Wine Lips

inventory time!

2009-10-13T18:02:00.003-04:00

Fall Knitting Inventory!

1) Campus Scarf in O-Wool Classic for my buddyfriend
2) BADASS CABLED TWEED CAPE
3) Cabled cowl in frog tree alpaca worsted
4) Boneyard scarf for the little brotherface. I am picturing him biking all around town in it, keepin' warm.
5) Ozark Opulent hat and scarflet set for Miss KT.

Also I still need to sew the buttons onto my Owly sweater, in O-Wool Bulky (love [10000]).

All this gift knitting and none of it is Christmas presents. It's all just-because. I probably should have thought ahead.

FACT: If you barely knit anything at all for a whole year, your wrist will get better. It's Hooray! I can knit again. And I am, like a madwoman.

I haven't been blogging because 1) I haven't been knitting and 2) I have been writing other things. I've been putting my writing energy into my writing group, making stories. But things are looking up and I'm starting to think I've got enough juice to knit and blog and do stories too.

I'm still designing patterns too, working on new stuff that I'm excited about. Plus running WonderKnit and waitressing on the weekends...it really sounds like a lot when you put it on paper. I guess it is a lot, and I'm tired a lot, but mainly, I'm happy. :)

babies get blankets

2009-06-23T22:23:00.003-04:00

This baby blanket is going to be really hard. I’m trying to make it look like an undersea wonderland! I got this yarn, it’s blue and green. Not, like, baby blue and baby green, but royal blue and bright lime green. The first row is a purl row, it’s a green row. I’m going to do another green row next, and then some blue rows. It’s going to be skinny green stripes and fat blue stripes. But the tricky part is, I’d like it to be kind of wavy, like scalloped all the way through. But if I did that, then the fish would to be really hard to knit. These imaginary fish are a dusty, mustard yellow color. I’m going to have to sacrifice either the fish or the waves, I think.

The blanket is for my friend. He isn’t born yet. I’m pretty sure he’s a he. His mom got those crazy high resolution ultrasounds, and you can tell the baby has his dad’s nose. You can tell it from INSIDE her stomach. That’s nutty. In one of the pictures, he has his foot in his mouth. That baby is in there, eatin’ feet. So I am making him a wool blanket, even though he’s going to be born in July. It will keep til winter.

Babies are nuts. I want one pretty bad, but they’re also kind of horrifying. When this one gets born, I’m going to watch his parents very closely and see how it affects their lives. They’re my kind of people, so maybe I can do it too. I’m knitting for their baby because he’s new, and because I love them, but also because babies should have stuff made by hand, just for them, while they’re incubating. This baby doesn’t even need blankets, his great grandmother made him some before he was even dreamed of, before his mom met his dad, before she died. And isn’t that wonderful? So he has blankets, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have a fishy blanket. Yet!

I cast on 160 stitches. This will make the blanket about 50 inches wide. I don’t even know if that’s the right size for a baby blanket. I know literally nothing about babies. A couple weeks ago these people asked my friend to baby-sit their baby in a pinch. She brought the baby to my shop, and we sat there looking at it and talking to it like it was an adult, and just handing it things to keep it amused. We gave him some crochet swatches, and a lip gloss, and a ball of yarn. We tried to let him crawl around on the floor but he kept trying to go outside. We were comically inept with the baby. We just kept looking at him like, man. What do we do with this? Maybe we should hand him something. Here, baby.

Once, when she tried to change his diaper, he was really squirmy, and he hit his head on the floor and cried, and then it was like, OH NO we probably killed the baby. He recovered pretty quickly, though. Babies are tough.

The little dude that’s on his way will be tough. His mom and dad are seriously tough. His mom has this badass tattoo of a unicorn and a rainbow. It’s giant, and the unicorn looks like it would kick your ass in a second. A few weeks ago his dad got punched in the face by a fat girl at 3 AM in the Cluck U chicken. He texted me and said “I think I’m in love.” These are his parents. This baby is going to be a rad baby. I’ve got 4 weeks to make him a rad blanket. With fishes on it. I'll post the results! If it ends up nice, I'll write up a pattern for you guys.

Fridays

2009-05-19T13:02:00.004-04:00

If you ever wonder how your waitress feels when she gets off work at the end of the night, take a look at my groceries from Friday night circa 1 AM.

Yeah, that's a by-God mozzarella log. And an US Weekly. What? I grabbed that salad for balance. It's fine.

Scarftowne

2009-05-18T15:59:00.004-04:00

Mostly-reclamation scarf. Artyarns worsted! I've been looking at this beautiful yellow yarn for, literally, YEARS. Finally made something with it! It's pretty! I LOVE this scarf.

green stuff

2009-05-12T15:29:00.016-04:00

I'm, like, really into these things right now.

I'm going through 2 boxes a week. I'm eatin' them right now. As we speak. As I blog. DAMN PITA CHIPS YOU LOOKIN GOOD.

Reclamation Scarf. Artyarns supermerino. 2 balls. Shoot, I'll wear it.

This weekend I went home to the farm for a few days to celebrate a couple things. One was my cousin Frank's 18th birthday. He was recently named Prom King, and he's about to graduate. We're pretty proud of him!

I also wanted to spend Mother's Day with my mom. And I needed to get away for a couple days, anyway. So we went to see A Little Night Music, which was just fantastic. I'd never seen it. Most of the time was spent just hanging out on the farm though. Here is spring on the farm, in photos.

Max and Phil. When you've got cookies, Max (the black one) does a sweet Stevie Wonder impression.

These guys want carrots like I want pita chips.

The Guinea Foul: Vinnie and Minnie. If they get separated for any reason they FREAK OUT.

Dogs.

Cows.

Familytown.

Green.

Luv,
Bruce

You know what the goat means...

2009-05-06T11:53:00.003-04:00

Ok, so listen to this shit.

I've been sick this week. I've got that stupid cold that's going around. Cough, cough, cough. It sucks. So I didn't go out Monday night, and I rested all day Tuesday, and by the time Tuesday evening rolled around I was going stir crazy. Still coughing, still sick, but stir crazy. Matt was out tearing up the town with Mr. Cabbage, so I was home alone, watching Rachel Maddow and knitting. It actually sounds like a nice night, under normal circumstances. But I was bored. So I called up KT and she said she'd come over and have a glass of wine and entertain me. Then the Science Pirate turned up! So I was rich in buddies.

We sat on the porch chatting. The Science Pirate left, Matt turned up, and so it was KT, Matt, and I having a leisurely time on the porch. Between 4 of us, we killed a single bottle of wine. Sober Sallies. We were on a pretty solid gossip train when a COP CAR rolled up on the corner.

You heard me.

We stared, bemused, from one another to the cop car. The cop just sat in the car for about 5 minutes, looking at his clipboard and talking on his radio, so that we thought he was maybe just doing some paperwork. Finally, though, he got out of the car, walked hesitantly across my lawn, and said, in a rather embarassed tone, "hey, um, we got a call...about noise. Was there anyone else on your street outside making noise tonight?"

We told him no. He continued, "Ok, well, someone said there were people yelling and screaming and laughing loud and stuff out here...so I guess just...try and keep it down?"

We were like, um, ok. And then he left.

The cop spent 5 minutes in his car making sure he was at the right place. Because, you know, where's the wild party? He was actually embarassed to tell us to shut up because we were 3 people talking at normal volume before 1 AM. But here is the kicker, for me: whoever called the cops on us involved the authorities before speaking to us. Which is, where I come from, way, way WAAAAAAAAAAY ruder than hanging out on your porch.

This is the second time this has happened. The first time was the very night we moved in. I think a few things about this.

1. I think the childish, rude asshole who has called the police on me twice, without doing me the courtesy of speaking to me to my face, lives two doors down. I think he is the same guy who is the only one on the block who doesn't say hi. The one who has only ever spoken to me to say, "you can't park there." The one who's wife is really, really friendly. Professor Umbridge friendly. Right after the first noise complaint, she said to me with a saccharine smile "We have to get up really early, so it's nice that it's such a quiet neighborhood. Isn't this a lovely neighborhood? It's always JUST. LIKE. THIS." These people are, just coincidentally, the only people over 35 on the block.

2. I think it might be personal. Because it is not AT ALL unusual for people to be talking and laughing on their porches late into the night. Unless we're all getting the cops called on us all the time, I find it odd that it's happened to me twice now.

3. I think this nefarious douchebag uses the police as a warning. Like, I think that he called the cops the first night we moved in to show us, hey new neighbors, I'm the boss of the neighborhood. I think that he called them last night to remind us, as we enter porch season, that he's still a dick so we'd better stay in line.

4. OH MY GOD it is SO RUDE to call the police on someone without personally speaking to them first. Also, he should get cited for wasting police time. Also, if you're going to live in the city AT ALL, much less less than 2 miles from campus in a neighborhood full of young people, you should maybe learn to live with conversation level noise. Also, WTF?

So anyway, as soon as I get home tonight I'm going around and knocking on all my neighbors' doors to ask them if they called the cops. I am pretty sure I know who it was, but I'd like to individually bitch to everyone on the block about the tyranny of this single dick.

My nearest and dearest are rolling their eyes right now, having seen me riled up like this before.

In these situations, Matt usually says "let me do the talking," because he's Mr. Lawyer, while I tend to get all trailer park on people. But I literally CANNOT RESTRAIN MYSELF. Like the time back in DC when, due to a laundry-room disagreement, I stood outside our neighbor's door banging on it and yelling "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE I CAN HEAR YOUR TV NOW COME OUT HERE AND TALK TO ME LIKE A GODDAMN ADULT!!!" While Matt stood behind me with his face in his hands. Heh.

Or the time our roof was leaking in DC and I left a voice mail for our landlord that said something like "CRAIG, this is LIBBY and our roof is LEAKING AND YOU NEED TO BE MORE ACCESSABLE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AND I WILL MARCH DOWN TO THE ESCROW OFFICE RIGHT NOW you are a LAWYER you know PERFECTLY WELL what your RESPONSIBILITIES ARE as a LANDLORD...." and I kept going until Matt took the phone away from me.

But I know that is probably not the best way to be, especially since these people just LOVE to call the police, so tonight I'll try and bite my tongue and let Matt lawyer them up.

But really. Gets my goat.

Bruce

May day!

2009-05-01T14:35:00.007-04:00

Today, a list.

1) I have always hated brushing my teeth because toothpaste is gross. Blech. When I moved out of the sticks and into the city at age 18, I discovered natural toothpaste from the hippie store, and it kind of changed my life. Tom's of Maine! It isn't sweet. No chemicals. When I have to use, like, Crest or something it is always completely overwhelming to my palate.

So it is with no great chagrin that I present to you my new favorite lip gloss, Cover Girl Wetslicks Amazemint. It's made in cooperation with Crest. It sort of smells and tastes like toothpaste.

Yeah, that's a blurry picture of my lip gloss reclining on some crochet swatches. What?

I now have at least 4 colors of it. It's like 6 bucks at the drug store. My favorite is the purpley one. Purple was the big lip gloss color for Summer 2007. I don't know what the big lip gloss color is for Spring 2009 is...I've sort of refused to let purple die. But this ice blue one is cool...it's not blue on, just shiny and frosty.

2) I've had a kind of crummy week. Nothing awful has happened, I'm just kind of tired and burned out. I've been working really hard and I think I need a break. The early part of the week was just a series of irritations, essentially. I'm sorry to everyone I yelled at (cringe). The wife's a little high strung. On Wednesday I sort of flipped out for a minute and cried, which is really, like, not my thing.

After my little crying jag, I was g-chatting up my buddy Mr. Hix back in the District, and happened to mention my bad mood. About an hour later, I was sitting on the couch in the shop, knitting away on a trendy, hip triangular scarf (knitted hipster bandana. All the cool kids are making them). I saw a young man coming up the street with a lovely vase of flowers, and I thought, in a rather lackluster way, "He got his girlfriend flowers. How nice." (Sometimes the Princess Sunshine part of my personality gets tired, but I still try and go through the motions.)

Then I saw how he was heading towards the shop and I thought, "huh, maybe he is the delivery guy. Maybe he's about to deliver those flowers to me! Chuh. Yeah, right. Hmph. I'm sure that's going to fucking happen. Any fucking second now." (Look, I know my Aunt Jean reads this and everything so I should watch my mouth, but I am duty bound to write honestly. I dropped the F bomb in that moment. Mentally. Don't be mad, Aunt Jean.)

Anyway...But then.......

!! The flower man came on in and said kind of hesitantly "I'm supposed to deliver these to....the WonderKnit Gals." They were from Mr. Hix! He sent me flowers because I told him I was sad. Well, they're really for all of us. He addressed them to "the Wonderknit gals and their rad customers." So they're not just for me. But they really cheered me up! Thery're on the table here in the shop, brightenin' up the joint.

Then my mom and Matt both did really nice things to cheer me up too, and I went to bed early, readin' a nice book and thinkin' contentedly of how lucky I am. I still need a vacation, but if I've got this kind of support network, I can handle it. Lucky Duck.

3) Hey, if your number is in my phone, there's a pretty good chance you've gotten a text from me, after midnight, that says something like, "Psidobmaly Karaoke. Matbe tomorrow eat Lunch but hasnnome boyss right noaw. Kt and Brax are stupd." So anyway, here's this website. It's my favorite right now. You can send them your drunk texts and they'll post them.

4) http://doihavepigflu.com/ hahahahaha!

5) My shop's fulla boys eatin' cookies.

6) I guess that's about all I got.

Luv,
Bruce

Hahaha, I Am So Classy.

2009-04-20T11:22:00.003-04:00

So yesterday was my day off. It's been a beautiful week in Columbus, but of course on my day off it rained all day. At least it wasn't cold!

I had a real nice day off. I slept in and read my book and had coffee with my baby, and then we went to lunch. After lunch I was like, PAJAMAS. We watched, like, half of Krull. Remember Krull? It's not as good now as it was in the 80's, trust me. Sometimes nostalgia can save a movie. Once I forced Matt to watch Little Monsters. He hadn't seen it as a child (WHAT? Seriously, what kid in the 80's didn't see Little Monsters?) and apparently if you didn't love it during your childhood, it is awful. Nostalgia totally makes Little Monsters awesome to me. Not so, Krull.

So dinnertime rolls around, and I am officially amazing. I decided I wanted to make hot browns. I don't know if hot browns are a real thing or if they're just something my mom made up. It's like an open-face sandwich, and then you cover it with cheese sauce and some shredded cheddar and put it under the broiler 'til it's brown on top. OH MAN. I put mushrooms and onions and spinach and avocado on those suckers, and whipped me up a little cheesey saucey, and they were GOOD.

However, before I could create this sammytown excellence, I had to get all those things. Spinach, and avocado, and mushrooms, and onions, and bread, and also milk for the cheese sauce. I don't know if you know this about me, but I really hate the grocery store and sometimes I don't go there until there's nothin in the pantry but dried beans. But! That's what husbands are for. Matt went out in the rain for the groceries and I stayed home and wove in ends on my Owl Sweater (just needs eyeballs and it's donezo!)

So there I was, on the couch, weavin' ends, when Matt popped back in the door all angry.

He had just gone through a nightmare of not being able to pay for groceries. The debit card wouldn't work. And, readers, something is definitely wrong with the card because I had just put money in that account and checked the balance that very morning. Frustration station! They wouldn't let him write a check because to write checks at the grocery store you have to register, apparently, and it takes a couple weeks or something. So he's all embarassed and angry, and he pops in the door to say that the groceries are at the customer service desk at the Giant Eagle, and can I give him cash for them? I didn't have enough cash! I gave him my debit card, but he was concerned that they wouldn't let him use it because it was obviously not his card and he was already a suspicious character who couldn't pay his bill. So.

So I went to the grocery store.

I went to the grocery store in my red PJ pants and a dirty old T shirt and no bra. I threw a cardigan on. I had, earlier in the evening, grabbed my hair in a handful and threw a rubber band around it, so it was in a lumpy, off-center approximation of a ponytail. (My hair is very short, so my ponytail sticks straight out from the back of my head. It's cute.) I went, in this handsome state, to pay for groceries for which my husband was famously unable to pay. This was one of the more publicly white trash moments of my life...but it gets better!

I paid for the groceries, went home, looked in the mirror, and realized that I had a GIGANTIC hickey on my neck.

Inventory:

-at grocery store.
-can't pay bill.
-sweat pants.
-t shirt, no bra.
-stained cardigan.
-sloppy, lumpy ponytail.
-hickey.
-HICKEY.

This is the path my mother told me to avoid. My mom is a laid back lady, but she was always pretty adamant about the trashyness of hickeys, and I have to say, I agree with her. Furthermore, I am one of those girls at Ross High that I swore I would never become. No! I was better than all that, and I was gonna shake off the dust of this crummy town and see the world! Be a classy sophisticate, and no one would ever dream that I came from such beginnings. So don't tell 10-years-ago Libby about yesterday. All I was missing was a pack of dirty children and a looney tunes t shirt.

Later that night, after grooming myself, I went to karaoke. I forgot all about the hickey in my rush to leave the house, didn't put makeup on it or anything, and, of course, wasn't wearing a scarf or a cowl for the first time in, like, 6 months. I literally was not two steps inside the bar when my friend the karaoke DJ came up to me, put his arm around me, and without so much as a "hello," said "Did a bird fly into your neck?"

If anyone needs me, I'll be getting my navel pierced or cooking meth or something.

Luv,
Bruce

little bites

2009-04-11T14:00:00.003-04:00

Holy Monkeys. I've had a pretty serious fortnight.

If you made it to the book release party, thanks, thank you, thank you, thanks! I've got my humble and grateful pants on, and my luckyduck hat.

Last week I had some personal drama. I don't want to detail it on the internet. But it was shitty, rest assured. It went on for a solid seven days. I dropped pretty much every ball I was juggling. I sucked. Things got sorted out, eventually, and hopefully for the better, but a thing like that has aftermath.

I gave up a bank serving shift, and in doing so lost a pretty significant part of my budget for the week. I did not return calls or e mails. I left most of the book party stuff to the very last minute. Fortunately most of the planning had been done earlier, it just needed some follow-through, and I had lots of people who were happy to help it come together. Of course, I also lost all control over home and hearth, and so had no groceries or clean clothes. I went to Waffle House and, I think, used up all my text messages. Even though my plan is unlimited, surely there is a rule against the massive amount of irresponsible texting I did last Thursday night.

Everything was all wrong, and then it got right again. But I'm still shaky. Put on your boots, Bruce, you can't stop now. I picked up my balls and started juggling again. Got everything done, and was happy. Saw Karida and my family! Had a party! Got to wear high heels and drink wine! I even got two (two!) different bouquets of flowers, in one night, which made 3 for the week, which is certainly a record.

So I had a terrible week followed by a week of tremendous excitement. And now I'm on the couch. Old friend! I have to work at the restaurant tonight, but I have the afternoon to rest, which is lovely. I think I'm coming down with something, and it's really just been a gigantic huge roller-coaster two weeks. I feel kind of how I felt when I got married...like I need to stop and absorb everything, a little at a time, so I can understand it all and it won't overwhelm me. The quiet of this afternoon is perfection. Just the cats and me, and the couch. Pajamas. I think maybe a bath, in a minute here. Being still, eating up this whole mess of feelings and experiences one tiny bite at a time.

Luv,
Bruce

Book Release!

2009-04-06T16:13:00.005-04:00

Promo photo! I specifically made sure they gave me a PBR. They were like, here, you girls each get a drink, and we were like, noooo, give us like 40 drinks. Put them here, on the table. And they did.

Pints and Purls is finally, officially, DONEZO--written, knitted, edited, photographed, and released. Now it's even distributed!

I'm really excited and proud, and I hope you guys like it.

Those of you in Ohio will be able to come celebrate with me and Karida this Thursday, at the P&P midwest release party! Details here! I really hope you can make it.

And thanks for reading.

Luv,
Bruce

P.S.

Me and Brax's Owlies are coming right along...but I started my sleeves, so I'm winning!

Spend Some Time Between Dodridge and Lane

2009-03-30T15:21:00.005-04:00

Dudes,

Hey, Columbus! It's really, really bumming me out the way the city is driving half of North-of-Campus out of business with the High Street construction. I'm hearing rumblings of lots of closings, and it's no good. It's really annoying to go anywhere between Dodridge and Lane. I know all about it. Do it anyway. This construction isn't gonna be done for another YEAR, and all those little local shops are suffering, even institutions like the Dube. It would make you sad if these places closed.

Reasons to Take Your Ass to the Construction Zone

I'm already sad because I heard a rumor that Black Market is going under. Guys! Kelly Martin is our local fashion hero! Why aren't we buying all her dresses? She was just on freaking Project Runway! Go to her shop. Go there. Buy dresses. She's a cool girl and it's a cool shop.

There's that new little restaurant, Sage, which is really good! And Clintonville needs restaurants. But they're going to die if we don't brave the construction and eat there.

Did you know Taj Mahal has a bar in it? It's open til 1. Here's my review of Taj Mahal: Food: pretty good. Patio: excellent. Weird, unexpected lounge: RAD. You don't think about going there. It doesn't occur to you. But you should. I think no one is going there, so maybe you and your friends should. We went there Sunday night (Sunday is karaoke and ladies night in the Taj Mahal lounge. The ladies night drink specials are nuts--I got both KT and myself DRUNK for 12 bucks, girls. THEY'RE CRAZY FOR LOW PRICES. Take your titties in there and get some cheap drinks.) It's cool in there. It feels kind of like Inarra's whorin' shuttle on Firefly. I'm sort of obsessed with Firefly right now, though, so maybe it's just me. But it's all red and there's couches and stuff. It's like you're having drink in someone's really cool living room. We parked on Oakland. It was easy!

