowledge that Edward could show up at any second. Even though I knew that Jacob was totally a better choice, I was still in love with Edward, imaginary Edward, because if a real Edward showed up in my life I'd be all "co-dependent! red-flags!! RUN AWAY!!!"

Anyway. So that felted womb is pretty crazy, huh?

Bruce

Exoskeleton

I'm sitting here at 2 AM with a glass of wine listening to the Dixie Chicks on repeat. It doesn't sound like a recipe for awesome, does it? Well, shit, I don't wanna talk about it, let's talk about something else.

1) Tinker, tinker. I've been tinkering around with this Manos I mentioned in my previous post. My So Called Scarf? I know I said I was anti. I lied, it's a really nice pattern.

2) On Thursday afternoon Brax and I arrived at my house, still smacking our wine lips from an evening at my parents' house. (We practiced some new songs with my mom, for our Andrews Sisters band. Those of you who find yourselves on the Thanksgiving drunk dial list get ready, we've got some excellent selections for you this year. Remember, let voice mail get it.) Also, woods-walking, naturally:


Anyway, we arrived at my house, and in the door was a big fat envelope, and in the envelope was:


The proof! The proof, the proof! The book proof, which Karida and I must look over very closely, and make any changes we want, because this is the last call for changes on the drunk knitting book. It has pictures in it and everything. There is even a picture of me and Karida in it, and we don't look stupid either. They put make up on us and stuff, so we look pretty stylish. Karida called me up and we dorked out over it for a while.

3) No Good Nick recently posted about the Book It! program from the 80's. Do you all remember this? You got pizza for reading books. PFFFFFFFFFFFT. I WOULD BE SO FREAKING FAT IF THIS WERE STILL TRUE.

My house, like Nick's, was always full of books, and my mom let me read whatever I wanted. The only book I remember my mom telling me not to read was Little Birds by Anias Nin, which I, of course, read the very second she left the room. I definitely read things that were over my head (I read the Catcher in the Rye when I was 11, and Possessing the Secret of Joy when I was 13. These were over my head.). It didn't do me any harm, and I'm a firm believer of letting kids read whatever they want.

I still read like a madwoman. When I went to Monticello last year I was all twitchy because I wanted to read Thomas Jefferson's books, which were, of course, behind glass. The tour guide was like, "Well, here's his books! That guy sure liked to read. Now if you'll all follow me into the bedroom..." So I didn't really even get to look at them very much. Dang, I like books.

This is why I can't get behind Kindle.

Things Kindle can't do
-have a book smell
-have old notations written in it
-sit on a shelf and tell you about the person who owns it
-be a time capsule (I stick things in books and joyfully rediscover them years later)
-have "Fannie Roberts on her Birthday, from Aunt Bev, March 12, 1946." written on the inside cover.
-get dog-eared and well loved.

Nick made a list of books he's read in the last 3 months, and I don't have that kind of time, but I figure I'll follow his lead. Here's a smattering of stuff I've read recently.

Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte Yeah, yeah. I'll never get sick of it. Over and over and over and over, I will read Wuthering Heights. I'll read it a million times and never totally get it, and I'll notice something new every time. I love this book.

The City of Dreaming Books Walter Moess This book was pretty freaking weird. The imagery was pretty brilliant, though, and I appreciate the creativity of a fellow bibliophile. The illustrations are completely charming.

The Mists of Avalon Marion Zimmer Bradley is vast and beautiful and cobwebby. Reminds one of one's feminist roots. Reminds one to deconstruct the framework of mythology, love, power, religion.

The Twilight Saga (Stephanie Meyer) Questionable in so many (many. many.) ways, and yet I read the entire series in 2 weeks. Reminds one that sometimes a story is a story and maybe you should stop thinking about it so much and just focus on wanting to bone the vampire.

Metamorphosis (Franz Kafka) Maybe Kafka is over my head? Exoskeleton.

The Portable Dorothy Parker I cannot stop with this book. I carry it around with me like I'm 16 and it's my goth girl journal. I love Dorothy Parker so much. If I could go back in time, I'd go straight to the Algonquin Round Table for a highball wearing a low-waisted dress and a fox fur scarf. Dottie and I would get drunk and be snarky to everyone and then we'd go out and act bad in high society. I'd explain that she should stop trying to kill herself because I'm from the future and know that she'll never actually manage it. It would be rad!

That was fun! Maybe I'll blog about books more.

Later,
Bruce

too too too too tooooo darn hot

Brax,

It is too hot to blowdry my hair. My hair is really thick and by the time I'm done I'm so sweaty that I shouldn't have bothered showering. It's also too hot to care that my hair looks crappy.