You can go to our local hardware store, Schriener Hardware, where once the man who worked there gave me a huge discount on a knife because I told him I wanted to carry it for self defense. (Then this partially reformed Mexican gangbanger that I used to know (Where did you go, Isaac? Hope you're ok.) taught me all these knife tricks.)

You can rent, like, any movie at North Campus Video, and yes, that old man with the pierced cheeks will be mean to you, but isn't that part of the charm? He's been being mean to me since I was 18. It's sort of comforting at this point.

And Smoker's Haven! It smells so good in there, and even though I don't smoke I spent something like 20 minutes looking at cool pipes and smelling tobacco and talking to the nice man who worked there. He told me that it is cheaper to smoke a pipe than a cigarrette, and it's not addictive because you don't inhale on a pipe. Maybe I should smoke a pipe.

I don't need to remind you about the Dube, right?

Dick's Den. Why Not?

Cazuela's! It's open AFTER THE BARS CLOSE on the weekends. You can go there for fourthmeal.

A lot of places down there have parking lots. It's not so bad, it's just unpleasant on High. You can handle it. You do unpleasant things every day. Come on!

Owly Pally

2009-03-26T16:43:00.004-04:00

Me and Brax and Cabbage are makin' some Owl Sweaters.

Mine is out of O-Wool Legacy Bulky. It's organic! And lovely. Can I talk for a sec about O-Wool? The yarns--all of them--are gorgeous. They are also tough little workhorses. Organic workhorses.

That's my sweater. You know what it is? It's chewy. Chewy. Laugh it up, fuzzball. I just want to scrunch it.

Brax's is out of Cascade 128 (also very nice). I forget what Cabbage's is out of, but she is adjusting gauge for a smaller yarn. Smaller yarn? Not me! Brax and Cabbage are both doing theirs as cardigans, but I love me a pullover. So that's what's shakin' here at Wine Lips. I've been pouring hours and hours of time and yards and yards of yarn into this twisted rib sweater, which is supposed to become a pattern that I can sell or give away or publish in some capacity. It's beautiful. If the bust and shoulders work out how I want them to, it's going to be a pretty rad sweater. I've been working on it for a while, though, and I'm a little bored with it, and also I'm kind of at an impasse with the bust shaping. So it's pretty nice to follow someone else's instructions and work on a US 10.5 and have inches of sweater just--POOF!--materialize on your needles.

Owlies!

Happy 75th, Glo!

2009-03-25T14:53:00.004-04:00

Thanks for spending a lifetime fighting your heart out so Brax and I could do stuff like open our own yarn shop and not get beat by our men. Thanks for teaching us to fight too. Thanks for writing Revolution From Within because it taught me how radical and revolutionary it is to love yourself. Your work has tangibly affected my life and the life of every woman in the US and beyond. My generation of women grew up assuming an endless universe of options, and that's because your generation of women tore down every wall you could.

Thanks. Happy birthday.

Some things:

2009-03-25T11:27:00.004-04:00

1. I found my keys! But not before I managed the throw out the sad story to enough people to get several drinks bought for me Monday night. They were in a bowl on the kitchen table. Under some apples. Sigh.

2. It's raining today. I was trying to think of the last time it precipitated in a not-frozen way. It was a while ago. This feels like a spring rain, and it's nice. It's a good day to sit in the yarn shop and drink coffee and listen to jazz, which is exactly what I'm doing.

3. Fibre Co. Organik feather-and-fan cowl. This yarn is pricey, and for good reason. It's 70% organic merino wool, 15% baby alpaca, and 15% silk. It's certainly one of the loveliest yarns I've ever knit with. I've been just eyeballing this yarn for months now, and finally, the day I lost my keys (AKA the day of self-indulgence) I decided to work out a one-skein project with the stuff.

That scratch on my cheek is where Chester pretended to be loving me but then scratched my face. Kittens suck.

I Had a Bad Day, I Deserve Luxury Yarn Cowl

Materials
Yarn: Fibre Co. Organik, 1 skein. Color shown: Jungle
Needles: US 9 16" circular
Gauge: something like 4-5 sts/inch in st st. Gauge is not critical in self-indulgent bad-day projects.
Size: adult medium. (To adjust sizing, add or subtract multiples of 18 sts.)

Pattern
CO 108 Sts. Join for working in round, being careful not to twist. PM for join. Work Feather and Fan lace as follows.

Rnd 1: Knit
Rnd 2: Knit
Rnd 3: *(K2tog) 3 times, (YO, K1) 6 times, (K2tog) 3 times* Repeat from * around.
Rnd 4: Purl

Repeat rounds 1-4 seven times. Cowl will measure about 4" long. BO all sts (try and BO on row 4). Weave in ends. Voila!

I finished this in an evening, and I had exactly 24" of yarn left over.

Everything is hard.

2009-03-23T12:43:00.007-04:00

Brax,

I am addressing this to you because it is a straight up rant, and I know you will understand when I tell you about my day. Goat: got.

I can't find my keys. They're nowhere.

I will retrace my steps for you: Last night, Matt and I walked up to our local hippie grocery store to buy fake meat products and organic cream because I wanted to make cream of carrot soup. I took only my keys and my phone, which I stuck in the canvas shopping bag. On the way back, I fished out my phone because I am literally physically addicted to it. So there my keys were, under our hippie groceries. We got home. We tried to go in the back door, but then I remembered I'd locked the screen door from the inside for reasons that made sense, at the time. So we went around to the front. Matt unlocked the door. We went straight to the kitchen and started dinner. Matt unpacked the groceries. He remembers seeing my keys in the grocery bag and removing them, but not what he did with them. Logically, he would have handed them to me or sat them somewhere like the kitchen table.

The keys are nowhere. Here are the places I looked, in the order I looked in them:

1. Kitchen table
2. Under the kitchen table
3. Kitchen Counter
4. Grocery bag, purse
5. Behind the coffee maker and all the flour-sugar-coffee canister things
6. Stove area
7. Coffee table
8. End tables
9. Mantle
10. Couch
11. Chair
12. Dining room table
13. Bookshelves
14. Nightstand
15. floor around nightstand
16. in the bed
17. In the laundry pile
18. Husband's desk, chair
19. bathroom window sill, shelf
20. medicine cabinet
21. pockets of my coat, Matt's coat
22. Kitchen window sill (I even opened the window to make sure the keys were not in between the screen and the glass.)
23. refrigerator, freezer, including the drawers and underneath frozen pizza
24. kitchen bookshelf, including behind the cookbook I used last night.
25. dishwasher
26. all kitchen drawers
27. under all cushions in living room
28. under all living room furniture
29. in purses which have not been carried in weeks.
30. inside washing machine.
31. inside dryer
32. underwear drawer
33. dishwasher
34. under apples in fruit bowl.
35. inside TV cabinet
36. mailbox
37. pockets of husband's pants
38. knitting bags
39. pile of clothes on bedroom floor
40. under bed
41. garbage can
42. dumpster. Yes. I went through the damn trash in the dumpster.
43. all of these places again and again. except the dumpster, I only did that one once.

When things like this happen, the lost object is always, always somewhere completely stupid, like underneath a hat you tossed down on the bed. But I didn't toss any hats on the bed. Where are my keys? Where? The kitten is too small to bat my big, heavy keyring very far, and I think I would have heard any key batting. Plus I looked under most things. Oh, balls.

So when I couldn't find the keys, I started calling Matt because I knew he was the last person to see the keys alive. But his phone does this THING. There is a button on the outside of the phone which turns off the ringer, and he puts the phone in his pocket and the button gets hit somehow, and his ringer is off. It always happens when I, like, really need to talk to him. Last time it happened I was supposed to be calling him when I got off work at the restaurant, so he could come get me. I was calling and calling and calling and calling, and he was just sitting at home watching TV, blissfully unaware. Meanwhile I'm sitting at the bar at work, after a long night, with no ride home, and all the boys at work (whom I adore. usually.) are saying things like "MAAAAAAAAAN, Matt is in the DOGHOUSE tonight!!!" and "Hey, Bruce, you gonna tear him up when you get home?" With a little bit of glee, because they love it when someone besides them is in trouble with their lady. I finally called Topher to get dressed and come get me.

So naturally, his phone was doing that thing this morning, when I was running around half hysterical and terribly late. I left him some excellent voice mails. (Eventually I did get ahold of him and he was very helpful.)

Anyway. So I'm making do with borrowed keys today, but I cannot drive anywhere, so don't ask me to. When I get home tonight I'm going to tear the house apart, but I cannot imagine where the keys could be that I haven't already looked. Probably in hiding with my white full slip, which went missing right about the time it got warm enough to wear dresses.

OH YEAH! Speaking of clothes, here is the other thing that happened to me this week. I got home from work at the restaurant on Friday night, and I undressed and found that I had a rash on my knees, ankles, elbows, armpits, and around my waist. I was pretty horrified. The next day I talked to my mom and she suggested that it was a detergent allergy, and when I thought about it I realized that the rash was all in places where my clothes were tight against my skin. Turns out I'm allergic to 7th generation liquid detergent. Sorry, environment, I'm going back to Tide. The rash is already mostly healed.

I guess that is enough bitching for today. Things have turned around. KT and the Science Pirate came to see me and brought me mexican food and a rice crispy treat, and now we're getting some lottery tickets so if we win, drinks are on me!

Luv,
Bruce

P.S. readers, Brax and Cabbage and I are doing an Owl Sweater Knit-Along. Exciting! Excited! Don't be grumpy.

New Knitty

2009-03-11T17:24:00.004-04:00

I haven't liked an issue of Knitty this much for a long time. Very nice. Although, as Micah has pointed out, there's not much in this one for the boys.

Anyway, this is adorable. I know a certain bun in the oven who will be getting one, if I happen to get my druthers before the timer goes off.

Spring knitting! Not bad!

ETA: Hate weaving in ends? checkit out...Russian Join. (Sometimes I think we should rename this blog "let's all avoid finishing."

-Bruce

sometimes I want to talk about fashion.

2009-03-11T15:00:00.007-04:00

A brief aside:

The fall '09 runway shows started a few weeks ago, and I've been watching, eagerly, hoping for somebody to blow my mind. I enjoy being a fashion spectator, and I want what's on the runway to be obviously unaffordable, impractical, inaccessible, a little bit scary, and completely fabulous. I want to have to look to find the wearable elements. I would like, please, for your models to look like aliens. I want your chief stylist to be a homeless conceptual artist from Prauge. YES. Please.

So I've been pretty disappointed so far. I don't know if you guys pay attention to this stuff, but you can view most of the collections here. Meh, mostly. BUT. Then. Finally, Alexander McQueen came along and saved the day. Look! Here is a summary. And here is the whole collection.

Prayers: answered.

Beautiful, distinctive designs. GENIUS styling. Alien models, scary makeup, weird things stuck on the models' heads. YES, PLEASE. I'm pretty much 100% behind everything he sent down the runway.

OK, back to your regularly scheduled knitting blog...

Bruce

February Flowers!

2009-02-27T14:30:00.005-05:00

No, not those crappy potted tulips in the grocery store that mess with my head every year. (I love tulips. They're my favorite flower. Love them. I wanted to name my imaginary future daughter Tulip but Matt pretty much straight-up vetoed that. Yellow tulips are the best ones, but I also really love those dark blood-red ones. So every year February hits and the grocery store has a bunch of them in little pots, and I get all excited! But they are pitiful tulips, as flowers from the grocery store always are, and they die die die. It's no good!)

No, knitted flowers. Accompanied by some pretty interesting discussion. It's a research project! Check it out.

In other news, February is almost over, which means you will soon stop wanting to set your winter coat on fire and run out of the house in your underwear, screaming. Is that just me? I'm at that point, where I'm just miserable about day after day of jeans-sweater-boots-coat-hat-scarf, and tomorrow too, and the next day. Every day I go to get dressed and I look at all the pretty clothes in my wardrobe and then I turn away from them, and put on jeans-sweater-boots-coat-hat-scarf. Oh, February, just die already!

Oh yeah! Also, guys, look...

Book book book book. Pints and Purls! Me and Karida's names, right there on the cover. Wow! You can preorder it on Amazon! And you can even preorder it from Target, which I guess means we've got some mainstream appeal. Which is unexpected, but cool. The day I got my advance copy in the mail, I took it to karaoke with me, to show off. It was getting kind of handed around the bar, and this guy I know walked up to me, pointed at the back of the book, and said "ISBN NUMBER. It has an ISBN number. It's totally a real book!"

Yeah! It is. Neato!

Luv,
Bruce

WOAH finishing tip

2009-02-08T12:51:00.010-05:00

I just got my mind blown on Ravelry. They're having a conversation over there about "Tips that make you go "d'oh." Guess what I learned? This is so cool, you guys. And it actually kind of made me go "d'oh!" because it was a little obvious when I thought about it. This is why I love knitting. You think you know it, and then it turns out there is something so basic, like binding off, that you don't know crap about.

So anyway, did you know that you don't have to thread the tail through the last stitch when you bind off? You don't have to make that little knot. You can just BO to the final stitch, thusly.

Then you pull on your final loop, like you are loosening it up in order to thread the tail through it, like a sucker.

BUT YOU DON'T STOP!

You keep pulling. Pull it right the hell out. I know that you are thinking that if you don't tie it off, it will all unravel. But man, trust me, I just tested this out, and it works.

BAM. Finished edge, nice, pretty corner, no wonky, nubby bump where you threaded through your tail.

How cool is that?

I luv you, Ravelry!

Bruce

Oh my god, oh my god, eww, eww, eww

2009-02-06T15:24:00.007-05:00

OH MY GOD THREE GUESSES WHAT THIS FELTED OBJECT IS. One, two, three, I know you didn't get it.

It's a UTERUS. WITH A FETUS IN IT. But it's not, like, anyone's womb, my womb, or your womb, it's not the general womb.

It is Bella's womb, you guys. With the bloodsucking demon fetus in it. That's a tiny bloodsucking demon fetus, lovingly rendered in wool, by a fan.

I love books, and I love crafting, and I love it when crafting and literature come together, especially in a wacky way. But no. No, no, no, this is not right.

While we're on the topic, I read the Twilight series with ravenous interest, I loved it, I couldn't put it down, I'll probably read it again, and me and all my girlfriends did, in fact, go to the midnight showing of the film, where we all squealed along with the 12 year olds when Edward walked on screen.

Spoilers ahead, nerds. Although if you haven't read it yet, where you been?

On the other hand, while I was still reading the books, I spent hours on writerly tirades about how Stephanie Meyer is kind of an awful writer, and hours more on feminist tirades with Cabbage and Brax about how the series is, in many ways, actually horrifyingly sexist and messed up. If I were a mom I'd have to have a very serious conversation with my daughter before I let her read these books, which enthusiastically reinforce unhealthy and actually insane ideas about love and romance. Like, for example, the boy you like when you're 17 is your soul mate for whom you would die, and he is your whole world and it's all so romantic, and you're soul mates just like Romeo and Juliet! (teenage suicide=true love.) Or Cathy and Heathcliff! (more obsessive "love," soul mate/ownership crap. Note to Meyer and other women who buy this crazy line--Bronte was not trying to paint a portrait of true love with Wuthering Heights. Oh my God, no. You people are messed up if you're looking for a Heathcliff-Cathy dynamic in your love life, Holy Monkeys you are SO MESSED UP, get therapy, please.) It all gets even better when he miraculously rescues you from a stranger gang rape in an alley! And when he breaks up with you your life ends and you jump off cliffs and stuff, for fun, but oh good, he came back so everything's fine again, whoopee, let's all be vampires! Because, at 17, you are totally positive that you will love this person not only for the rest of your life, but for the rest of eternity.

However. Meyer is surely doing something right, because despite all that (and more) I am still, totally, a fan. I am genuinely completely confused about why I loved these books so much. I kind of turned into a dumbass teenager while I was reading them, all giggly with the knowledge that Edward could show up at any second. Even though I knew that Jacob was totally a better choice, I was still in love with Edward, imaginary Edward, because if a real Edward showed up in my life I'd be all "co-dependent! red-flags!! RUN AWAY!!!"

Anyway. So that felted womb is pretty crazy, huh?

Bruce

Cascade Rustic...

2009-02-03T11:11:00.003-05:00

...is completely gorgeous. I'm actually softening my hardline stance on linen, purely because of Cascade Rustic. I'm having trouble capturing the beauty in a photo, you'll just have to trust me.

beer, california, cougars, hope, change,

2009-01-31T11:32:00.012-05:00

Here is your RDA for cute! Now you're set for the day.

Last night I got off work at midnight and headed to the bar to drink some beer and watch a band play. KT and I headed to my place at last call (passing through WHITE CASTLE on the way for a sack o' sides), where, champions we, we made it happen til 5:30 AM.

This did not seem so brilliant when my alarm went off. I got up at 10:15 AM and took a half assed shower without getting my hair wet because that would mean having to do this whole style/blowdry routine. I instead opted for a sloppy flat iron to give the illusion of grooming. I got dressed in an outfit comprised by maybe 80% of things I'd worn to the bar the night before, had half a cup of coffee, and left the house. Grubby, hungover, no sleep Bruce. I had to stop by the Science Pirate's place on the way to the shop because he had my shop key (because he is now not only my friend but my employee and I could fire him or dock his pay (haha, pay) if I wanted). So I walk into his house and he comes downstairs and he looks at me and says, "Hi. You look nice."

Now that will make a girl feel good. It's awfully pleasant to be told you look nice by someone you see every day, on a day when you didn't really sleep and you didn't really groom and you are pretty much feeling like a mangy old hooker. Feeling like Pabst is coming out of your pores.

Anyway. So that was a nice start to my day. I look nice! Excellent, so that's done.

I went to TNNA a couple weeks ago, were I met some nice people and talked to them about my book, and was also called a Cougar by a passing young man. Here's me and Karida and Stefanie moments before the incident:

Yes, seconds later a man walked by us and yelled, at us, "RAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Cougars!" Lookit them cougars. Look, don't ask me, I don't know.

San Diego was straight up awesome. When Matt dropped me off at the airport, it was -10 in Columbus. San Diego? 76 degrees. Karida and I checked into the hotel and headed straight for sushi and the bay. Here we are, at this restaurant with wonderful sushi and terrible service. We were absolutely giddy at the warmth. We just kept saying things like "We are outside. We are outside. I can't believe we're outside. I wish I wasn't wearing socks."

These are pretty much the only pictures I have from San Diego that don't involve Karida sitting behind a 28 oz. margarita. I took, like, no pictures at TNNA because my camera was dying and is now dead. Where is my charger? Where? Where? Why?

I arrived back in the deep-freeze of Ohio at 10:30 PM on Sunday January 18. The next morning Matty and Topher and I hopped in the car and headed to DC, where , I don't know If you've heard about this, but they were having this swearing in ceremony thing for the new president. It's actually kind of a big deal. He's the first black president, they say.

We were lucky. We hit no traffic to speak of, and we were able to stay with our friend. (If you are a friend of ours in DC and we didn't call you while we were there, please don't be mad. We were in town for less than 48 hours and we just didn't have time to visit with people. We're doing a real visit in May, we'll hang then.) We pretty much showed up, went to the inaug, and left. My camera, as I say, was dead, but Topher took lots of pictures, which you can look at here. We were about as far from Obama as you could get and still be on the Mall, but man. Just being there, in that city, in that crowd, at that moment...I'm just really glad I was there.

It was a pretty exhausting 5 days, from San Diego to Ohio to DC and back to Ohio again. Totally, totally worth it, though.

So things are going pretty good here, except for the whole deep freeze thing. I'm pretty ready for spring now. February starts tomorrow. Be strong, folks.

Bruce

Remember how hot it was in July?

2009-01-15T12:13:00.015-05:00

This was the scene on my street last night. Look at my sad little face!

Holy crap!

It's, like, -400 degrees outside. Yesterday was a little mini blizzard. When I woke up I was pleasantly surprised by the buckets of snow falling from the sky. Pretty! Fun! But then it kept it up for 12 hours. Cancellations! Accidents! No karaoke tonight, kids. Let's all hole up and play games.

Scattergories!

Other cozy winter activities:

Kitten Naps!

Bakin' savory pies!

Irish hiking scarf!

Baby Alpaca Chunky! It's for dad.

Raglan!

I thought I'd throw together a little raglan cardigan using Cascade Jewel. Jewel is a Manos knock off, and it is really nice. The colors are chewy and full, it is easy to work with, and it knits up beautifully. It also felts real nice, if that's your thing. For my cardi, I didn't really swatch or make a plan or anything. I just sort of assumed I'd get about 4 sts to the inch. I'm only about 5 rows in, so we'll see where we end up. That's what I call "Designing."

Wine!

KT bought this wine because she is allergic to sulfites. She says that most people are allergic to sulfites and that's why they get bad hangovers from red wine. She says that I am probably not allergic to sulfites because red wine is like mother's milk to me, and I have never gotten those monster red-wine-hangovers I've always heard about. See how KT going to culinary school improved all our lives? Now we know about certain kinds of hangovers.

Clean out the pantry!

Snowstorms are the best time to clean out your pantry. Look how happy he is, happy about his clean, clean pantry fulla food! He's a little OCD, though, so don't be disappointed if you clean your pantry out and do not experience this kind of radiant joy. He also gets that look on his face when you show him an Extreme Weiner.

Emerald Isla Yarns!

We're pretty excited cause Esmeralda is dyeing up a batch of this kind of beautiful thing for the shop. It's gorgeous, and I love that she is a super cool lady who lives right here in Clintonville.

That's all for now. Stay warm, my pretties, and stay tuned for stories from San Diego! I'll be at TNNA with Karida, hanging out in North Light's booth, doing promotion stuff for Pints and Purls.
You know, that book we wrote.

Luv,
Bruce

That was a big year.

2009-01-03T12:57:00.004-05:00

Another New Years Eve. NoGoodNick did a better rundown of the evening than I could possibly do, especially since I left my camera at KT's place. (KT! Gimme my camera.)

OK, 2007 was a train wreck, so last year at this time I was blogging about how 2008 had better be excellent, and life had better not throw me any more crap for a minute. My blogs were answered. 2008 really didn't throw me much crap at all. I did scary things. I powered through my last 5 months sitting at a desk, powered through a 425 mile move, and wrote a book, opened a shop, and flipped my life around in just about every way you could imagine. I took big huge risks in my personal life and my professional life. People I love and respect told me I was taking too many risks and walking the wrong path. They were trying to help, but I think the big lesson for this year is Sometimes I Am Right. This year, everything changed, everything changed awesomely. The only constant, as usual, is the people, the same old goofy drunk wonderful people. (The ones who worried for me turned right around, held their noses, and helped me anyway. Really, wonderful people.)

So that's kind of fun. I am incredibly grateful for a year in which my heart didn't get broken, I didn't lose a loved one, I kept everything I loved and then added more. Cynical me is reading over this, and saying, "get ready for disaster." Well, OK. I'll get ready. That's life. For the moment, I'm full of gratitude for getting to be exactly where I want to be, no matter how much work or risk is involved.

I was thinking this morning about how I just clicked SNAP! into my new life. How going to work every day in DC was like tryin' to squeeze into size 5 jeans (!), and here I am now, just snap! right into my work, my friends, my family, my home, my serving job. Snap. Just like that.

What do I want for 2009, though? I'd feel like an asshole asking for anything. The absolute best I could hope for is more of this, more of the same. I want to make things, and I want to keep everything I love.

10 10 10 10 for everything everything everything everything

2008-12-20T12:38:00.007-05:00

1) WINTER. My love of winter is over. It only took a few weeks for the charm to wear off. If winter were a person I'd punch it. O, tropical District of Columbia, with your handsome 40 degree winter days! Oh, my Lord in Heaven, it is cold. Those of you reading from DC will remember me saying that, in Ohio, the sun doesn't come out from November to March. We're in the middle of that now. It's awful.

2) KNITTING. It's good weather for knitting, though. I've started (yet another) Irish Hiking Scarf. Again, in Baby Alpaca Chunky. This one is for my dad. He requested exactly this for his Christmas present, which made my life a lot easier because I never know what to get him. Plus, I can pretty much do Irish Hiking Scarves in my sleep at this point.

3) FROGGING. My My So Called Scarf is getting frogged because I did it on a stupid 10.5 needle. Fact: You need to use an 11. That little millimeter is the difference between awesome and stupid. Goddammit. I was all, MSCS, it's cool! And then Cabbage and Brax started doing them too, on the correct needles, and theirs were SO MUCH PRETTIER than mine that I almost set them on fire. So I'm seriously bitter about the MSCS.

4) WORKING. Brax and I are working really hard lately. I was thinking the other day about last year, that golden, golden period last year, when I absolutely hated my job, but I only had one. Just the one job. Sure, it was a huge struggle to get out of bed in the morning, yeah, but it was just the one job. The whole thing isn't a problem except on Fridays and Saturdays, when we have to juggle both our serving jobs and the shop, and at least one of us will end up working til 2AM. Them's the breaks!

5) DRINKING. We're responding to the stress in the usual way: going out. Alcohol has been involved. For one thing, my ol' man has been out of town on business (Hah!). I think it's pretty funny that whenever he goes out of town I act like I'm 19, considering the fact that he does not constrain my actions in any way when he is around. He's kind of rad that way and, given my priorities, I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't. Still, whenever he goes out of town I kick it, hard. The other thing is, people are starting to drift into town for the holidays. Party time! The third thing is, there is karaoke every night of the week in this crazy town. I'm running out of songs to sing, and am open to suggestions. In case you're wondering what my nights look like, here's me and Brax and Cabbage rocking "Goodbye Earl."

6) COLD AND FLU SEASON. The past week has been pretty fun, but the result of all that fun is that I'm freaking sick. Some kind of cold or flu or somethin'. If this post is incredibly disjointed and stupid sounding, it is because my brain is NOT WORKING. I feel all cracked out. There is no such thing as enough sleep. The Science Pirate was just here and gave me some cough drop things that made me feel a lot better, but I am, regardless, dying to get back in bed.

7) KITTEN. It doesn't help that this is waiting for me in bed:

Mr. Rochester is a little devil. He'll suck you right into his web of snuggling. He'll also attack your face while you're asleep. He's getting along with the other cats. Cat harmony has been pretty much restored. Lucy even gives him a bath sometimes.

8) I BLOGGED ABOUT A BLOG. Hey, good news for you nine-to-fivers who are tryin' to kill time 'til happy hour: we have a new blog friend. Our nice cowboy band friends, the Rodeo, have a blog now. Only two posts, and the author (Mason. Remember Mason?) already fell and hurt himself. Here at Wine Lips, we call that good blogging.

9) EXHAUSTION. I think I have exhausted my supply of nonsense to blog about. Happy holidays, guys! Stay warm, eat pie!

Luv,
Bruce

Mr. Rochester!

2008-12-06T13:25:00.006-05:00

First snow! Well, the first real snow. Here is how I know I'm really, for really real, back in the midwest.

I love it. I know I'll hate it by February, but shoot, I hate everything in February, so PFFFFFT. The bad thing is, it's hurting business 'cause the traffic is bad and no one wants to go out in it if they don't have to. They're all staying home wearing sweaters and drinking tea. Obviously they should be here buying yarn from me, right? Speaking of which, for those of you who are curious, the big opening went really well, and so far so good with the shop! Still, tell your friends, ok?

Here's the really big news for the day:

This morning I asked Matt, who was out "running errands," to bring me a coffee at the shop on his way home. So he comes inside, hands me the coffee, and says, "AND...I have an early Christmas present for you."

I said, "Early Christmas present?! Why, cause it's snowing?!"

Then he goes outside, and comes back in with........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is my early Christmas present and he is six weeks old and I named him Mr. Rochester, Chester for short. Tiny baby Chester! He is totally chill about not knowing what the hell is going on. Poor kid had been a lost stray momless baby, and then was living with a good Samaritan for a while, and the good Samaritan give him to Matt, and Matt took him to the vet, and the vet poked him and shined lights on him and stuck him with needles, and then Matt tied a ribbon on him and gave him to me, and I pawed at him and cuddled him and wouldn't put him down. So he has had a rough life so far. But he is sort of like "Whatever" about it. He's not asking for any special treatment. He's too cool for all y'all's nonsense. Mr. Rochester is a total badass despite weighing less than a hank of Cascade 220 and having a nerdy English literature name.

Sister and Lucy haven't met him yet. They are quarantined in the basement while he gets acclimated. Matt gave them tuna in an effort to make them associate Chester with delicious tuna.

Oh, hey, City of Columbus, I'd like to tell you that I've been sitting in my shop looking out my giant front windows at the street all day and you are doing a TERRIBLE JOB of keeping the roads clear. You're gettin' my goat here.

People keep sliding around and getting stuck, and I haven't seen a single snow plow. This is getting ridiculous! I mean jeeze, this is High Street. It's the first road you should plow. What the hell?

Hey, wear a scarf, guys, it's cold out there!

Bruce

Whew!

2008-11-28T12:31:00.009-05:00

Everyone,

Well, man oh man, it's been a lot of work to get here, but here we are!

The shop is opening Monday, Dec 1. Brax and I are really, really excited about it! Here is what it looks like right now:

Yes, we've still got a lot of work to do. But trust me, tagging yarn and putting it on shelves is like a trip to the Fireworks, Candy, and Puppydog Store after months of dealing with the bank, painting, installing flooring, figuring out tax procedures, and getting UPS to actually give us our packages.

Here is the deal with the shop, except with even more information this time:

WonderKnit!
3165 N. High St
Columbus, OH
43202

Opening day is Monday, December 1! Hours: 11AM-7PM every day except Tuesday. We're closed Tuesday.

Mr. Cabbage is being Mr. Rad and putting together our website for us, but it's not done yet. It's www.wonderknit.com .

Please Be Our Friend!
You can be our friend on MySpace (www.myspace.com/wonderknit)!
And you can be our friend on Ravelry (http://www.ravelry.com/people/WonderKnitter)!

There's even a Ravelry group waiting for anyone who wants to be a WonderKnitter.

The Credits
We had a Women's Studies professor in college that used to always talk about the "myth of independence," meaning that people in America always think they can do things on their own, when in reality no one does anything on their own. Here are the credits:

Grandma for the collateral
Mom for everything
Dad for the handymen
Ali for the truck
Topher, Juan, Josh, Matt, and Ali for the free labor
Brandon for the computer and the website
Erin for the designs
Cabbage for the enthusiasm and promotion
Karida for custom yarn and teaching me to self promote
Goodies and families for believing we could do it

Wine Lips
I will keep posting on this blog because I love this blog, but we can try and keep the shop stuff separate, ok? Like, maybe if something really cool is going on at the shop, I'll link to it or something, but this is not going to be the WonderKnit blog. I blog because I like to write, and I want this blog to keep being a place where I can come write.

Brax and I started this blog when we were both in the middle of our own crappy journeys. The last two years, we have blogged and blogged about how we wished we were living in the same city, close to our families and old friends, and doing something creative and fulfilling with our time. Now things have come full circle, and we're both back where we started. It's all very "What-I-was-looking-for-was-in-my-own-backyard" etc, like in Wizard of Oz. It is cheezy, but it is part of what we learned. And of course, now that we're here there is a whole set of new challenges for us. But I have to say, challenges are easier to face from out these new windows.

I guess now that we're in this new place, this new old place, the blog has to change. We don't need to correspond, cause we see each other every day. We don't need to bitch about our jobs, because we made our own jobs, and they are what we make them. (We might bitch about our on-the-side serving jobs occasionally, I guess. But other than the occasional jerky customer, serving is a good gig.) We are busier and more engaged with our lives, so we will probably post less. I don't know! We will take it one day at a time, and see where we end up.

The point is, WonderKnit stuff will be taken care of elsewhere, Wine Lips will keep being a place where we come and complain and talk about yarn and recover from our hangovers, and we hope you'll keep thinking we're funny.

See you Monday!

Love,
Bruce

Jeans. Again. Sigh.

2008-11-24T21:16:00.008-05:00

Hey Brax,
Right now I think you're gettin' ready to head to Monday night karaoke. Not me, not tonight. I need to rest and stuff. Also I really can't afford to have one of those dirty Pabst Blue Ribbon hangovers tomorrow, since we need to bustass on the shop.

My mom told my Aunt Jean about our blog and she read it (hi, Aunt Jean!), and then she e mailed me to tell me not to flush Puff's down the toilet because it will mess up the plumbing. I know, man, I was desperate! Anyway, Aunt Jean, as soon as I posted that blog about the kleenex, Brax came over and dropped off a roll each of paper towels and TP, so I'm good.

Tonight I went shopping for jeans. The whole thing pretty much got my goat.

I hate shopping. Nothing makes you feel worse about yourself than shopping. First I tried on about 700 pairs of jeans in the Junior's department. See, I was told I should check Juniors, because they have odd numbered sizes, and I've been having a lot of trouble with the even numbers. I used to be an 8. Then I was a 10. 8. 10. 8. 10. NEITHER!!!!! Now I'm kind of a 9. I do not understand these fluctuations. My lifestyle is pretty steady. My theory is that my weight is affected by stress.

I don't even have a scale, you guys. My target weight is NOT BUYING JEANS.

So anyway, I was shopping for jeans and I was in Juniors, and whenever I'm in that department I'm A) afraid of knocking over a skinny teenager with my ass and B) sort of afraid the popular girls will make fun of me. So I tried on all these pants and found two that were ok, but man, they sure are making jeans ride low. Is this what the young girls are wearing?

So I headed over to the women's department and found these jeans that fit me perfectly except they were mom jeans. They came up to my neck and ballooned out around my thighs. I kind of wanted to shoot those jeans with a gun. If only I'd had a gun in my handbag.

In the end I bought two pairs of jeans, from the Junior's department, one a size 9 and one a size 11 (Why? How? Hate pants.) but I'm not really in love with them and I may take them back.

After the jeans I headed to the bra department and I do not even want to talk to you about it.

nataliedee.com

All I know is that I meandered around the bra department for a really long time trying to find the Playtex Thank Goodness It Fits Bra, which has half sizes. Everywhere I looked, all I could see were all these signs that said "full figured." I know that it is hard for girls with big 'uns. I want y'all to be able to find nice bras. I like that there are lots of "full figured" bras, clearly labeled. I just want equal treatment! I want to see the giant sign that says TITLESS. Then I could just waltz in and grab my little half-sizer and get the hell out.

Here's the problem, though, when you finally find the Titless bras, they're all padded to oblivion. Padded to full figured. Que? I just want a holster for my girls, you guys. I don't want a whole microfiber fake girls setup.

It was just really stressful. And the moral of the story is, I hate shopping when I need something. Shopping is only fun when you are bored and have some extra money and decide to pop in to see what's on sale. Shopping for something is pretty much the worst.

Ok, I am going to go watch Charlie Brown Christmas now.

Luv,
Bruce

crappy crap

2008-11-13T15:18:00.002-05:00

Things that are hard today include:

Being out of toilet paper and paper towels, reappropriating Kleenex for these purposes.
Being out of vegetables.
The light keeps changing in my office as the sun travels across the sky and this makes it difficult to take photographs of knitted things.
Turns out my washer doesn't do "hot" loads. I don't know why I imagined it would.
I made a really involved budget spreadsheet for the shop and then Excel crashed and lost it.
I seem to be really tired.
I overslept.
Accomplishing things is hard!
Ummm.....I have a bunch of crap to do. That's the main thing. It is stressing me out.
I should probably stop listing all the things that are bugging me and instead actually do some stuff...you know, finish things.
My bathroom cabinet is really messy and there is all kinds of crap just crammed in there. Any time I take something out, it causes a chain reaction resulting in stuff falling out of the cabinet. This happened earlier today. I got out my hair dryer and it caused an eyeshadow to fall out and break and now there is fine, sparkley orange powder all over the floor, which paper towels would be just ideal for.
Sister really wants to sit on my laptop, and I feel like I am rejecting her love because I keep putting her on the floor.

OK. OK. Stopping. Working. Right.
-Bruce

"TAILS" from serving, ha ha ha!

2008-11-12T14:25:00.006-05:00

Duuuudes!

Sorry about the blogging hiatus. I have no excuse.

So, I've been up to all sorts of stuff. As you know, Bruce and I are opening a store! We are SO excited about it, and are looking forward to having our own grown up business to run ourselves! (by "run" I mean "sit around in and knit all day," of course)

In the meantime, I've been waiting tables for money. I sort of hate my job, because no one comes into my restaurant. I usually end up wasting about 25% of my tips on the parking meter, if you know what I mean. But that doesn't mean it hasn't provided plenty of entertainment and good stories!

The other night, I was closing the restaurant, which meant I showed up and immediately cut the other server because it was so slow. Gradually, I accumulated 3 tables over the next hour and a half, one of which was starting to get a little drunk off of those alcoholic coffee drinks we serve. Anyway, I was bringing out an irish coffee to one of them, and the words "can I get you anything else right now?" had barely left my lips when I saw something fall from the drop ceiling, barely miss hitting a girl on the face, and land on the floor.
The girl looked down and gasped, "oh my god! oh my god!" Still standing at the table, I couldn't even begin to imagine what had happened, until I saw a MOUSE scurry away from the table, round a corner, and disappear into the dining room.
For real. A BABY MOUSE almost landed on my table. I immediately apologized, and rushed off to inform the manager, a bartender who had been promoted to "bartender/manager" about 3 weeks ago. He likes to listen to Radiohead on his IPOD while he's working, thus making an already-depressing job that much more unbearable. When I told him about the mouse I had witnessed taking a dive into the dining room, he stammered and kept asking me if I was "sure." I gave up trying to get him to actually "manage" the situation, and went over to my table again to apologize profusely on behalf of the restaurant, promising that I would do anything within my power to resolve the situation.
Thankfully, my table was super cool about it all. Even though everyone else in the restaurant asked for their check about 30 seconds after the word "mouse" was first uttered, they stayed, eventually CATCHING the mouse and humanely setting it free outside. This valient effort earned them a free bucket of beer on top of their already-comped check, and they left me a really nice tip.

In conclusion, I would like to add that while the GM of the restaurant showed up, she did very little to help the situation, save from comping my table's bill. When I told her about the mouse, she ran around the dining room looking for it, crowing about how it must be "sad" and "miss its family," and loudly providing our guests with the insight that "we share the earth with all its animals, after all." When she caught me rolling my eyes at her gauche behavior, she said, "ha ha, Karen is so scared of the little mouse!" No, she and I just have wildly differing views on sanitation . I told her she was lucky the health inspector wasn't there, hoping that she would grasp the severity of the situation (or at least the need to bring in an exterminator), but she ignored me.

I hate having more managerial experience and skill than my boss.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the long lapse, and I hope to share many more Serving Horror Stories with you all soon!
Love,
Brax

List of Excellence

2008-11-11T21:19:00.011-05:00

Hey dudes! Here's some stuff!

1) Our friend Katie graduated! I'm SO proud of her. She's amazing. She just figured out what she wanted and went for it and did it. That is so great, and I know she's going to be a big giant success. A Chef Success. Chefcess.

Here is the picture I took of her actually accepting her diploma.

She's the short one...see, I was so busy jumping up and down that I put my camera on manual focus. I'm pretty much awesome.

Here she is at her graduation party, with an apple and her cute mom. If you think I'm proud, you should see this lady. These parents were about to burst. Chef KT! You win!

2) The morning after KT's graduation party I woke up with a bunch of bruises on my legs and I have no clue how I got them. I probably got them in some really awesome way. Also I remember walking, in a tizzy, up to a friend of mine, holding my handbag up by a broken strap and exclaiming "My handbag broke!! What! What a crappy handbag!!! Can you believe that!" And he took it from me and handed it back fixed saying, "It wasn't broken, Libby. It snaps on and off." Well la di dah. Obviously I am ready to be a big mature business owner.

3) Lucy watches television when there is an animal on the teevee. Only animals. Even when the sound is off! How does she know? What do they look like to her? How? What?

4) The shop is coming along all fastlike. Brax and I are working really hard on it and we should have it open real soon. We'll tell you a date as soon as we know for sure. Sorry about the lack of precision on this--we just want to be able to open the doors the very minute we're ready.

5) Amazing potato cheddar soup!

a buncha potatoes
1 carrot
1 stalk celery
water
SALT
1 stick of butter
a couple cups grated cheddar

This recipe goes like most of my soup recipes. Katie is probably going to read this and be like, "Bruce, you're doing it wrong," since she is a big chef now and all. But this is how I do it, and I think it's delicious!

Put all the chopped up veg in the soup pot and put in just enough water to cover it. Add salt to taste. For me this is a bunch of salt. Let it boil for maybe 30 minutes. Then take out a few cups of the soup and put it in the blender and puree it. Put it back in the pot. OK. Then make a roux. (A roux is when you take some of the hot broth and put it in a bowl with a couple tablespoons of flour and make a smooth paste out of it.) Put the roux in the broth. Stir it on in! Stir in the butter. Then add in the cheese, a little at a time. Sprinkle, stir, sprinkle, stir, until it's all incorporated. Delicious! Really, really healthy low fat food. Perfect for vegans.

That's all for now!
Bruce

WonderKnit!!!!

2008-11-07T10:50:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm going to go ahead and make the big announcement:

Brax and I are opening a yarn shop. YEAH!

What you need to know:

It's called WonderKnit
It's located at 3165 N. High street in Columbus.
Our hours will be 11 AM to 7 PM Wednesday-Monday. Closed Tuesday.
Theoretical Opening Day: Late November, 2008!

We had hoped to open up in September or October at the latest, but then the banks crashed and the world ended and we couldn't get a loan. After months of speculation and doubt and frustration, it's finally happening, and we'll be opening in the next 2 weeks. Wow.

We've got it painted up all pretty in there, and put down flooring, and everything is shiny and pretty, and the yarn is rolling in. We want it to be the friendliest, coolest yarn store, where everyone feels welcome to hang out and knit. Once things are more settled down we'll probably do some sort of rad opening party, with special guest Karida.

Everyone get excited, everyone come buy some yarn and help a blogger out.

We couldn't have done any of this without my mom, my dad, and especially my loan-cosignin' grandma, so I am feeling pretty lucky at this moment.

So that is the Big News, the Big Secret Project we alluded to a couple of times. Exact opening day will be confirmed here and elsewhere. Hope we'll see you in the shop soon!
Bruce

O-H-

2008-11-03T09:07:00.004-05:00

We are so Important here! This is the only time ever that we get to feel important. This state is nuts.