We have central air but we are not using it unless it gets above 85 degrees inside the house. I am proud to say that I have only had the air on four times this summer. All of those times, it was about 4 PM and the house was boiling, and I just turned on the air until the sun went down. My carbon footprint=reduced. I'm lucky in the sense that fans really make a difference in my house. In our old apartment there was absolutely no air circulation--sometimes it would be 70 degrees outside and about 400 million degrees inside. Anyway. We all need to do our part!

It is not exactly too hot to knit, but it is hot enough that my crafty mojo is sort of...lethargic? I've been doing some stuff. The Alexandra top:

Progress has been made, but now I've increased so much that it really looks like a crazy blob on those 24 inch needles. I get to separate the sleeves in a few rows here, then it will really look like something.

Also, birthday yarn!!!!!

Blogger is just DYING to upload my pictures sideways. Why? Why? Anyway, you can turn your computer sideways and see that this is my pretty pretty birthday-present-to-myself yarn worked up into a brioche stitch scarf. I always assumed brioche stitch would be hard. It's not. It's fun! It's sproingy.

I onlt bought 220 yards of the stuff, so it will probably be a pretty short scarf. A scarfette. Anyway, it will be nice and warm and soft and pretty.

And! Now that we live in a house with a yard, we can have plants! My dad gave me some zucchini seeds and Matt planted them. They poked up, like, immediately.

I'm a little nervous about them, since Aunt Purl had a hostile zucchini takeover. But I'm taking the chance. At this point, I think I'd be thrilled at a hostile zucchini takeover. Hooray! Zucchini!

See, I'm reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, and it's one of those books that you can't read without reexamining the most basic assumptions of your day to day life. I know that is a vast claim to make, but it's absolutely true. I'm only about 50 pages in and I'm already all "NO MORE ASPARAGUS OUT OF SEASON! WHERE THE HELL DID THIS APPLE COME FROM? WHO LAID THIS EGG?" And so on. (Go on, send my husband a sympathy card, I won't be offended.)

I mean, I'm not going to go living off the land (yet). I live in the city! But next summer I'm going to garden something fierce, and I'm going to immediately renew my commitment to the farmer's market, which lapsed when we moved. I don't know what market to go to here. Any Columbus readers have a recommendation?

Sincerely,
Bruce

P.S. Cheer up!

Re/Defining The Fem/In/Ine

Brax,

It's a beautiful day here in the heartland! The sun is shining and the birds are singing and my neighbor is listening to an awesome country record real loud. I'm glad she's rocking out on a Saturday morning. Obviously she didn't stay up all night reading or she wouldn't be so perky.

I was reading Jamaica Inn all night. This was the second time I've read it. I love it. Look, people don't seem to know about Daphne Du Maurier. I never got assigned her in school or anything. She's another one of those authors that I am only lucky enough to know about because I have a very well read mom. You should check her out. (Start with Rebecca.) She's a first rate storyteller and a damn good writer.

I'm on this Daphne Du Maurier trip right now because
a) I was reading Jamaica Inn again and
b) yesterday we watched the Hitchcock marathon (hooray!) on TCM, and they showed The Birds and I remembered how I kept meaning to read that book, which is, coincidentally, by Daphne Du Maurier. I went ahead and ordered it.

She was apparently one of Alfred Hitchcock's favorite writers, because he adapted three of her books into movies (Jamaica Inn, Rebecca (Oscar winner, best picture 1940!) The Birds). I think this is really interesting considering how CRAZY SEXIST he was. Most of Du Maurier's books have interesting, strong, complex female lead characters. I haven't read The Birds yet, but I am pretty excited to see what the source material is like, since the movie is one of Hitchcock's lady-hatingest. If I ever went back to college for another useless liberal arts degree, I'd probably write a thesis called something like Re/Defining The Fem/In/Ine: Women in Hitchcock's Du Maurier Adaptations. I'd get an A on it, too. (Actually, that sounds really fun. Hm. Part of me could have really enjoyed academia if it didn't require so many deadlines and stuff. And if I felt like it had practical applications beyond intellectual circle jerks.)

Anyway. I started a new project!!!111@1!

It's a little early to tell, but that there is the Alexandra ballet sweater from Fitted knits. The yarn is Debbie Bliss Chunky Donegal Tweed. (I am ripping out the Cozy V-Neck sweater from Fitted knits in order to make it.) I was going to invent my own beautiful cabled cardigan pattern, and then I remembered that I wanted to go on a knitting vacation. This pattern is fun and easy! And really wearable. Plus I think it is a better use of the yarn than the V-Neck sweater. I'm so excited to be knitting for fun with some of my favorite things --green, tweed, chunky, raglan, cables. Updates to follow.

Sister is ready for winter.

Luv,
Bruce