Here is my favorite part of this article:

Diane McDonald, an occupational therapist, is voting for McCain even though she thinks Obama is "articulate, intelligent, unwavering."

"So why don't you vote for him?" Hawkins said.

"Because it doesn't mean I believe in his politics," McDonald said. "A lot of women have gotten in trouble because of men like that."

Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male
Across the north and south, to Key Largo, love for sale

Face to face, each classic case
We shadow box and double cross
Yet need the chase

A license to love, insurance to hold
Melts all your memories and change into gold
His eyes are like angels but his heart is cold

No need to ask
He's a smooth operator

Don't trust a smooooth operator, ladies! He'll take your Flower and skip town, and America will be left wandering around like Delta Dawn in her bedroom slippers with a faded rose pinned to her dress, waiting, always waiting, for that Smooth Dark Stranger to return.

In Franklin County the Obama people are out in much greater force than the McCain people. Franklin county is one of the only counties Kerry won. WE TOLD YOU SO, OHIO.

In Butler County, where my parents live, the McCain people and the local GOP are hammering pretty hard. The other day when we were there there were two different anti Obama robocalls in a row. It seems like a waste of money to me, since Butler County is where all the crazy maniacs live--McCain is going to win Butler no matter what. I guess they're trying to energize their voters--not about McCain, but against Obama. Even so, there is much greater support for Obama than I've ever seen for a democrat in Butler County. The man knows how to reach people, I tell ya what.

This reminds me of a story: in 2004 the Butler County GOP people sent out such a constant stream of big glossy swiftboat crap that my enraged father taped a big note to the mailbox that said, "Dear Mail Carrier, please do not deliver ANY ITEMS from GEORGE BUSH or the REPUBLICAN PARTY to this address. Thank you."

The mail lady wrote a note back that said she had to deliver whatever was addressed to him and fitted with appropriate postage. Poor Steve.

Man, all this talk about Butler County has me craving a Richard's Pizza! Mmmmmmmmmmm, Richard's Pizza.......

Go vote, everyone!
Bruce

Exoskeleton

2008-11-01T02:09:00.006-04:00

I'm sitting here at 2 AM with a glass of wine listening to the Dixie Chicks on repeat. It doesn't sound like a recipe for awesome, does it? Well, shit, I don't wanna talk about it, let's talk about something else.

1) Tinker, tinker. I've been tinkering around with this Manos I mentioned in my previous post. My So Called Scarf? I know I said I was anti. I lied, it's a really nice pattern.

2) On Thursday afternoon Brax and I arrived at my house, still smacking our wine lips from an evening at my parents' house. (We practiced some new songs with my mom, for our Andrews Sisters band. Those of you who find yourselves on the Thanksgiving drunk dial list get ready, we've got some excellent selections for you this year. Remember, let voice mail get it.) Also, woods-walking, naturally:

Anyway, we arrived at my house, and in the door was a big fat envelope, and in the envelope was:

The proof! The proof, the proof! The book proof, which Karida and I must look over very closely, and make any changes we want, because this is the last call for changes on the drunk knitting book. It has pictures in it and everything. There is even a picture of me and Karida in it, and we don't look stupid either. They put make up on us and stuff, so we look pretty stylish. Karida called me up and we dorked out over it for a while.

3) No Good Nick recently posted about the Book It! program from the 80's. Do you all remember this? You got pizza for reading books. PFFFFFFFFFFFT. I WOULD BE SO FREAKING FAT IF THIS WERE STILL TRUE.

My house, like Nick's, was always full of books, and my mom let me read whatever I wanted. The only book I remember my mom telling me not to read was Little Birds by Anias Nin, which I, of course, read the very second she left the room. I definitely read things that were over my head (I read the Catcher in the Rye when I was 11, and Possessing the Secret of Joy when I was 13. These were over my head.). It didn't do me any harm, and I'm a firm believer of letting kids read whatever they want.

I still read like a madwoman. When I went to Monticello last year I was all twitchy because I wanted to read Thomas Jefferson's books, which were, of course, behind glass. The tour guide was like, "Well, here's his books! That guy sure liked to read. Now if you'll all follow me into the bedroom..." So I didn't really even get to look at them very much. Dang, I like books.

This is why I can't get behind Kindle.

Things Kindle can't do
-have a book smell
-have old notations written in it
-sit on a shelf and tell you about the person who owns it
-be a time capsule (I stick things in books and joyfully rediscover them years later)
-have "Fannie Roberts on her Birthday, from Aunt Bev, March 12, 1946." written on the inside cover.
-get dog-eared and well loved.

Nick made a list of books he's read in the last 3 months, and I don't have that kind of time, but I figure I'll follow his lead. Here's a smattering of stuff I've read recently.

Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte Yeah, yeah. I'll never get sick of it. Over and over and over and over, I will read Wuthering Heights. I'll read it a million times and never totally get it, and I'll notice something new every time. I love this book.

The City of Dreaming Books Walter Moess This book was pretty freaking weird. The imagery was pretty brilliant, though, and I appreciate the creativity of a fellow bibliophile. The illustrations are completely charming.

The Mists of Avalon Marion Zimmer Bradley is vast and beautiful and cobwebby. Reminds one of one's feminist roots. Reminds one to deconstruct the framework of mythology, love, power, religion.

The Twilight Saga (Stephanie Meyer) Questionable in so many (many. many.) ways, and yet I read the entire series in 2 weeks. Reminds one that sometimes a story is a story and maybe you should stop thinking about it so much and just focus on wanting to bone the vampire.

Metamorphosis (Franz Kafka) Maybe Kafka is over my head? Exoskeleton.

The Portable Dorothy Parker I cannot stop with this book. I carry it around with me like I'm 16 and it's my goth girl journal. I love Dorothy Parker so much. If I could go back in time, I'd go straight to the Algonquin Round Table for a highball wearing a low-waisted dress and a fox fur scarf. Dottie and I would get drunk and be snarky to everyone and then we'd go out and act bad in high society. I'd explain that she should stop trying to kill herself because I'm from the future and know that she'll never actually manage it. It would be rad!

That was fun! Maybe I'll blog about books more.

Later,
Bruce

cowboys and whiskey and scarves

2008-10-28T15:58:00.006-04:00

I'm going to go ahead and end my blogging hiatus. It didn't last long. I like blogging. I don't know when Brax will be back, so you will all just have to be content with me for now. I'm feeling kind of like a douche because a lot has been happening around here and I have no photos of any of it. We'll start with this weekend, when the Rodeo came to town.

On Wednesday evening, I got a call from my friend Mason (remember Mason?), who is on tour with his band. Mason is one of my favorites and I never see him because he lives roughly 3000 miles away from the Heart of it All. So he says to me, he says, "we don't have a show for Saturday night, how 'bout we book something in Columbus on the fly?" And I said, "You're crazy, let's make some calls!"

And so we made it happen, and I ended up housing a van load of Stetson hats.

Can we talk for a minute about these cowboys? They rolled into town, spent a wild night, and were gone before dawn the next morning, like a bunch of black hat desperadoes. Like thieves in the night. Incredibly polite thieves in the night. I mean it...you wouldn't believe the multitude of hat tips and thank yous I got from these boys. It was as if they thought going to a great show, drinking beer, hosting the party, and being surrounded by a herd of cool men was really a pain for me and not, in fact, my ideal night. That's kind of a list of my favorite things. I just wanted to pinch all their cheeks.

Anyway, if you haven't listened to them you should check them out (you can do this both on myspace and on itunes), and if they're hitting your city at all on their tour you really oughta go. Brent Amaker and the Rodeo is now part of the mandate for drunk knitters, like Pabst and Baby Alpaca Chunky and a relaxed attitude towards dropped stitches.

So after our hangovers cleared, which took a long time, Brax and I decided we'd go ahead and hit karaoke Monday, where darling Karaoke Pat and the crowd of regulars are so remarkably supportive of my new penchant for Whitney Houston ballads. And so I am hungover again today.

Knitting news:

Rainy Day Scarf. The pattern is free on Ravelry. It's good. It's easy, but if you want to knit it drunk you ABSOLUTELY need a row counter. Trust me. I learned this the hard way.

I also got some black Manos.

This is also going to become a scarf. I'm on a handspun scarf kick. Nobody is more shocked than I am about this.

OK, there is more to tell, but I have to leave for work in six minutes and yes, I'm sitting here in my underwear, so more later.

Luv,
Bruce

BRB

2008-10-22T15:43:00.002-04:00

Hey, we'll be back in a minute. We're busy and can't blog very much right now. Give us a week or two. Thanks for staying with us!

fall is knittin' season

2008-10-09T11:25:00.011-04:00

Brax,
So I'm about to knit something out of this Llamajama that I got at MDSW. What will I do?!! This morning when I woke up I thought, hey, I think I've got like 900 yards of that stuff! That was a huge hank! It was at least 800 yards, I'll make a shrug, I will. But then I got out the yarn and found that it was only 274 yards. Chuh. Then I realized that it really made no sense at all for it to be NINE HUNDRED YARDS and I'm completely insane.

It looks like that. I've got limited experience with hand dyes and variegates because, generally speaking, they're not my style. I like solids. I'm not a fussy person, I'm a clean-lines person. I've always appreciated the beauty of multicolored yarns, though, and now I'm thinking I might like to wear some. So anyway, I don't know what to make. What would you make with 274 yards of hand dyed worsted wool? Do not say My-so-called-scarf because I don't wanna. It's too obvious, you see. (I'm dying to make a crazy-ass tam with a GIANT pom-pom on top, but I don't think I want it to be pink. I think this tam I have in my head will be quite crazy enough in neutral colors.) Anyway, you guys think it over and let me know what you think I should make.

On another note, I've officially gone batshit nuts for fall! FALL! Here's my chrysanthemums. Thriving! They need to be put in the ground. They are too big for these pots.

I went sort of nuts at the farmers market, as usual, and got a boatload of gourds and tiny pumpkins and stuff. They're all over the house. I went nuts with squash, also as usual. I've got three butternuts, and one of those funny blue ones, and I already cooked an acorn and a carnival. Tuesday night I made pumpkin bread! Delicious.

Here are some pictures from our trip to the pumpkin patch. It was pretty great. For one thing, we drove 30 minutes east and were suddenly smack in the middle of McCain country.

Woah....time for us insular urban liberals to freak out! We are used to being the undisputed majority in our neck of the woods. It's good for us to be reminded that everybody doesn't agree with us.

Anyway, we picked some pumpkins.

and we carved them!

Yes, you do see a meticulously carved Obama logo pumpkin. My husband is pretty funny.

-Bruce

Good Morrow!

2008-09-30T17:51:00.018-04:00

Everybody,

Brax and I went to the Ohio Renaissance Festival! I don't need to hear about how the renaissance festival is nerdy or whatever. It's fun! IT'S FUN! We totally loved it. For one thing, people being total dorks and dressing up in costumes and living out a big fantasy every weekend is awesome to me. It's the kind of thing I like. I read novels for an average of two hours a day--it's the same thing except I don't have to do any work or talk to other people or put on an outfit, so these ren fest people are go-getters comparatively.

For another thing, The costumes are awesome! Most of them are handmade. There are craftspeople all over the place at the ren fest. Weavers, knitters, tailors, sculptors, embroiderers, painters, silversmiths, people who make essential oils and incense, people who blow glass and cut crystal and practice old-fashioned black smithing, people who handmake furniture and carve stone and make stained glass art, people who make dulcimers from scratch. We loved it!

Here is the weaver's loom.

There was a lady selling knitted stuff and quilts. And fleece blankets, which was weird.
The same lady made this crazy ass thing:

I can't decide if I love it or fear it, but I do know that it is definitely funny.

Brax and I went through the labyrinth.

It didn't take us very long because we are so smart.

Here is the glass blower in his glass blowing studio:

He was being very nice about answering questions about his craft.

Here's the queen:

Here's this horse all dolled up for the joust:

Here's our classic 1500's lunch:

Here are these humorous gravestones:

Wives talk too much!!!

Teenage boys jerk off too much!!!

Anyway, we went to the Renaissance Festival and we had fun, the end!
Bruce

more soup

2008-09-30T13:27:00.003-04:00

Brax,

The best use for a Crock Pot is this:

Before you go out and tear up the town and embarrass yourself with Demon Rum, put soup in the crock pot..

Either you'll come home at 3 AM wasted and be like, SOUP!!!!! Or you'll wake up the next day at noon all hungover and wanting to die, and if you are like me, your first thought will be "Hungry. Don't want to cook. No money, also don't want to get dressed and go anywhere. How food?" Then you'll stumble downstairs and be like, SOUUUUP!!!! Either way, it is genius.

The soup I am eating today is is squash and sweet potatoe. (Yes, potatoe. Bringin' back Dan Quayle!)

Bruce and Dan's Squash and Sweet Potatoe Soup

1 Winter Squash...Butternut, or Acorn, or whatever.
2 Sweet potatoes
1 white onion
1 Carrot
2 stalks celery (smellery)
half a stick of butter
Salt, pepper, nutmeg
water

Chop it all up and put it all in the slow cooker. Cook on low for 7 hours. I like to take half of it out after it's cooked and put it in the magic bullet, so it's partially pureed but still has some chunks. Related: I really want an immersion blender.

OK so I ate soup and I've been writing this post for something like 4 hours because I'm easily distracted and stupidly hungover.

Stopping!
Bruce

Oh man

2008-09-27T13:37:00.005-04:00

Fresh autumn apples and bittersweet, speeding through the White Castle drive through.

Brax,

Oh. Man. So after you left my house last night (BTW, my favorite part of last night was when Tome came in from the kitchen with his wine in a little teacup and said "I'd like everyone to note that I'm drinking my wine from a mug." And you said, "TOME! Did you take that off a HOOK? Those are decorative, Tome.")...anyway, after you left my house at the ass crack of no time, I went to sleep. Four hours later, I was awakened by sounds...like, the sound of someone messing with the gate outside. After about 15 minutes I was like, man, they're really messin' around with the gate. Are they removing it? What the hell? And then I realized that it wasn't the gate, it was 4 ladders being run up the side of my neighbor's house. There are men fixing the gutters which were damaged when the tree fell on the house. At 9 AM. On Saturday. Oh my God. So then I was like, well, maybe I can still sleep. WRONG! So loud. Plus I kept thinking that they could somehow see in my window and see me laying in bed with the cats all hungover in my underwear.

What really made me get up, though, was that I realized that I had, in my Jameson Amazingness last night, left my car in the short north in a metered spot, and they had started checking meters over an hour ago. So I was like fuuuuuuuck. I thought I'd just ride my bike up there and throw it in the back of the car and drive home. Then I remembered that Matt's bike was already in the car. Two bikes don't fit, buddy. OK. So I thought, I'll just ride my bike up there, take Matt's bike out of the car and lock it up, put my bike in the car, and drive home and get Matt's bike later, since he's out of town and won't need it for a couple days, but I will need to ride mine, also my bike is too pretty to be abandoned in the short north all alone. Oh my god, was that a sentence? Maybe I'm still drunk.

So that's what I did. I rode on up there. And OH MY GOD IT IS GAME DAY. Why were there so many OSU football people on the bike trail? Why? Walking. Walking in their red sweatshirts. Ambling across the path carrying plastic cups. I would pass them and, in an effort to not hit their drunk-at-10AM asses, I'd ding my little bell. (I love my little bell. Ding! Ding! Bruce comin' through! Ding!) They just acted confused though. Where is that bell coming from? Hey, ring it some more! Haha, why is that girl ringing a bell? I think they didn't know that it was a bike trail they were on. Anyway, then it got worse because I actually had to ride past the freaking 'Shoe. But whatever, I made it. I made it to my car, and it was still there but it had a little ticket on it. Oh well. Then I went to the Super Food Mart and got a Cherry Coke, an orange soda, and some orange juice.

Lucy hates the workmen. She wants them to stop.

I am really confused right now. I'm going back to bed!

Bruce

Yarrrrrrghhhhh!!!

2008-09-25T10:39:00.006-04:00

Bruce!

Seriously, what is the deal with all the bad luck going around? It really Gets My Goat!

Okay everyone. Here is a (probably incomplete) list of the crazy stupid stuff that has been happening.

Our dear friend Cabbage wrecked her scooter and broke her wrist. Terrible fate for a knitter!!

Hurricane Ike hit Columbus, OH, followed by a week without power.

On Saturday, Libby's cat Sister had a seizure and had to be rushed to the e-vet's.

While monitoring Sister to make sure she doesn't have another seizure, Libby smacked her head, resulting in a concussion.

I woke up Monday morning somehow having pulled my back/neck in my sleep and couldn't turn my head.

The same day, I left the apartment and returned to find that my door was hanging open, so my cats had gotten out. Oscar was just hanging out in the hallway, but Fred took about a half hour to find. I wandered around the neighborhood for a half hour tearfully calling his name before I thought to check the basement.

The next day, I realized that in my haste to find the cat, I had somehow lost my purse. My purse contained my wallet and my beloved half-finished cable scarf on my beloved 26" addi turbo 7.

That same weekend, our friend Tome went to Cleveland. Upon checking into a hotel, he realized he had left his wallet in Columbus. His mother overnighted it to him, and he proceeded to lose it at a bar the next evening.

Apparently, our friend group has a poltergeist that is stealing our wallets, fucking with our cats, smacking our heads, and so forth. Fortunately, most of the above problems turned out to be mere annoyances. Having no lights for a week sucked, but it really broke Bruce and I of our embarrassing daytime TV habit and got us reading and biking more. All the cats have been fine since their harrowing ordeals, and I think Fred's disappearence made me WAY less stressed out about losing my wallet. Now if only I could find my birth certificate so I can replace my license.....

In conclusion, I think we all need to just laugh about our terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad week. And maybe move our trash cans out of our luck corners.

Love,
Brax

MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE

2008-09-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

My weekend

2008-09-21T19:59:00.012-04:00

hahahahahahaha!

Brax,

I had an eventful weekend.

We went to the vet.

Sister had a seizure, but she seems fine now.

It was scary. I was petrified. The vet is running tests. But I'm getting the impression that some cats just have seizures. Anyway, I'll let you all know when the tests come back.

So when we got back from the vet, I was sitting at the foot of the stairs and I stood up really fast and slammed my head into the end of the banister and WOOOAH BAM I saw stars and I fell over and blacked out for a sec. Then I sort of automatically got up and kept moving and went to work. After I'd been at work for about 2 hours I realized that I was sleepy, headachy, nauseous, woozy, and I didn't understand why jokes were funny. I was like, huh, maybe I have a concussion.

So I have a minor concussion, is what I'm saying. Now, I've waited tables drunk. I've waited tables angry, tired, and sad. I've waited tables when I was so burnt out on waitressing that I thought I couldn't possibly serve another stupid table or I'd scream. I've waited tables so hungover that if you were wondering why it took so long to get your refills, it's cause I had to go barf real fast.

Waiting tables with a minor concussion beats 'em all. Don't do it, you guys. If you have a concussion, go home sick.

I took Tylenol and got lots of rest. I woke up every 2 hours to make sure I was still lucid. I was. As lucid as usual, anyway. I still feel funny--my head hurts and I'm tired. I was well enough to go to the market and the park this morning, though. (although I spent the rest of the day on the couch.) There was a sidewalk chalk art fair last weekend and a lot of the pictures are still there.

We bought veggies.

and sat in the park, near the good doctor Lincoln Goodale.

Dr. Goodale gave free medical treatment to the poor and left a bunch of his land to the city to be made into an excellent urban park. If it weren't for him we wouldn't have the park, and without the park I wouldn't have anywhere to take a nice walk before work and pet dogs, and where would we have Comfest? Dr. Goodale was rad and I'd drink to him if I had a drink, which I don't, because I am pretty sure I shouldn't drink with the concussion.

The only other thing I have to say is this: remember when I said I hated the following things:

1. Lion Brand Yarn
2. Wooden needles
3. Straight needles

Remember that? Well, Dumbledore tells Harry in book 2 that even the wisest of us must sometimes eat our words.

It's a throw. Out of Lion Brand Thick and Quick. On bamboo straight needles (US 13). I don't know, it is all just totally practical, and the yarn is about as nice as 80% acrylic can possibly be, and it is fast, cheap, warm, and machine washable. Also I only have a US 13 addi in a 16 incher, which is obviously not long enough. I had these fatso bamboo ones though, which I had hanging in my office for decoration. It's fine. Easy peasy. I've always been more practical than snobby, and here again my practicality has won out. It's nice. I like it!

OK, that's all.

Peace,
Bruce

We're back!!

2008-09-21T19:52:00.003-04:00

I have no idea if this made the national news or not, but the Midwest actually got a hard hit from the tail end of hurricane Ike. Brax and I have been without power since Sunday. We got a windstorm like you wouldn’t believe. It only rained for a minute, that’s the kicker. It rained for, like, a nanosecond, and it winded for about 8 years. We had 80 MPH winds here in Ohio. I know that some of you live in places where real hurricanes happen, and that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, but to us it was like Armageddon. The big giant tree in my back yard got pulled up by the roots and landed balanced perilously on my house and my neighbors’ house. Trees were down all over the city! Many roads were impassable, all the stoplights were out. We finally got our power back at around 2 this morning. Plenty of people are still in the dark, though.

Fortunately for us, Topher and the Science Pirate, who live right up the street, got power back that first night, so we were able to keep our food there, and charge our phones, and I was able to go over there to blow dry my hair, which, I am not even kidding, was the main reason I missed electricity. (I have heard people say “Libby’s hair is so smooth and sleek.” No, it is not! Libby’s hair is psychotic and wavy and frizzy and puffy if she doesn’t blow dry it. And it’s too short to put in a ponytail. I am utterly dependent on the blow dryer. Don’t tell, like, Barbara Kingsolver and Gloria Steinem, I’m sure they’d be disappointed in me. I am reminded of the time on Oprah where Oprah had the audience answer the question “what modern invention can’t you live without?” and the number one answer was “hairspray.” I thought those women were really stupid and shallow at the time.)

Yes, by the end I had decided that I was fine without power EXCEPT for the fridge, the hair dryer, and a single lamp. (We have a gas stove, fortunately.) If I could have those things, I’d be OK. I didn’t actually miss TV at all, and I felt sort of liberated by being barred from the internet. At night, I put about 10 tea lights in a clear glass pie pan with a little bit of water in the bottom, and that was plenty of light to read by. I picked up my lonesome, dusty, too-good-for-me guitar for the first time in about 4 months (PS my fingers hurt). We played board games. I talked to my neighbors more than usual. Brax and the boys and I rode our bikes all over town. I had an excellent excuse to eat in restaurants twice a day. I got a day off work and a free bottle of wine for coming in when the power was out only to be sent home. I knitted on a blanket. I wrote. It was cool. (That’s not to say I wasn’t relieved when the power came back on. We weren’t equipped. We were running out of candles.)

My parents, on the other hand, had NO RUNNING WATER. Because they have well water, and the water gets from the well to their house via an electric pump. They had to rent a room at the Motel and shower there every day. Also all the crazy-militia-prepare-for-the-apocalypse folks in my hometown went batshit when the windstorm came, and they all bought all the gas and all the ice and all the milk and bread and batteries and flashlights and probably bullets too. So you couldn’t get any of those things in my hometown for days. Like, my mom needed to go to the airport and she said to me “I have no idea where I’m going to get the gas.” Seriously. I think this is very funny. What did they think was going to happen? They raided the I.G.A. and then they went home and hunkered down for a siege. Sometimes I miss that crazy place.

A lot of people out in the ‘burbs were, according to the newspaper, VERY ANGRY about how long it was taking to get their power back. That sort of got my goat. The newspaper quoted a lady from Hilliard saying that she was so angry that she was going to deduct the cost of the meat in her freezer from her electric bill. I was like, oh, you’re entitled to electricity, princess? You’re lucky to have meat to lose! You’re lucky to have a freaking freezer! For one thing, how about instead of getting pissed about it, you be grateful that you don’t live in Galveston and therefore your house didn’t just get leveled and you didn’t lose any loved ones. For another, I am sure it really sucks to have to talk to your family. For a third, shit happens. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you will be lucky indeed. For a fourth, the electric company is working really hard and doing their best, and we just don’t have the infrastructure to deal with 80 MPH winds. And finally, for the fifth thing, many people would be ASTONISHED by your freezer full of meat, because they only get to eat meat on special occasions and they don’t have household freezers, and meat doesn’t come from a grocery store, it comes from a goat that they have raised from a kid and when they kill it that’s all they get til they get another goat, so what I’m saying is, you are so completely unaware of your privilege that I’d like to meet you in person so I could smack you.

I think sometimes you can tell when people have never lived anywhere different or met anyone from a different culture or maybe even never watched PBS. Anyway, the moral of the story is, when something that happens in other places all the time happens in a place where it has never happened before, everyone flips their lid, and I ride around on my high horse laughing at them.

Anyway, we're back.

Spooky!

2008-09-10T11:48:00.002-04:00

Brax,

This is neat! You can read scans of all the old newspaper articles about Jack the Ripper. It's the kind of nerdy thing I really like. If I still worked in an office, I probably would have spent half my day doing it.

Bruce

every seeeeeeecond of the night! I live another life!

2008-09-09T13:11:00.004-04:00

Brax,
I am so into Heart right now. I started listening to them because I wanted to do "What About Love" at karaoke, which I did last night, and it was an excellent choice, and now I am in the Unstoppable Heart Zone. I think I'll do "These Dreams" next week.

Here we are at karaoke last night. So much fun! For one thing, I discovered whiskey and shared my new knowledge with Brax, and so obviously we were AMAZING all night.

See, I was at work, and there was Jameson. And I said, "I don't like whiskey! I never drink liquor. I'm nervous about this Jameson." And one of the chefs, a wise young man, said, "just drink it, it'll be fine. You might barf."

So heeding that excellent advice, I drank the whiskey and then I was AMAZING for the rest of that night. So last night Brax and I both got a shot of Jameson early in the night, and we sipped these shots and were happy. Also, it was a slow night so we both got to sing 4 times. Sweet!

So I'm on a knitting hiatus. NO KNITTING FOR 2 WEEKS. Except tonight when I will do some minimal book knitting at KPH. But other than that, no knitting for 2 weeks. Also: no holding my coffee cup in my right hand, no carrying heavy glass water pitchers at work, no writing for more than 30 minutes, reduced typing, and no chopping veggies (BTW, this product will change your life if your wrist hurts and you want to chop things. It will change your life even if your wrist doesn't hurt.).

Gotta let the ol' girl heal. It SUCKS, man. But winter is coming and I need to be all healed up so I can make scarves and sweaters and hats and mittens. And maybe socks, now that Cabbage taught me that it's ok to just make stockinette stitch socks, despite what the lace sock mafia tells you. Don't let them get to you, guys, there's nothin' wrong with a st st sock.

So instead of knitting or writing (i.e. my two favorite things) I've been...cooking! I made this really excellent lentil soup yesterday.

Here is the recipie!

Bruce's Delicious Easy-Ass Crock Pot Lentil Soup
makes a zillion servings

1 lb dry lentils
2 medium carrots
2 medium potatoes
3 stalks celery
1 large onion
1 clove garlic, smashed
6 cups vegetable stock or water (I used a little of both)
bay leaves
savory
salt and pepper

Chop up all the veggies using your Vidalia Chop Wizard. Wow, that was fast! Now throw everything in the Crock Pot. Cook on high for 3 hours. Eat.

You guys, this soup was seriously delicious. I love making soup. I love using my crock pot, too. My mom was asking me the other day if it wasn't pointless for me to have a gigantic awesome crock pot since I was a vegetarian, and I had to explain to her about soup. Also delicious beans and dips and stuff. But mostly soup. I'm going to do mushroom soup next. I've never made mushroom soup before and I bet it will be fun and also the jam.

Today is the first really autumnal day, and so it is good soup weather. I'm enjoying the chill in the air.

This blog post made my hungry. I'm going to go eat some soup now.

Luv,
Bruce

Fall! Just around the corner!

2008-09-03T11:44:00.003-04:00

Okay, Bruce!

I totally meant to post some pictures of the exciting times I've been having, but I left my camera over at Juan's house during cupcake night. Sorry! You're stuck looking at this clock I bought. (boy is the lighting terrible!)

I sure love this clock. It's a little slow, though (which has gotten me in trouble). I got it at the antique store next to the vegetarian cafe down the street. God, I love living in Columbus again! Mostly, I have been just puttering around my house, working on the secretproject, and dicking around with friends.
I also got to go to the Craftin' Outlaws craft fair! It was totally amazing. Of course, I didn't take any pictures of the actual fair, but here is a bag I bought:

Get it? It's hippoes! They are saying Hip Hop! How very clever.

Okay, I really do wish I had some more news for you. Sorry about that! I'm looking forward to fall very much. We're going to have a special feast to celebrate the equinox! Also, we are going to amp up the secretproject and be very busy. I'm mostly excited to do fall sorts of things, like the Corn Maze, the Pumpkin Festival, and the Rennaisance Festival!

In short, I'm excited for fall! So that means it should quit being 90 degrees all the time.

Love,

Brax to the max

Crud

2008-08-28T15:19:00.007-04:00

Brax,

Well, here I am, home sick while you and Josh work your butts off on the secret project. It sucks! Who gets sick in summer? Seems all wrong. I don't know how, but sometime last year I became a person who is extremely susceptible to stomach bugs. Little achey ones, big revolting ones, they all find a comfy home in my gut. I used to never get sick. Huh.

Anyway, I wish I was helping you with stuff today, but I am really in no condition. I'm going to try and get myself together to at least go meet up with Miss Tyler tonight, since she is visiting from Arizona and I'd hate to miss her. I'll probably have to miss out on all the usual Tyler insanity, though. I shouldn't drink or stay up late. Or have any fun. Or eat dairy. Joseph P. Bummer IV.

The other awesome thing is that I can't knit because we went kayaking on Sunday and it hadn't occurred to me that four hours of paddling would pretty much destroy my weak, sad little right wrist. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. It's been 4 days, so it's getting better, but seriously. BOOOOOOO. So yeah, you heard right, I'm stuck in the house sick and I can't even knit. Total waste.

We had a nice KPH this week. It was my last activity before I was stricken. Here's a cute picture of you knitting on your squishy green awesomeness.

Other knitters included Mr and Ms Cabbage, lookin' like the cutest couple in towne. The couple that knits and drinks together stays together. (I am personally totally destroying her headless veneer. Haaaaaaah!)

Tome was practicing his K's and P's. He's getting a refresher course, since he hasn't knitted in a long time. He'll be off his practice swatch and onto a big project in no time.

His t shirt says "Save a horse, ride a cowboy." Brax and I agree that this is hysterical.

Of course, Matt and I were there too but we both look stupid in the pictures. I think I knitted a total of 15 stitches that night because of the wrist.

Labor day! I'm leaving Saturday morning to see what nature has been up to lately. We're heading to Red River Gorge for the long weekend. Hiking! No kayaking, though. I would really love to kayak, but, you know, the wrist.

You don't think about how much you count on your wrist until it tells you to take this job and shove it. Right at this moment I'm thinking about how I need to wrap up this blog post before I make it worse. Other things that are suddenly difficult include: carrying around my coffee cup, holding my book, text messaging, blow drying my hair, and chopping veggies. I'm not sure when it starts being a doctor thing. I am pretty sure the doctor would tell me to try not to use it very much, take ibuprofen, wear a brace at night, and ice it when it swells up, all of which I'm doing anyway, so why even bother?

longing for the days when I was young, healthy, and robust,
Bruce

Early Towne

2008-08-21T15:10:00.005-04:00

Bruce,

So I was lying in bed this morning, finishing up "Jamaica Inn," when I heard a knock on the door. A knock on the door? At 8:30 AM? The following thoughts ran through my mind:

OMG, it's the Vicar!
Who knocks on doors at 8:30 AM? Some sort of early-morning serial killer?
You know, I used to get to work by this time. What have I become?
Oh no, what if it's my downstairs neighbor and there is somehow water leaking into her apartment again?
Oh god, what if it's my landlord, here to deliver another stern lecture on the importance of keeping the shower curtain ALL THE WAY OVER by the wall....What if he's here to evict me for the leaking water??

By this time, I had pulled on my bathrobe. I answered the door in my crazyhair, and it turns out it was the Fed Ex guy with a BOX! And guess what was in the box..............

My new laptop! Hooray, I have rejoined the land of the living! I can stop living like a vagrant, switching between borrowed laptops to get any work done. (Yes, I have since changed the background from the creepy bamboo) The early arrival caught me off guard. I got an email saying it had shipped yesterday, but according to the tracking number, it was still in China last night before I went to bed. Thanks, tracking number!

In other new-technology news, I also got a new camera. The new camera has more mega pixel whatsits, so it takes better pictures In Theory, but I think I'll have to work on the ol' picture taking skills. It also has a rechargeable battery! Ooooooh, high tech!

I've been working on a new scarf for ME for fall!!! Here it is:

(see what I mean about my picture taking skills?)
It's the Here and There Cables scarf by Norah Gaughan, out of "Scarf Style." This pattern is awesome! It's reversible cables, and it's so freaking fun to knit. It also calls for 800 yards of yarn! It's a squishy, beefy, big ol' scarf. I'm knitting it out of Malabrigo worsted.
That's pretty much all I got. I'd better go get some more work done on this scarf, and then maybe eat an apple or something. Fall! Get ready, everyone.
Love,
Braxie

bloop

2008-08-21T14:33:00.006-04:00

Brax,

Look at this baby!

Apparently this is a character from a video game of some sort. I don't have to know what it is to know it's awesome. There are some very good uses for crochet, people.

Sister never seems to be able to get enough attention. She walks around on top of me while I'm sleeping, and sometimes she wakes me up by wedging herself under my arm and walking back and forth so I am forced to pet her. Also, if you were to come to my house and pee, she would push the bathroom door open with her nose and then jump onto the sink and meow until you turned on the tap, and you had just better pet her while she's getting her drink.

However, when you pick her up, she gets all psycho looking.

Look at this! She is literally about to claw his eyes out. Better sleep with one eye open.

Furthermore, Lucky Lucy is maxin' and relaxin'.

Oh, and I finally found something I like about the Olympics. In the men's parallel bars, they wear little outfits with feet, like jammies. I like that.

He doesn't need slippers.

Luv,
Bruce

Some self-reflection, aka what Brax has been up to!

2008-08-17T11:33:00.005-04:00

Ok, guys. I know I haven't blogged in a long time and have been generally slacking this summer. Part of it was because I went through a big ole life change and moved and had technology problems, but part of it was also because I got really lazy about blogging. Brucie, I'm sorry! But from here on out, I vow to be much more on top of the blogging stuff!

Overall, I have been treating this summer as a big vacation, like we used to have in school. I have been working a little bit, but I've mostly been slowing down, going for walks, knitting, and drinking wine on porches with friends. It might not have been the most responsible decision to quit my job and move to Columbus, but it sure feels like the right one.

I spent two years in Toledo, doing nothing but working. At the time I took the job, it was really important for me to move away. I had graduated from college and worked 2 jobs for about a year, and I was starting to worry that I would never have a "real" job or generally amount to anything. And while I really loved my friends here, I was experiencing that thing that happens inside of every recent Bachelor of Arts graduate: the furious recognition that I wasted $40,000 on an education that may very well have me waiting tables forever, and the urge to jump in the car and drive it straight to the ocean. So when I was offered this job, it was like a miracle.

At first, I was so excited! I worked 50-plus hours a week, turning that office from a disorganized free-for-all into something I could be proud of. I got SO much experience running a business. But after work sort of plateaued, I was just left with a job I enjoyed less and less as the months went by. I didn't have any support system, and I really began to realize how bad I am at making new friends. I'm really shy and I have trouble talking around big groups of people I don't know very well, and this always tends to come off as total snobbery. Of course, my solution is usually to just get really wasted, which doesn't win me any friends either. Nobody wants Conceited Obnoxious Girl at their party. After about 6 months I sort of decided that if I DID meet someone I could be friends with, I would have to explain to them that I had lived in this town for 6 months and didn't have any other friends yet. That fact alone embarrassed me into giving up on meeting people in Toledo.

Of course, there were some pretty awesome people in Toledo who I'm discounting here. Abby, a totally cool girl I served with in Columbus, was living in Toledo and going to school while I was there. Sarah, of Skeins and Beans fame, is a super sweet and super fun sock-knitting diva. Both of those girls were amazing and genuinely tried to draw me out of my shell. But I think that I eventually just had my heart set on moving back home.

Over Christmas my Grandfather passed away, three weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was a very sudden blow, and I felt completely alone for it. It sounds trite, but a few weeks after the funeral I sat down and made a list of things that are important to me, and things I want to do with my life. My list didn't include anything about having a lot of money, and it didn't include anything about having a job with an impressive title. It didn't include any of the reasons I had moved to Toledo in the first place. I decided then and there to stop living my life with the idea that "someday" I would make a move toward friends, a job I enjoyed, and generally being happy. That was basically when I decided that come summer, I would quit my job and move.

Obviously, just changing locations doesn't fix everything in your life. There's still things I need to work towards. But I think that if nothing else, the past 2 years gave me the perspective I needed to begin to improve myself, and to believe that if there's something cool I want to do, I should just DO it! In the next couple weeks, you will all start to hear more about Bruce and Brax's Special Project, which is (for both of us) a huge step in that direction.

Anyways, sorry for the big long post with only one picture!

Love,

Brax

bumping down last night

2008-08-14T14:29:00.004-04:00

It is a beautiful day today! Hot but not humid, sunny and happy. Buzzing insects, shining sun, etc. It is definitely summer, but there is the slightest hint of fall in the air. Lucy is back in her usual window spot. She loves to lay on her back in the window. It is freaking adorable.

It is a little too warm for wool, although I am working on a super bulky cabled sweater with that stash of Magnum I've got laying around. I'll show it to you later. At the moment I'm making a lot of cotton dishrags because if my hands sweat while I'm knitting they won't just felt. Also they're not a giant heavy wool thing in my lap. (The obvious solution here is socks, but guys, I tried so hard and I don't think I can do it. I can't focus on socks! And then when you're done you have to make a whole other sock!) Anyway, I like my dishrags. Functional!

OK, I've got some book writing to do...enjoy your day, everyone!

Bruce

a lot before my coffee.

2008-08-12T11:41:00.007-04:00

Brax,

1) There are 22 year olds running around my neighborhood selling magazines and pretending it's for a good cause, because it's for a contest or program or something that is for young entrepreneurs. A young man in a hemp-and-seashell necklace knocked on my door when I was puttering around in my pajamas, pre coffee, hair standing straight up, and really incredibly groggy since I had bizarre sleep last night (details in a minute). He started off by saying that he wasn't collecting donations so I didn't need to punch him. I was so confused. Then he went into this big thing and kept handing me things to look at and finally I said, I don't understand, what is it again? And he said it was a "communications contest" for young entrepreneurs to see who is the best communicator. And I said "I still don't understand, are you asking me to buy a magazine?" And he said "yes. I know you don't need any magazines but you should buy one just to help me win the contest."

Then he started asking me questions to try and tie my life back to one of these magazines but I was crafty and didn't answer with anything that was magazine-related. like "what do you do for fun?" I answered, "reading." No magazine! At least not on his list. "Do you like to work out?" NOOOOOOOO. "Huh! Coulda fooled me!" Then he asked if I had kids or whatever, and I said no, and so he asked if I had a husband or boyfriend, and I said yes. And he said, "what does he do for fun?" And because Matt just told me last night that he wants to learn to sew so he can make himself ties and vests, and because I knew that it would weird out this little Douchbag In Training, I said "he likes to sew." WELL.

"No way! Wow. Does he like to cook and clean too?"
"I don't need any magazines."
"No one needs magazines! Just buy one to help me out."
"No."
"If you buy one I put a tag on your door so that none of the other people doing this will knock on it. If you don't buy one they'll be knocking on your door all day."
"No."
"Is it because I'm a jerk or something?"
"No, I just don't want any magazines."

Then he turned around and swore like he'd just missed the big touchdown. He was seriously pissed off.

So now I'm hiding in my office with the downstairs all locked up in case more business majors try to sell me things that I admittedly don't want or need but which I should buy "to help them out." I would also like to note that he called me "Ma'am" at least 150 times in the 5 minutes he was at my door.

I think those kids are in the WRONG NEIGHBORHOOD. You know who does really well on my street? The HRC people, and the Obama people, the union people. This is not a neighborhood full of people who want to "help out" business majors. This is not the kind of neighborhood where we want to "punch" people collecting for charity, but are happy to buy some crap we don't need so you can win some communications prize that I don't understand because you have not communicated it to me clearly. Huh. Look, it was just a lot before my coffee.

2) It is an excellent day for lounging in your window seat.

3) My bed is a horrible nightmare. I never sleep through the night and the right side of my lower back hurts all the time because the bed dips down in the center. We can't afford a new bed right now because of that time I quit my job to find myself and I didn't have any income for a month and a half and then started a big secret project which will mean money soon but not right now. This whole bed situation came to a head last night around 3 AM, when I got so frustrated that I woke Matt up to bitch. We moved to the futon in Matt's office. I had forgotten what it felt like to sleep deeply. I slept so deeply that it took an hour to really wake up, and I felt like I'd been sleeping for days but I hadn't. My back feels a whole lot better too, after only one night. ON A FUTON. That's how bad the bed is--the futon was like a temperpedic to me. Sucksville.

4) MADCRAFTING! For one thing, I signed up for a sewing class so I can learn how to sew correctly. For another, a few weeks ago I went to the national quilt show with Matt's mom, and while I was there I kind of randomly picked up a needle felting kit and a bunch of pretty roving. Now I'm going to totally needle felt something rad onto this bat fabric I picked up the other day.

Look at how awesome this bat fabric is. LOOK AT IT.

If you live in central Ohio, and you like fabric, then you need to go to Sew To Speak. They've got bat fabric, man. It's the cutest, friendliest shop. Go there!

5) My office chair needs a cushion. Cascade Magnum! I'm lookin' at you. I don't want my cushion to be a whole big thing. I want it to be knitted in an evening, stuffed full of fiber fill, and cushioning my butt tomorrow. So maybe I'll start that. If it works out I'll share the pattern with you guys.

End transmission--I'm starving.
Bruce

Visual stimulation

2008-08-09T11:30:00.008-04:00

Brax,

The Columbus Knit Purl Hurl will now come to order.

Cabbage got her sweater mojo back.

The Science Pirate is making a beautiful fuzzy sweater!

You couldn't make it that day. You'd better clear your calendar for next time!

Pabst was there. Pabst always makes time for KPH.

Back home: I caught Lucky Lucy getting crazy with some wool.

Look at those back feet! You can tell she's about to do that back leg kick thing they do when they're really going to town.

Happy Saturday! I'm working a 12 hour day, but I'm happy for those of you who have the day off. Enjoy yourselves.

-Bruce

Oh, August

2008-08-08T11:02:00.003-04:00

Brax,

Holy Moley. August. I love how alive and colorful everything is in summer. I love not having to wear a bunch of clothes to leave the house. By the end of winter, every time I leave the house I am fighting the urge to throw an all out tantrum. I want to rip off my stupid coat and scarf and hat and mittens and boots and sweater and undershirt and just throw them on the floor and stomp on them. I don't wanna wear my coat! I want to be freeeeeeee! Free like now, when I can run outside in my underpants and still be plenty warm.

Yep, all in all I think summer is pretty rad. August has it's own unique characteristics. All the energy of June (beginning of summer! hooray!!) and July (July 4th! party party!) has petered out into a general attitude of "it's still freakin' hot. Man, it's hot." American advertisers stop trying to sell you hot dogs and pool toys and start with the back-to-school stuff.

People in general, meanwhile, are feeling lazy due to the heat. Interestingly, heat also makes people both passionate and violent. August is like the orgasm of the year. Insects, plants, animals--everything is so alive in August, and you don't need me to tell you that everyone's mating. It's like the whole year leads up to this month, when the insects are buzzing and the veggies are popping off the vines. If you think about it that way, the Pagan new year (October) makes a whole lot more sense than January. It's right after the orgasm ends, when we start the incubating, germinating, and cultivating process all over again, and we eat a bunch of big pregnant pumpkins in the hopes that next year will be just as fertile. (Everything's sex, you guys. Don't tell the Christian Coalition, they're happier not knowing.)

I am anticipating fall already, but at the same time I'm entranced by what's going on outside my window. In DC the summer felt harsh and concrete and blistering. (Probably because of my neighborhood. I bet it doesn't feel that way to the people who live in those houses on Rock Creek Park.) Here it feels wet and energetic and mossy. Negative Ions, man.

OK, I promise: On my honor, my next post will have lots of pictures of neat stuff. No more asking you poor people to slog through my brain unaided by illustrations. I just need to find my camera charger is all.

Later!
Bruce

A new magazine!

2008-08-03T11:24:00.003-04:00

Brax,

Twist Collective is new and pretty and shiny. Lookit! Lots of nice patterns by good designers available for purchase (I am totally making "little birds"), and techniques articles by, among others, Cat By-God Bordhi. (As usual, Cat's article is like, "WHAAAAA?" I'm itching to try out this Mercurial Colorbands thing.) Also Ann and Kay have an advice column in this magazine! Excellent.

I'm glad that someone has finally stepped up and filled in the hole that Magknits left when it died. Actually, Twist Collective is overflowing the Magknits hole, since it is so much bigger and more content-rich.

It's August--that means that September is not too far away, which means soon it will be knitting season! Hooray!!

Bruce

Sit on the toilet.

2008-07-30T23:56:00.004-04:00

Brax,

Get ready, cause my goat done got got.

Today I went to pee in a public toilet. It was a bathroom in a restaurant. It was perfectly clean.

When I got to the stall, the woman who had peed before me--this careful person, whose concern with the spread of communicable diseases should earn her some sort of medal from Lysol--she was so worried about germy germy germs that not only did she put toilet paper down on the seat, she also refrained from sitting down on the toilet-paper-covered seat. So that her pee went all over the seat. AND because she wanted to further protect herself, she left the toilet paper liner behind her, sort of hanging half off the seat onto the floor.

So I had to go get paper towels, use them to PICK UP HER BUTT-PROTECTOR and flush it down the toilet, then I had to WIPE HER PEE off the seat, and then make my own toilet paper toilet-seat-liner because I knew her pee had just been there. (Naturally, my toilet-seat liner did NOT end up halfway in the toilet, halfway on the floor. Plus I sat on it.)

LADY, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I JUST CLEANED UP YOUR PISS. I think that makes me a lot more likely to get a disease than you would from sitting your stupid butt down on the toilet.

Here is what sends me into fits of rage: Whenever you sit down in a public bathroom and realize "ewwwwwwwwww oh man I just sat in pee," it is because the asshole who peed before you was afraid to put the backs of her precious thighs on the public toilet seat. Not only is this inconsiderate and disgusting, it is also incredibly unsanitary. Way more unsanitary than, say, sitting down on the toilet seat.

What is more, these people do not care that someone else then has to cope with the piss they left laying around. What does it matter--the staff will clean it up, and they don't mind piss, right? I mean, they're poor. It's their job to deal with my golden, beautiful piss. It's just my job to keep the backs of my prissy, milky-white thighs sanitary.

Have you ever, in your whole life, ever heard of someone getting sick from a public toilet? EVER? No. No, you haven't. If you have it was either A) a friend of a friend of your mom's college roommate's cousin's dog, or B) one person once, in the vast number of people you've ever met in your life.

People don't get sick from public toilets, you guys. What do these people think they're going to catch? A head cold in their vagina? I bet they don't even know. I bet if I said "what are you worried about catching in the public bathroom?" to one of them, they'd say "umm....germs! diseases! pee is gross!"

And I would say unto them: Sit your whiny princess ass down on the toilet and pee like a regular person. Then wash your hands. Jesus Christ.

-Bruce

All my posts are about cats!

2008-07-29T14:58:00.003-04:00

Bruce,
Ugh, I'm hung over today. I hope I didn't make too much of an ass of myself last night. I really enjoy living in Columbus. Particularly the friends and hangouts. Of course, I do sort of miss my old apartment...the central air in particular. And there was so much space! I think the cats miss all that space too. They don't have as much room to run around, so they seem to be getting in each other's way a lot. They have taken to lazing around the new apartment, hiding in closets or trying to find cool spots on the floor. Fred has a really funny way of laying with his front feet together like so:

He is a little gentleman. Hmm, I think that's Katie's umbrella. Also, Oscar has developed a new fear: the garbage truck. Every few days, a truck comes to empty the dumpster, and Oscar crawls into the bed and hides under the comforter. What a big baby.

Anyway, the reason for all this old-apartment-sentimentalism is that yesterday, I drove up to Toledo and moved the last of my belongings outta there. That's right! I officially don't live in Toledo any more. I always leave a few weeks of "overlap" time between apartments, so that I have a little extra time before I have to have the old place clean and empty. It is unhelpful in some ways because for that month or whatever, you sort of have this "I still have moving to do" sword hanging over your head, and it is Blessed Relief to finally have that done. However, it is also very helpful to not have to have everything done in one marathon moving day.

(I think you'll remember that Historically Awful Move of 2003, where we all had leases beginning the exact day we had to be out of our shared house. It was sort of a nightmare, not helped by the fact that we threw a giant party the night before, complete with a stripper pole installed in the living room. But I digress.)

Anyway, even though we're working with a smaller space, I do like my new apartment. It has hardwood floors, plenty of windows, a basement, and a nice big kitchen. I will just have to get used to the cats doing their "exercise" at 5:30 in the morning: chasing each other back and forth across the length of the apartment, making sure to run across my head and hiss at each other with each pass.

Lylas,
Brax

the late-sleeper inferiority complex continues, PLUS: mosquitoes.

2008-07-28T11:13:00.007-04:00

Brax,
I woke up this morning at around 9 and started reading my book, and the little girl in my book gets up extra early every day so she can take care of her chickens before school. Then I thought, my grandpa used to go to breakfast every day before work. Then I started thinking about how the Gilmore Girls go to breakfast. And isn't it nice? They go to breakfast together every day! Before work and school! I got sort of enchanted with the idea of getting up early enough to do stuff before the stuff you have to do. There are people out there who get up every morning, like, waaaay before they need to, just so they can do stuff in the morning.

Well.

I wish I could be like that. It seems so goddamn wasteful to sleep til 8:30 or 9 every day (if I've been drinking, 11:30). It's my natural cycle to wake up at 8:30 or 9, and I feel the happiest and the healthiest when I do this. Still. I was thinking about how nice it would be to have your day start all early-like. My mom gets up and takes the dog to the barn and visits all the animals and gives them treats. Then she reads the paper--all before work! I, on the other hand, when I had to be places in the morning (which I don't anymore) used to barely get up with enough time to shower, and I was usually 15 minutes late anyway. And I HATED IT. Hate. Ed. It.

So. Anyway, I am obviously not going to be one of those people, but wouldn't it be cool if I was? I'd wake up naturally at 6, and then have a cup of coffee and shower, and then I'd go to breakfast at Nancy's or something and I'd meet all the breakfast people there, because you know, the breakfast crowd at a restaurant is always a chummy group. I'd read the paper, and then I'd go to my job, which in this scenario is in New England in the autumn. My job is, obviously, something I wouldn't hate. Maybe I'd be a woodworker! Yeah. I'd take my dog with me to my wood working workshop. After breakfast. In New England. In autumn.

OK, back to the real world. I have 52 mosquito bites. No shit--52.

This seriously Gets My Goat.

The mosquitoes are really bad this year because of all the rain in June (12 inches! 3 times the usual amount), plus living by the river. I am a mosquito magnet. Instead of a bug zapper, just take me to the picnic with you. They always eat me alive. I've read somewhere that certain people have a yummy, yummy pheromone that makes mosquitoes want to eat them. I have this pheromone. I would say I got about half these bites on my parents' front patio on Wednesday night when you and Zach and I drank wine until 4:30 AM and you guys wouldn't believe me that that light in the east was the sun. The other half, I believe, I either got at Osprey Lake or on the patio of our Cheers.

Wherever they came from, I hate them. I've been all ate up all summer, but this here takes the cake. I don't like to use OFF or whatever because I just plain don't like chemicals. So I went ahead and got some of the Burt's Bees Natural Insect Repellent. It's a bunch of stinky oil that bugs don't like, like castor oil, rosemary oil, citronella oil, cedar oil, and peppermint oil. Yes--I personally smell like a giant citronella candle. I don't give a shit, I'm wearing this crap every single day until the first frost. I'm bathing in it. Those little jerks are going to have to eat someone else for a change. I'll let you know if it works.

Bruce

quickie post

2008-07-26T12:51:00.003-04:00

Brax,
I'm in a hurry here because I'm about to go to lunch with KT and she's going to show up at my house and I'll be sitting on the couch in my Harry Potter boxers and this tank top which I only wear for pajamas because it is the nip slip tank top. She'll be all pissed at me for delaying the train to sandwich town.

SO here is what I wanted to share:

1) I hate the stupid Olympics. Preempt all my shows so I can watch some 19 year old swim laps? COME ON. I get it, people are into it, and whatever floats your boat. But I don't try and force everyone to get into cable knitting, do I? I don't put cable knitting on a Coke can and give it a theme song and try and make it seem real majestic. Nope.

2) I love Barack Obama. I also love this website which makes fun of people who love Barack Obama.

3) Check out this cuteness.

That's love, people.

Lunchtime!
Bruce

Brax Attack!

2008-07-22T10:48:00.005-04:00

Bruce!

I'm back baby. Thank god your husband let me borrow his dad's laptop. This laptop is eerily similar to my old, totally dead one. Except it's big and beefy and designed for, say, an architect to take to a building site. Here is a brief description of my computer saga:

My old faithful Dell lappy just stopped working! I went to turn it on one day, and it just made a noise and showed some stuff on the screen. I decided the best course of action would be to turn it off and put it in my closet for awhile. Once it became clear that I needed a computer, I passed it on to Libby's cousin Topher to fix, because he's a whiz kid with computers. But to no avail! Apparently, the motherboard is shot, or maybe the hard drive. Something big.

So then, my Dad was generous enough to allow me to use his laptop. But when I got it, it ran super slow and wouldn't open programs and stuff. Oh no!!! I decided to try running a virus scan program, and it said something like, "There are 380 bad things on this computer." And then the virus scan guy shut down. I gave that one to Topher as well, and he's taking his sweet time reformatting it.

There you go, that is my official laptop saga. If this one breaks down I will just give up and live in a cabin on a lake somewhere. You might all be asking yourselves, "Why doesn't Kbrax just use her work computer to blog like she used to??" Well, that would be because I QUIT MY JOB!!! That's right! I quit my job and moved to Columbus, and I'm not lookin' back. At first, I couldn't find a job at all, and I was starting to question this whole "quitting your job without another one lined up" thing. But as depressing as it is to not have a job, it's way more depressing to be isolated in Toledo, OH with no friends. Now, I get to see all my buddies all the time! I even live in the same neighborhood as Bruce and Topher and his roommate Juan, so I'm very much happier now. Being unemployed has also allowed me to work hard on the "Bruce and Brax Super Secret Project to be unveiled in August!" I've also started on the Ramona sweater from Sensual Knits, by Jared Flood. I want to make every sweater in this book you guys!!

Here it is:

I'm making it out of Cascade Heather 220 in color "Turtle." You can't tell from the picture, but it's a really nice heather greeny green color.

Okay, I've gotta get back to super secret project work, so Braxie Out.

too too too too tooooo darn hot

2008-07-17T11:30:00.008-04:00

Brax,

It is too hot to blowdry my hair. My hair is really thick and by the time I'm done I'm so sweaty that I shouldn't have bothered showering. It's also too hot to care that my hair looks crappy.

We have central air but we are not using it unless it gets above 85 degrees inside the house. I am proud to say that I have only had the air on four times this summer. All of those times, it was about 4 PM and the house was boiling, and I just turned on the air until the sun went down. My carbon footprint=reduced. I'm lucky in the sense that fans really make a difference in my house. In our old apartment there was absolutely no air circulation--sometimes it would be 70 degrees outside and about 400 million degrees inside. Anyway. We all need to do our part!

It is not exactly too hot to knit, but it is hot enough that my crafty mojo is sort of...lethargic? I've been doing some stuff. The Alexandra top:

Progress has been made, but now I've increased so much that it really looks like a crazy blob on those 24 inch needles. I get to separate the sleeves in a few rows here, then it will really look like something.

Also, birthday yarn!!!!!

Blogger is just DYING to upload my pictures sideways. Why? Why? Anyway, you can turn your computer sideways and see that this is my pretty pretty birthday-present-to-myself yarn worked up into a brioche stitch scarf. I always assumed brioche stitch would be hard. It's not. It's fun! It's sproingy.

I onlt bought 220 yards of the stuff, so it will probably be a pretty short scarf. A scarfette. Anyway, it will be nice and warm and soft and pretty.

And! Now that we live in a house with a yard, we can have plants! My dad gave me some zucchini seeds and Matt planted them. They poked up, like, immediately.

I'm a little nervous about them, since Aunt Purl had a hostile zucchini takeover. But I'm taking the chance. At this point, I think I'd be thrilled at a hostile zucchini takeover. Hooray! Zucchini!

See, I'm reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver, and it's one of those books that you can't read without reexamining the most basic assumptions of your day to day life. I know that is a vast claim to make, but it's absolutely true. I'm only about 50 pages in and I'm already all "NO MORE ASPARAGUS OUT OF SEASON! WHERE THE HELL DID THIS APPLE COME FROM? WHO LAID THIS EGG?" And so on. (Go on, send my husband a sympathy card, I won't be offended.)

I mean, I'm not going to go living off the land (yet). I live in the city! But next summer I'm going to garden something fierce, and I'm going to immediately renew my commitment to the farmer's market, which lapsed when we moved. I don't know what market to go to here. Any Columbus readers have a recommendation?

Sincerely,
Bruce

P.S. Cheer up!

Lazy summer days

2008-07-14T16:58:00.003-04:00

Big secret project

2008-07-14T14:16:00.003-04:00

Hey everyone!
Brax's computer is still over. (Hey Topher, FIX BRAX'S COMPUTER ALREADY, WILL YOU? I bet right now, as Topher is reading this, he is dicking around on the internet, so he should take an hour off from that and fix Brax's computer so this blog can stop being a monologue. I can't handle the pressure.)

FACT: I have not forgotten how to wait tables. It's kind of like riding a bike. Although I did forget how to cope with difficult customers. Sometimes you can make them happy, and sometimes you can pretty much rule out making them happy. You just have to do your best. (Some people go to restaurants when what they really want is a personal chef. For these people, you can do nothing. It is a hard, long road for them, to get rich enough to have a personal chef, and until that day they will never like any food they ever eat, because restaurants are jerks and have these "menu" things with a prescriptive dining agenda.)

Anyway, for the most part I am enjoying my return to serving. The money is good, and I love food and wine and generally I am pretty good at talking to people. You work your butt off, and at the end of the night you have a pocket full of cash and you get a beer. It is a lot more fun than sitting at a desk, I can tell you that.

I am only serving 2 nights a week, which is fine, because it gives me time to work on writing and designing and a new **********BIG SECRET PROJECT*********** that Brax and I are working on, to be unveiled in August. Big secret project! I can tell you this much: It involves yarn. Yarn will be a crucial part of this.

get excited!!

Bruce

Re/Defining The Fem/In/Ine

2008-07-05T12:32:00.009-04:00

Brax,

It's a beautiful day here in the heartland! The sun is shining and the birds are singing and my neighbor is listening to an awesome country record real loud. I'm glad she's rocking out on a Saturday morning. Obviously she didn't stay up all night reading or she wouldn't be so perky.

I was reading Jamaica Inn all night. This was the second time I've read it. I love it. Look, people don't seem to know about Daphne Du Maurier. I never got assigned her in school or anything. She's another one of those authors that I am only lucky enough to know about because I have a very well read mom. You should check her out. (Start with Rebecca.) She's a first rate storyteller and a damn good writer.

I'm on this Daphne Du Maurier trip right now because
a) I was reading Jamaica Inn again and
b) yesterday we watched the Hitchcock marathon (hooray!) on TCM, and they showed The Birds and I remembered how I kept meaning to read that book, which is, coincidentally, by Daphne Du Maurier. I went ahead and ordered it.

She was apparently one of Alfred Hitchcock's favorite writers, because he adapted three of her books into movies (Jamaica Inn, Rebecca (Oscar winner, best picture 1940!) The Birds). I think this is really interesting considering how CRAZY SEXIST he was. Most of Du Maurier's books have interesting, strong, complex female lead characters. I haven't read The Birds yet, but I am pretty excited to see what the source material is like, since the movie is one of Hitchcock's lady-hatingest. If I ever went back to college for another useless liberal arts degree, I'd probably write a thesis called something like Re/Defining The Fem/In/Ine: Women in Hitchcock's Du Maurier Adaptations. I'd get an A on it, too. (Actually, that sounds really fun. Hm. Part of me could have really enjoyed academia if it didn't require so many deadlines and stuff. And if I felt like it had practical applications beyond intellectual circle jerks.)

Anyway. I started a new project!!!111@1!

It's a little early to tell, but that there is the Alexandra ballet sweater from Fitted knits. The yarn is Debbie Bliss Chunky Donegal Tweed. (I am ripping out the Cozy V-Neck sweater from Fitted knits in order to make it.) I was going to invent my own beautiful cabled cardigan pattern, and then I remembered that I wanted to go on a knitting vacation. This pattern is fun and easy! And really wearable. Plus I think it is a better use of the yarn than the V-Neck sweater. I'm so excited to be knitting for fun with some of my favorite things --green, tweed, chunky, raglan, cables. Updates to follow.

Sister is ready for winter.

Luv,
Bruce

Hallelujah! I Love Him

2008-07-03T11:43:00.005-04:00

Badoodeedeedoo now if I call him on the--telephone
and tell him that I'm all alo-o-one
By the time I count from--one to four, I hear him
ba-doom ba-doom ba-doom
at my doooooorrr!

Ok, I'm not actually Hallelujah-ing about a Boy I Know. Why the glee? I finished the book knitting. BAM.

All done. Every little end done been wove in. (There is a crooked seam that I should probably fix, but that is the only cloud threatening my parade.)

What next, you guys? I sort of don't know what to do. I started a washrag last night, because Brax and the Science Pirate were coming over to knit and I wanted to just knit, like in the old days. I wanted to knit brainlessly and functionally. So I did a washrag, and it's mostly done now.

I know I said I was going to be a sock person, but that might not be happening because it turns out that knitting with tiny yarn is not my cup of tea. It is a little frustrating for me to spend that much time on a sock when I could spend that much time on a sweater. I don't know, maybe it's just that I keep accidentally pulling out the needles and dropping my yarn overs. I know that, in knitting, the main thing is to do a thing, and then when it's done you know how to do it and it's easy after that. So I'm making it a goal to do the socks, but I'd like to do something that is TOTALLY FUN first. I am thinking I might rip out that half-finished green v-neck sweater and turn it into a cabled cardigan. Because the combination of bulky green tweed, cables, and cardigans is pretty much the stuff of my heart. Raglan! Add raglan in there and me and this project have reached our...um...I don't know...some scene from a movie where people fall in love. That tent in Brokeback Mountain? Er...no. No.

Anyway, I think that's what I'll do, maybe. BOOK KNITTING: OVER. I might take a day off today! Relaxtown.

Take a moment out of your day to experience my new favorite blog, pls. So incredibly cute and funny.

Through this blog, I learned about Wordle, which is kind of making my day.

It is raining here, and although we have had a freaking boatload of rain in the last month, and I live close to the river, and it keeps washing out the bike path, and the mosquitoes are awful this year, I am enjoying the wet, cool, cloudy day. It seems like a good day to stay in and knit and write and think about how you and your friend knitted a book. (It's probably also a good day to resize sweater patterns for said book, but don't I deserve a day off? Come on.)

Are you guys getting bored? You've got short attention spans. Here's a cat picture.

That's Earl (left) and Burl. They live in the barn at my parents' house. They're brothers of Brax's cat, Eddie. Like Lucky Lucille, they came from my cousin Tammy's collection of strays. She found the mama all preggo, and took care of her and found homes for the babies. It could have been a sad story, but all the babies had happy endings. Earl and Burl are the snuggliest, healthiest, happiest barn cats you ever saw. Readers of this blog know that Eddie is SPOILED ROTTEN. Their 4th brother, Rudy, lives with Tammy in the house where he was born. Cats!

I am going to stop rambling like a crazy lady and go enjoy the rest of my celebratory day off.

Later!

Bruce

Gemini

2008-06-27T11:54:00.010-04:00

Everybody,
Sorry for the silence! Brax's computer is dead again, and the reason we share this blog is cause neither one of us is together enough to blog regularly on our own.

Things are steady steady steady here. I am writing on the book a lot, and I am gearing up to teach a mess of classes over at Wholly Craft in July and August. I have to say I am also spending a big chunk of time sitting in the sun and drinking wine. It's summer! I don't think that on my death bed I'll be saying "I wish I hadn't spent all that time in the sun drinking wine when I could have been working harder." I guess in the story I would have been the grasshopper.

Let me tell you about my new house. It's great!!! I've got an office just for me, with a funny little closet for my yarn, and a desk for me to write at and a spot for my swift and my sewing machine. It's got so many windows that it's almost like being outside.

There's my desk! I'm not done decorating in here yet,but I'm already pretty happy with it.

There's my shelf! And what is that above it? Is it a little door in the wall? Maybe a gnome-sized door, like, 4 feet off the ground, just hanging in space?

YEAH IT IS! The creative genius people who built this house wanted there to be closets aplenty, and there isn't room for a regular old closet in here. So what did they do? Why, they built a horizontal closet. It goes back about six feet. For a minute I was calling it a spare bedroom, because it is pretty much exactly the perfect size for a person to hang out in there, but that was kind of creepy and really, it works fine for yarn.

I am amazed at the improvement in my quality of life in this new spot. Little DC apartment, you were good to us and you mostly did your job, but jeeze louise this is so much better.

Last week was my birthday, and Brax got me a fabulous present. We went up to Toledo, where they have some really sweet yarn shops. At Yarn Cravin' (excellent name for an excellent shop) I bought me some of this stuff that I'd been eyeballing ever since I first discovered it on our Seattle trip in November.

I can't get the gorgeous mossy-green-flecked-with-gold color to show up right, but trust me, if I could, you might pass out from the gorgeous.

Next we headed to Fiberworks, where we manhandled there gigantor selection.

I wanted to knit a bed out of this yarn and just roll around on it.

After this sweetass yarn tour of northwest Ohio, we headed up to Detroit to see Alison Krauss and Robert Plant at the Fox Theater. Oh, man. We expected it to be awesome, but we did not expect to walk out of there speechless. I have never seen so many world class musicians all in one place. If they come anywhere near your town, you'd better go see them. Also if you don't have their record you should buy it.

So it was a pretty fantastic birthday. Thanks, Brax!

OK, this blogging is fun and all but it is Comfest this weekend, and I've got a 32 oz. beer mug that needs fillin'. Later dudes!

Bruce

Oh, freaking yuck.

2008-06-19T17:30:00.003-04:00

Brax,
Remember when I said I had moths? I was wrong, they're not moths. They're carpet beetles. I bet no one ever told you that there is a thing called a carpet beetle that can eat your yarn. There sure is, Brax. They ate my Nashua Creative Focus Worsted! Apparently carpet beetles just love Nashua yarns.

Anyway, if you are curious about mean little insects eating your wool, I'd recommend this article.
They don't recommend anything except poison. You have to poison them with deadly poison. Apparently they are harder to get rid of and to prevent than moths. They don't give a shit about cedar or lavender or soap. Just poison.

I don't even clean with chemicals! For one thing they're bad for people and the environment, and for another I don't want Sister and Lucky Lucy to be sick.

I just don't know what I'm going to do about these jerks, but save yourself before it is too late.

Bruce

P.S. Here's a handy hint: when I have to look up something online that involves an insect, I do a google image search for "puppy" first, and open a really cute puppy in a new little window. Then when I click on the bug pages, I can just resize the puppy and put it over the disgusting picture of a bug while I read the text. This enables me to learn what I need to learn without wanting to die because I'm looking at an insect. That's right, everyone. That is how much I hate insects. Oh, Merciful Heaven, I hate insects.

Connecting!

2008-06-14T17:09:00.010-04:00

Everybody,

I heart connecting with knitters. They're excellent people. Nice, quality people.

For starters, Cat Bordhi. Here is a (very dark) picture of her introducing Jess, Casey, and Mary Heather at the Ravelry talk.

Man! She's kind of a genius. Brax and I were in Karida's booth, and Cat Bordhi came in and she walked up to us just when we were looking down at our feet, talking about how we got so many mosquito bites on our feet from being barefoot in my yard. Then I looked up and...Cat Bordhi! So we said to her, "We got a lot of mosquito bites on our feet last night!" And she said something like "ooh, they might not be mosquitoes if they were in the grass, girls. They might be little creepy things." And we said "Ewwwwwwwww!"

And that's the story of how Brax and I met a knitting superstar genius and told her about our mosquito bites. She didn't seem to think we were too weird. She is very nice that way.

Karida, Cabbage, and I also hung with the Ravelry folks. These are seriously, seriously cool people. They gave a talk, and it was their first time giving a presentation about Ravelry, and they did a great job!

L to R: Karida, Jess, Me, Cabbage, Casey

After the talk we headed to the Surly Girl. Casey and I have Pabst in common.

Yarmando, Casey, my Pabst tall boy, Casey's Pabst tall boy

Gerry and Mary Heather

Jess and Me

So much fun! We were all pretty exhausted from the show, but managed to eat some great food and have a few drinks anyway. I am generally never too tired for food and drinks.

See? Knitters Connecting.

Our booth was right behind the Ozark Handspun booth. Good Golly Miss Molly! Terri and David are their names. They're a married couple, and they are so nice that I sort of wanted to ask if I could come home with them. I didn't get any photos of them, but Brax and Karida and I all got some of their pretty, pretty, pretty yarn.

This is my little guy. I love him.

Our yarn combined filled up the plant stand.

(I'm getting a pretty weird reputation in my new neighborhood. "Have you met the new people? ...the guy seems OK, but the woman? I keep seeing her in the front yard photographing balls of yarn.")

So in short we got to spend time with a bunch of lovely yarn and lovely people this week, and it was rad. It's been said many times, many ways, but knitters are some of the by-god best people anywhere. Hooray!

Later,
Bruce

P.S. Thanks to Priscilla, for being great at the shows this week! It was great to get to know you!

summertime

2008-06-11T15:22:00.005-04:00

Brax,

I love this book! If you are a big fan of cable knitting, but you've always been sort of intimidated by those involved and amazing fisherman sweaters you see around, then you absolutely need this book. The patterns are fresh, stylish interpretations of traditional cable patterns. It even has a little cable stitch dictionary in the back, a section on designing with cables, and a very thorough discussion of the technique for beginners and intermediates. I haven't actually knitted anything out of it yet, but I'm going to go ahead and give it the Wine Lips two-glasses-up seal of approval.

Other things:

1) Knitter's Connection. This week! OK! Updates to follow, maybe.

2) NFC sock yarn! Awesome. Blue? Yes. Per our recent conversation about opening the door to blue. I'm comfortable with it. I'm pretty ready to have some jewel-toned bright blue socks.

...Now it's just a matter of finding the time to knit them.

3) New Knitty is up!

4) It's officially summer. I love that. This time last year we were posting all the time about Comfest and how we couldn't wait to see each other and all our friends back home. I've been thinking about last summer, and the parade of awful, awful things that happened. Summer '07 taught me two important things. One is that I should listen to my gut because my gut is super smart. The other is that being around my friends and family is a lot more important than pretty much anything else. I hate it when you learn a lesson, and it's really profound to you, and then you say it out loud and...whoops! It's a cliche!

Anyway, now we're in the same city, and everything looks a lot better, and I really feel like this is going to be a great summer. Anyway, if it's not I'll be pissed off.

Summer! Get ready for awesomeness.
-Bruce

P.S. OK, everybody, now Brax is actually in my house, snapping her gum at me, while I'm trying to blog a letter to her. Let's call this the "period of adjustment" for Wine Lips.

oh, blarg

2008-06-10T11:06:00.003-04:00

Brax,

You moved! I moved! We're going to have to change the blog description. The idea of us writing letters to each other is funny now that we're just 4 blocks apart. I love it!

For those who don't know, Brax and I were both at TNNA this weekend. It was awesome but I didn't take any pictures because a) you're not technically supposed to in there and b) I don't know, I just didn't get around to it. And when I was meeting people who were all fancy knitting superstars, I was like, I would be a total dork at this moment if I got out my camera, like, can we get a picture together? So no pictures! It was very fun, though. I got to meet my editor, Jessica, in person, and she was totally fabulous. I am looking forward to next TNNA when I will be doing book promotion stuff. WOAH!

It has been a lot of busy busy bee stuff around here, with the unpacking and the new horizoning and the big-idea-ing and the TNNAing and the house-guesting and the job hunting. Also the drinking. I am ready for things to settle down a bit so I can get to work. I've got literally NO knitting for you, and I'd really hoped I'd be socking it up by now. Oh well. Soon! Soon!

Will you be placated by a cat picture? Please?

It's a cute one!

Luv,
Bruce

Oh, Malabrigo!!

2008-06-04T17:43:00.000-04:00

Bruce,

This whole week, I've been training my replacement. Part of that training, I feel, involves showing this poor girl all around town. In the last few weeks, on the way to the bank and post office and usual "work" haunts, I have acted as a crazed tour guide, pointing out landmarks on the way. "Okay, on our left is where I buy wine! There's a feminist bookstore next door." "WHOA, watch out for this pothole...that shit will cost you a new axle!"

Kate made the mistake of mentioning in passing that she once knit a scarf long ago, and I (being the socially adept creature I am) immediately latched on to knitting as our one true bond. Not that she is going to take over my job. Not that she is moving into my apartment complex. (I think I might have bullied her into that, too) No, I've decided that I'm going to set Kate up in the knitting world in Toledo.

This being my second-to-last day at work, I decided that part of Kate's training ought to be a whirlwind tour of yarn shops in Toledo. We drove out to Fiberworks, this awesome store south of the city. Of course, we were just there to observe, not buy...and I had a really difficult time resiting...but I'm moving on Saturday. The last thing I need is to add to my stash, which I still have yet to pack. Next, it was on to Perrysburg to the Yarn Haven, which is apparently changing its name soon to Yarn Cravin'!!!! How awesome is that? It's four exclamation points awesome.

Back in one of the back rooms, I was admiring the Malabrigo shelf. I had been able to resist the call of the Malabrigo in Fiberworks, but I guess in the second yarn store of the day, my resistance had worn down. I selected two beautiful blue skeins ("This can be a present for Dad! For his birthday!") (His birthday is in November).

I wandered up front, where the proprietors of the shop were knitting. They noticed the Malabrigo in my hands and gave me some terrible news. There was a fire in the building containing the Malabrigo mill and warehouse last Thursday! Here is a link to Malabrigo's website, where you can read all about it. Apparently, the mill is probably going to be okay, but they may have lost a lot (if not all) of their warehouse stock. There is also a blog on their website with updates. They are also going to be at TNNA in Columbus, OH this weekend! Everyone in Ohio, please go to TNNA and buy a whole bunch of Malabrigo!

Of course, I did my part already:

I, of course, picked the worst weekend of the year to move. With TNNA, a party in Chicago that a number of our friends are going to, and several weddings this weekend, I am finding it difficult to enlist moving help. My parents have to come down and help me load the truck, which means a beer-free move. I don't think I can do that! But I've already decided that in lieu of unpacking on Sunday, I'm just going to give up and go to TNNA. Karida is going to be there selling her bee-yootiful yarn! Of course, Bruce already knows this because she's going to be there with Karida promoting their upcoming book!! I can't believe I'm friends with famous writers!!

So, in short, everyone needs to visit Karida's booth and check out her yarn. Everyone also needs to go to the Malabrigo booth and say a few kind words of encouragement. And don't forget to stock up!

Love,
Kbrax
p.s. I seriously hate moving, why did I decide this was a good idea?

Super long moving style blog post of doom

2008-06-01T23:31:00.007-04:00

Oh Braxie! Thanks for the moving well wishes.

I've been back in Ohio for less than a week, and I am covered with insect bites, bruises, and scratches, plus my feet are completely black on bottom. I wondered if maybe I was always covered in bug bites and scratches and bruises when I lived here before, and I just didn't notice it because I was used to it and all my friends were similarly ornamented. I asked KT if this was true. She said yes. Huh.

At the moment I am sitting in the new house, being sort of overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I have yet to do. The first floor is maybe 80% put together. Hey, good work! The second floor is an insane nightmare. For a minute I thought the bedroom couldn't get any worse, but then I decided to put together this dresser. Once the dresser is put together, I thought, I'll be able to put away all these clothes. Then the bedroom won't look like 15 drag queens used it to get fancied up for a show featuring vintage, punk, and DIY fashions of the last decade. My Chi will have room to flow. Things will be great when I put together the dresser, quoth I. Then I opened the box, got out some of the pieces and the instructions, got real intimidated and bored, and decided to go see the Sex and the City movie instead, which was really funny.

So that was a failure, but I've also been doing some homestyle crafting. Check my pot rack!

It's easy! Even people who don't know the right names for hardware things can do it.

You will need:

-1 pegboard cut to fit your space. Mine is 2X4. They cut it for me at the hardware store.
-pretty paint and paintbrush
-Hooks. NOT S hooks, they will not work. The hooks you want look like this. The young man who helped Matt at Lowes did not believe these hooks existed, but trust me, they do, and if that Lowes kid is reading this he should take my advice and investigate it, because what in the world would be the point of pegboard even existing if these hooks didn't exist? Oh, fabulous, a board with holes in it, why don't I hang some stuff on it, oh wait, I can't, they don't make hooks that will fit.
-2 small boards. The size will depend on the size of your pegboard. You'll want them to be about half an inch thick and a couple inches wide, and cut to the length of the pegboard. (These go behind the pegboard to get it away from the wall a little bit so you have room to stick the hooks in.)
-Another person to help you, especially with the attaching the pegboard part.
-Drill and long screws.
-a level wouldn't hurt.

I think you know where this is going. Paint your pegboard! Hooray! Colors! Find your studs. Mark where the top and bottom of the pegboard will be, and drill in your boards there, using the level to make sure you're, you know, level. Then attach your pegboard over top of the boards. Stick in your hooks. POT RACK. Under 20 dollars. Stylish and customizable.

We totally stole this idea from Julia Child, who was rad. She had an entire wall like this in her old school kitchen, which is, rightfully, in the Smithsonian. You can go there and stare at her big blue-green pegboard wall anytime you want. Have a drink, too. Julia would want you to.

Now, everybody, Brax is moving this weekend. I bet she's freaking out about packing AS WE SPEAK. Good luck, Brax!

Later,
Bruce

P.S. Thanks to all the move helpers, including Gabe, David, and Courtney on the DC end, Juan, Mom, and Tome on the Ohio end, and very most especially this here guy:

Honestly, I have exactly ZERO non-goofy pictures of him. Every single picture is in this vein. Even in the Christmas morning pictures from when we were kids, he's always dancing around with a box on his head or something.

Topher! You guys, not only did Topher come all the way to DC to help us load the truck, he also drove my car back with only my cats for company. He took the cats to my new house and gave them food and water and stuff hours before Matt and I arrived. Then, the next day? He helped us unload too. Thanks, Topher!

Wanted: full service movers

2008-05-30T14:38:00.004-04:00

Bruce!

How is your move going?? Everybody, Bruce is moving RIGHT NOW as you read this. Actually, she's probably just unpacking as you read this. I know you probably don't have internet yet, and things are probably Really Hard right now. Ugh. I can only imagine, because I'll be doing the same thing next week.

So, would anybody like to guess exactly how much packing I've done? Anybody? Anyone who knows me in person will know that I've packed exactly nothing. In fact, I got a package delivered from amazon.com yesterday, and opened it and started playing with the stuff, so I have actually done NEGATIVE packing.

Here is what I ordered:
1. "The Westing Game" by Ellen Raskin: it's a young adult mystery book that I LOVED when I was a young, avid reader without any friends. I'm re-reading it to see if it's any good.
2. That Spoon album with Sister Jack on it, but on vinyl. Hooray, record player!!
3. The soundtrack to Dirty Dancing. Shut up you guys, I love that movie.

I've also been doing some secret knitting for my pal Karida, as well as some sock knitting for my Mom (I know! Socks take me longer than a sweater). Of course, I have also done my share of stressing out over work: getting everything ready for my replacement, training my replacement, applying for jobs, working tirelessly on my resume....I'm kind of "over" this whole move to Columbus.

In fact, I thought of a great idea for a business: full service moves!! The second you decide you want to move, you call your local full service mover. They take care of finding the perfect apartment, settling on a lease agreement, changing your address with the post office, dealing with utilities, and all that pesky shit. THEN, two days before the move date, a group of movers and medical professionals show up at your house. They put you (and maybe your cats) in a medically-induced coma, pack all your belongings, transport them to the new location, and unpack them for you tastefully. You wake up in your new apartment, with your cable on and your shit completely unpacked and put away. HOW AWESOME would that be??

I guess the last thing I wanted to accomplish in this post was to congratulate Matt on totally being a lawyer now!!! Congratulations, Matt Esquire!!

Okay, everybody send me and Bruce positive moving vibes!
Brax

Bruce soars on two cups of coffee

2008-05-21T10:54:00.005-04:00

Brax,

We had a big weekend around here. Matt graduated! He's a lawyer now. Everyone says that they're going to call him when they get arrested for assault or DUI, but he is not that kind of lawyer.

My grandma and my mother came for the graduation. My grandma really wanted to go to the Willard Hotel. It's this really fancy historical hotel in DC, where, legend has it, Ulysses S. Grant coined the term "lobbyist" in reference to the 19th century wonks who came to the Willard lobby to, well, lobby him. He liked to sit in there and smoke.

So we kicked off the weekend with a bajillion dollar lunch in the Willard Room. Man, it was fancy. When we sat down at the table, Grandma made to sit her handbag on the floor, and a waiter materialized out of thin air and placed a little stool next to her chair. For her purse to sit on. (Mom and I didn't get Little Purse Stools. Possibly because we didn't have designer bags like Grandma? Do you think the waiters at the Willard are trained to give little stools only to bags over $400? Can I also take this opportunity to say that I think LV Bags are hideous and you couldn't pay me 400 bucks to carry one? The concept of the status symbol has tricked countless women into paying hundreds or even thousands of dollars for butt-ass-fugly handbags.) Anyway, lunch at the Willard. High heels at lunch! Matt had to wear a tie.

After lunch we went to the Round Robin bar, also in the Willard, where Senator Henry Clay personally mixed Washington's first Mint Julep. Consequently, Mint Juleps are the Round Robin's signature drink. So I had my first Mint Julep there, and it was pretty damn good. It cost 15 dollars. Which, incidentally, is more than the shoes I was wearing at the time ($13.99 at Payless).

Later that day, Matt's family arrived and we split into different groups and did tourist stuff. The graduation itself was incredibly stressful, what with the family, and the crowd, and the AIR CONDITIONING and the trying-to-get-a-cab, plus the weather was awful, but in the end Matt got this giant diploma. I am pretty proud of my guy, the labor lawyer.

Now that that's over, it's time to pack for the move.

The cats are really interested in everything that's going on here.

There is some knitting news too--I am 90% finished with the book knitting! 90%! I've got to do some end weaving and some seam sewing (but not much, because when I write patterns I try not to include seams because seams are tools of Satan). Also I have to knit some sleeves.

Once I do that, I'm all set for my next move. I went and bought me a copy of Cat Bordhi's holy book, Socks Soar on Two Circular Needles. Cat is amazing. I am totally blown away by her inventiveness and practicality . Cat has one of my very favorite qualities--she is totally no-nonsense. I love no-nonsense people! There is no crap in this book. It is all really practical meat and potatoes. Seriously, dudes, go out and get you some Cat Bordhi. Girlfriend can tie the knitting part of your brain into a knot, which confuses you at first but then, once you've gotten your head around it, makes perfect sense.

So, as you can see, because of Cat Bordhi, I am 'bout to be one of those sock people. They say things like "Sock yarn doesn't count!" and "Kitchener stitch" and "toe-up." That's me.

That's me starting next week!
Bruce

Hippogriff Thursday

2008-05-15T21:35:00.003-04:00

Brax,

It's Hippogriff Thursday. As everyone knows, in the Harry Potter world, a Hippogriff should be approached in a very specific way in order to avoid enraging the animal. You have to maintain eye contact, because Hippogriffs are suspicious. You have to bow before them, because they're proud and easily offended. Delicious snacks, such as dead ferrets, should be in easy reach. This way, if you inadvertently offend the Hippogriff, you can immediately placate it with snacks.

It's Hippogriff Thursday because I am intensely, ravenously premenstrual. It's best to approach me with all the caution and delicacy you would show a Hippogriff. Make eye contact. Bowing wouldn't hurt. Snacks are essential.

Things are a little more high-pressure than normal, because Matt is graduating from law school this weekend, which means that my grandma is coming to DC, which means that I have to clean my house real, real good because she is the kind of lady who looks in your closet. I only have one closet, Brax. How could it possibly be clean?

I spent the afternoon wanting to kill people, staring at things that needed dusting as though they'd been shit-talking me around town, and staring at my knitting as though it were a favorite son who, fresh from his 3rd DUI, would like to borrow 40 dollars so he could take Randi to the Red Lobster to celebrate her new job at the I.G.A.

Then I got motivated, and I was doing the dishes and listening to Annie Lennox. I was feelin' pretty good. I was really rocking the part of "Money Can't Buy It" where's she's like,

"Now hey everybody pay attention to me
Cause I'm a rich white girl and it's plain to see
I got every little thing that-a money can buy
Let me tell you all about it let me amp-li-fy
I got DIAMONDS, you heard about those
I got so many that I can't close my-yyyy safe
at night in the dark..." etc.

So obviously I was totally rocking out and singing about my diamonds and having as much fun as you can have while you're doing the dishes. Then Matt came into the kitchen holding a planner and a letter from the bank, both of which were mine, and said the following insulting, enraging, infuriating thing: "Where should I put these?"

I mean OH MY GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM? So I was like, "I don't KNOW." And he said, get this, Brax, he said, "Well, we should figure something out."

He said it like we needed to clean because we had company coming or something. Chuh.

So of course I stomped over to him and jerked the letter and the planner out of his hand and went into the bedroom, where I opened and closed every drawer in the room before yelling "THERE IS NOWHERE TO PUT ANYTHING, YOU CAN'T PUT ANYTHING AWAY IN THIS STUPID HOUSE BECAUSE THERE IS NOWHERE TO PUT ANYTHING!" And then I threw the planner and the letter under the mattress because that was obviously the only place to put them.

And then I went back to the kitchen and sighed the heavy, rich sigh of a sacrificing woman because, in the course of my ingenious problem-solving, I'd missed "Little Bird."

Hippogriff Thursday.

Please, Lord, don't let there be a Hippogriff Friday.

-Bruce

Weekends are awesome

2008-05-14T07:53:00.000-04:00

Bruce,
Looks like you had a pretty solid week! I'm glad I'm moving back to Columbus so I can go visit your parents more often...and pet those donkeys! And play with those puppies!
This is what I did Friday night:

L-R: Tome, Josh, Me. Tome invited Josh and myself over to his parent's "estate" out in Hebron, Ohio because he was dog-sitting for them. The original plan was to cook dinner, but I'm not sure what happened. Upon my arrival (straight from a work meeting, with light appetizers, wine, and after dinner drinks), Tome and Josh had the "cooking" well underway, and were doing that Charming thing they do when they snipe at each other like a married couple.
I think Tome was perhaps irritated at being picked on during dinner preparations by Josh and myself. The food was eventually prepared sometime around 1 am, brought to the table for "formal" photographs such as the one you see above, and then put away again immediately. I think it's our new diet plan.
The above picture is slated to be our new Christmas Card for 2008. Unfortunately, no other pictures were released for the press, so I couldn't share any puppy pictures, food pictures, or outtakes from the above photo shoot.
The next day was spent alternately cleaning our fingerprints off of Tome's mother's kitchen cabinets and lying about the house moaning.

Knitting pictures soon!!
Kbrax

Country roooaaaads take me hooooooooome

2008-05-13T11:08:00.012-04:00

Brax,

I found a cheap plane ticket and flew home to see my family last week! Here is what I saw.

It was great! Sparky is a madman, the donkeys are shaggy, the cows have babies, and you can't keep Blanche out of the pond. Spring! Spring on the farm!

It's been raining for about 10 years here in DC, but it seems to have finally stopped. We got something like 4 or 5 inches of rain in less than 24 hours, which meant that I emptied the huge stock pot in the closet twice in that time. See, the rain pools on that part of the roof, so for every inch outside we get like three inside. In the closet anyway. The other leaks are less active.

Let's talk about housing in DC for a minute. DC is the 3rd most expensive city in the country. Housing prices here are absolutely outrageous. I'm sensitive to my surroundings, Brax. I want to live in a nice place. Not fancy--just give me someplace that is clean and has a little character, and I'll do the rest.

When we first moved here, we looked about about 10 places. This was the last place we looked at, and before we came here I was literally near tears thinking that I'd have to live in a nasty ass basement. I was just out of college and Matt was starting law school and we didn't have any savings or anything. We were pretty much completely broke, and the transition from Columbus (neat little places for $600 a month) to DC (dank, roach infested holes in the ground for $1300 and up) was...difficult. Not to say horrifying. OK, I was completely horrified. There were chicken bones on the steps of, like, half the places we looked at. Why? I guess because people hang out on the steps of empty apartments and eat chicken. I don't freaking know. I DO know that if I were a landlord showing an apartment I'd get there early and clean up the chicken bones. I'm not a fancy lady, but I didn't want to live in the chicken bone house.

So I put up with a leaky roof for 3 years because a nice little place near the metro with a leaky roof was lovely compared to the similarly priced places we looked at: revolting little cellars with chicken bones on the front stoop and kitchens so narrow that the fridge wouldn't open. Most of the DC people who see our apartment remark on the great deal we're getting. It's a different universe out here, Brax.

Well, in spite of the leaky roof, this place has been good to us, so I'm not really complaining, but I must admit it will be wonderful to wake up May 29th in Ohio in my affordable little yellow house with a yard (!) and six (SIX. SIX.) closets.

Prepare yourself, because the retrospective philosophizing is not over. The closer we get to this move the more transitional navel gazing I do. Which I guess makes sense. You'll all just have to bear with me until I knock it off.

LYLAS,
Bruce

Part II

2008-05-09T18:14:00.009-04:00

Brax,
Yeah, I know, I said part 2 was coming "tomorrow" about a week ago. So sue me!

The Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival has fluffy animals, sure. It has piles of roving, bags of feathery raw wool, sheep dog demonstrations, the best soft serve in the world, and hanks of yarn what would make a grown woman weep. Incidentally, it also has some pretty great license plates.

My favorite is "Sheepy." Sheepy!

The weather is terrible here! It's cold and windy and wet and shitty. It's giving me a headache. The other thing giving me a headache is this sweater for the book, which had to be entirely dismantled yesterday. Chuh. Grumble. I think that if I can just get it to look in reality how it looks in my head, then it will be a totally amazing and fantastical supersweater! At least, it will be my style and I'll be satisfied. Fortunately, crappy weather is the best knittin' weather, so it looks like my weekend=Masterpiece Theater and yarn.

-Bruce

p.s. sorry about your coffee situation, dude!

The coffee today...

2008-05-08T11:49:00.002-04:00

It is terrible. I seriously can't handle it. I'm about to drive through McDonald's and get some fries and call it a day.
-Brax

Maxin', Relaxin'

2008-05-06T08:16:00.000-04:00

Brucie,
Looks like you had an awesome time!! Man...fiber animals are where it's at! Know what else is where it's at?? Porch+wine+knitting....aka what I did with MY weekend!Oh heck yes! In case you're wondering what I'm knitting, it is some socks for my mom's Mother's Day gift!! The pattern is Reptilian Lace from the Summer 2006 Knitty, and I'm working it sans beads. Quite frankly, I'm not a "bead" kind of person, and I don't think my mom is either.
The yarn is some looovvvvveellly merino superwash sock yarn from Karida. I joined her sock yarn of the month club, never having knit socks before in my life! It's going pretty well, I'm just taking my time with the sock knitting. (clearly, as I am currently using the February yarn) I enjoy it, but I don't think I could ever become an obsessive, constant sock-knitter. All those teeny tiny stitches are a little hard on the hands.
Here she is:
This pattern is really interesting and fun!

Also, here is the most recent sock yarn to come from the sock club:
"Raspberry Truffle." Merino wool with cashmere...mmmmm......I can't wait for this yarn to go on my feet! Also, this is a terrible picture...the colors are these bee-yootiful browns and reds. Seriously, Karida. This yarn is awesome!
The whole time I was out on my porch, this guy really wanted to come outside too:

In case you can't tell, he's rubbing his face against the window, trying to get my attention. I think it will be good for him to move to Columbus with me. Once I'm there, I'll have people coming over to my house all the time and Oscar will have a whole new audience. Maybe he can help Freddy adjust...Fred's not a "people" cat, nor does he like moving or cars or his carrier or the coffee grinder or things changing at all.

I'm SO excited to move. I'm READY!! I know I still have stuff to do, like "find a job" and "train my replacement at my current job," but I seriously want to just jump in the car and GO most days. It has been great to have this experience, don't get me wrong. I really needed to get away from Columbus for awhile and gain some perspective, and I had 2 years of fabulous work experience. But especially over the last few months, it has become very clear that for me, being happy and living a full life means being close to my friends and family....not necessarily having a great job any old place.
Anyway, that's about all I've been doing. Red wine philosophizing on my porch while knitting. When I'm not knitting on mom's socks, I'm plugging away on Labyrinth.
I'm excited to get the waist shaping done and try it on. I am in love with this color!
Lylas,
Brax

OMG MDSW

2008-05-04T16:30:00.016-04:00

Brax,

Maryland Sheep and Wool! It's this weekend. There is so much to tell that I think I'll have to do it in 2 posts.

I'm not one of these people who goes out there at 6 AM on Saturday and gets in wool brawls over hanks of handspun. I have to say, I don't really get that. (Although I think it's fair to say that I never actually get waking up really early for any reason whatsoever.) Nope. My carload got there around 11:30 ready to see what was what.

For those of you who don't live on the east coast, here is how big MDSW is:

It's huge! And pretty. And bright.

I met a lot of folks!

Some alpaca buddies:

Some Sheepy friends:
Some goat guys:

Some all-business workin' dogs:

Some rabbits (disapproving, of course):

I also had some human friends there, dyers and knitters and designers, completing the extended yarn family. Here's Karida and Ellie.

We really did it up. I got this mind-blowing root beer float. I mean, I'll be telling my grandkids about that float.

I didn't buy any yarn or anything until the very end, when I spotted this big sign that said "NEW VENDOR" and I headed over to find Llamajama! Llamajama is the kind of business that I pretty much can't resist. For one thing, its name is a rhyming nonsense word which has an animal in it. Llamajama. That's my style.

In addition to super fantastic wool and alpaca yarns, they also make wool wash. But they're primarily about these adorable, make-your-uterus-jump-out-of-your-body-on-a-quest-for-some-sperm-cute knitted baby clothes. That's right, they're that cute.

The best part, though, is that the baby stuff is hand knitted by a cooperative of women in Ecuador. So when you buy some soakers or pants or hats or stuffed rabbits, you're also supporting sustainable, self-determined economic development. Rad!

Here's what I bought:

I am itching to start knitting with this stuff. It is pretty bulky and the yardage is good, so I think I can get a hat and a scarf out of it at least.

Luv ,
Bruce

P.S. Tomorrow: Sheep and Wool: When Nerds get Vanity Plates

right on right on

2008-05-02T15:37:00.008-04:00

Brax,

Well, today I called up my dad and said, “Dad, I have officially quit my job to start my own business and be a writer. Does this terrify you?” And my dad, being an honest man, said, “Sorta.”

Well, it scares me some too, but here we are. Almost a year ‘til the book comes out, and I have no illusions that I’m going to make enough money to live on with writing and designing…that’s why the business (gulp), and it’s also why the crystal ball shows aprons and trays of food in my future. Unable to manage doing what other people tell me to do day in and out, I have invented a patchwork of ways to obtain money, none of which require me to get up very early if I don’t want to. Which I don’t.

I feel a little like a loose cannon here, but I knew I couldn’t make my life look how I wanted it to look—basically, knitting and writing all day—unless I really devoted myself to it, so that’s what I’m doing. Anyway, if need be I can always get a job. I think that, when it comes to risk-taking, sometimes people are more worried about telling people they failed than they are about the tangible consequences of failure. This whole thing fails? OK, I’ll just get a job. Whatev. I am pretty comfortable with risk. Anyway, for the moment, I’m happy as a clam.

I was a lot more frightened until the other night, when the Husband found out he got this awesome job. This job means he is doing exactly what he wants to do: he is a labor lawyer now. It’s the whole reason he went to law school, and he’d begun to think he wouldn’t be able to do it because of the scarcity of jobs. And now here we are, and he starts in June. This means he is very, very happy, and he has a bright future, and all the crappy crappy things we had imagined could happen if he didn't get a job soon ain't gonna happen.

I’m so happy he gets to do what he wants to do, and he’s not being forced to do something he hates in order to pay these loans off. On the selfish side, it also means that I’ll have health insurance. Thank heaven I married a lawyer, and not, as I imagined as a teenager, the drummer for a punk band.

So it is day 2 of unemployment, and I am trying to figure out the routine of being productive all on my own in my house. It is a very, very strange feeling. I am managing though.

Other than that? Let’s see. I went to the Nationals game. This may shock you but I’m not really into sports. However, baseball games are fun! I understand baseball better than any other sport, and the games are outside in nice weather and you can pay attention or not, and you can drink beer and eat fries. Also, you can knit. A lot of people knit at baseball games.

So when I was invited, I went. The Nationals have a new stadium which is within walking distance of my house and which is really nice. I mean really nice. It’s got about 50 food vendors, including Ben’s Chili Bowl. I totally ate some chili. Some delicious million dollar baseball chili. You can see the Washington monument from the stands, which is kind of cool.

So here I am knitting secret projects at the Nationals Game. We saw a grand slam!!

Also, we went to TR Island. I’d never been. There is a really big statue there.

Also there is a swamp preservation project thing there, and if anyone can tell me what this here funny swamp growth is, I’ll be pretty grateful.

These guys were all over the place in the swamp area. What do they be? They look like they’re out of the Dark Crystal or are possibly transplants from the Dagobah System.

And finally, while I still can’t show you my knits, I can pose this question: isn’t this one exciting pile?

Stay tuned for a full report from the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival! I'll be there all day tomorrow.
Bruce

Happy May Day!

2008-05-01T07:27:00.000-04:00

Bruce,

I think it's definitely a good idea for us to start celebrating all the festivals on the Wheel of the Year. The wheel of the year is a series of 8 festivals, or "sabbats," spaced throughout the year. 4 of the festivals correspond with the equinoxes or solstices, and the other 4 fall somewhere around the halfway point between seasons:
Today happens to be May Day, or Beltane! Happy Beltane everyone! I don't know too much about it, but I know that celebrating May Day involves lots of flowers and bonfires. It is basically a big ol' fertility celebration. On May Day it is traditional to decorate your house or your neighbor's door with flowers, and that's the tradition the Maypole came from. People would also set up big huge bonfires after dark, and everyone would take home a little bit to light their hearth.
Being in separate cities, it's difficult to celebrate festivals that are centered around planting and harvests, of course. But next year you can bet we'll be lighting a bonfire! Of course, I'm reasonably certain that we will be able to celebrate the next festival, the summer solstice, together! We should start planning that feast now.
Last night, I was feeling kind of lazy on the dinner front, and bemoaning the fact that I didn't have ANY food in the house. Then, I checked the freezer again and realized I had a whole Quorn Roast!!! I was going to eat it at Christmas, but ended up being lazy and not making it. SOooo, I decided to make a delicious May Day Eve feast!
I cut up a bunch of potatoes and threw them in the ol' Dutch Oven (ha!) with olive oil, onions, and garlic cloves, and seasoned them with...I don't know, some seasonings. Then, I plopped that quorn roast right in there and baked the whole shebang for about 35 minutes at 400 degrees. (The roast calls for a higher temp and 5 more minutes. I didn't want my potatoes to overcook, so I half-assedly "thawed" the quorn roast by boiling it in the plastic for a few minutes. Things worked out just fine.)
Mmmmmm!!! Sadly, the only green vegetable I had lying around the house was a can of green beans. I Really need to buy groceries. But it still made for a pretty good feast.
LYLAS,
Brax

Bruce's news round up

2008-04-30T11:59:00.006-04:00

Brax,

It’s another one of those days where I have opinions on a bunch of stuff in the news! Today there are two items of good news for animals and the environment! Nice! Good news! As usual, lots of all caps.

1) Wait, farm animals are animals too? Like a cat? Or a dog?

2) For months, the interior department has been putting off making a decision on whether or not polar bears are a threatened species. Like when I put off budgeting because I know I spent too much. I think their reasoning goes like this: “But…but…but…if the polar bear is a threatened species (and we can’t reasonably say it’s not) then we have to take action to protect them which means we have to actually do something about global warming! OH NO THAT WILL MAKE EXXON MOBILE SO MAD AND THEY SIGN THE CHECKS.”

Anyway, now this is happenin’. Thanks, judicial branch, for doin’ what you’re s’posed to do.

3) I don’t get what the big deal is about Miley Cyrus. I don’t know. I feel like I see way, way, way creepier shit than that all the time, like sexy-lingerie-wearing-dead-tied-up women on Law and Order and other crime shows, and honestly even the “Baby One More Time” video. It’s funny: when a woman is all dolled up and being sexualized, it is A-OK (Victoria’s Secret, Britney Spears at barely 18), but when they look kind of natural and regular and they’re being sexualized, it is TOTALLY CREEPY AND WRONG AND SOCIETY IS GOING TO HELL and OH MY GOD I AM SO OFFENDED (American Apparel ads, Miley Cyrus).

4) Reverend Wright: I’m not saying you’re wrong. I agree with some, maybe most, of what you said. But if you don’t shut your big mouth you are going to ruin our chances of having the most progressive president in decades, maybe ever. Oh my God, will you please shut up? Yesterday’s speech was about your big stupid ego, and nothing else, and you’re forcing Obama to keep talking about you, to defend himself because of you, when he needs to be focusing on getting elected and starting to clean up this abysmal, disastrous mess that we’re in. Do not ruin this for the world.

Ok, Karida says she has something awesome to show me, so I have to go look at it.

Later buddy!

Bruce

P.S. The awesome thing Karida had to show me was a delicious crab cake kind of thing only it was made of tofu and veggies, and I think it was genius and I'm going to try and make one at home.

Yes it's a good day....

2008-04-23T08:28:00.002-04:00

Brucie,

I am a compulsive online deal-seeker. I also find that if I come across something awesome and super-sweet that is also a good deal, I have much less self-control than in an actual store. I find myself saying things like, "I can't afford NOT to buy this!"
Last week, after careful thought and consideration I decided to make a few purchases that I'm very excited about. And yesterday, I received two packages in the mail! Combined, they made yesterday a super day of package awesomeness!
First, I bought a record player!!!!!! I'm SO excited. It's a portable little tabletop dealie, and it can run on either a plug or batteries. It was $75 on Amazon, and it can apparently also hook up to your computer so you can transfer your records to mp3 format. I bought it because I didn't have a record player, but I am always finding awesome records for like $1 at the record store. Featured below is "You Ain't Woman Enough" by Loretta Lynn. I also went with this model because I found the idea of bringing along a record player on a picnic or yacht trip Wildly Romantic. Like in Sabrina. (It is downright shocking that I'm still single)

The second awesome package that arrived was my yarn for Labyrinth!!! I'm sooo excited for a project I can share on the blog....a non-classified project!

I'm doing that blue as the main color and white for the trim.

Here's a nice one for you from the "my cats are so freaking spoiled" file:

Have a lovely day, buddy. Hey, want to get some lunch on Friday?
Brax

Spring Has Sprung!

2008-04-19T15:22:00.006-04:00

Brucie,

It is officially spring here in Ohio, the Heart-of-it-all. I went to Columbus last week on Business, and while driving through campus, I managed to catch a glimpse of one of the surest signs of nice weather: a nice, friendly game of Cornhole.(I know you can't see very well in the picture, but I swear that's what they're doing. If you look closely, you can see a sack in the air.) For those of you who are not from Ohio, cornhole is basically an outdoor game where you throw bags stuffed with feed corn at a big wooden box with a hole in it (see below). At Ohio State, where Bruce and I went to college, you can always find at least one game of cornhole going somewhere, from spring until...well, the end of the football season. It is the number one most favorite pastime of OSU frat boys, with yelling inappropriate things at the annual Take Back the Night march coming in a close second.

Hmmm, I guess sitting on the patio of the 4 Kegs bar (need I say more?) on the corner of 15th and High is their 3rd favorite pastime. Now....while I always thought this was a really simple game, the scoring is apparently very complex. Here is the wikipedia page all about it if you care to know. How on earth they manage to keep score while guzzling down all that Natural Light in plastic party cups is beyond me!

Okay, okay. I didn't post this blog JUST to make fun of frat guys. I also wanted to follow up on Bruce's Ch-ch-ch-changes post. (that was supposed to be David Bowie) MY big news is, I've decided to go back to school! Yeah, I'm crazy I know. I've decided that it is time for me to leave my job and my solitary life up in Toledo, and move back to Columbus. I hope to be attending Ohio State sometime soon...eventually getting a degree in nursing. Things! Happening! I'm very excited to a) finally know what I'm doing with my life, and b) live in the same city as Bruce!
And while it's true that while most of the knitting I've been doing has been for Brucie, I do have some big plans to start on the Labyrinth sweater from Stitch Diva - the short sleeved version. I plan on knitting it using Bamboo yarn from Southwest Trading Co. I'm VERY excited to be starting a new big project. Both in knitting and in actual life, I guess.

Hooray!
K Brax

stuff I like.

2008-04-17T17:45:00.010-04:00

Brax,

I am a obviously a lot like Martha and a lot like Oprah. No, I guess I'm not on the list of the 5 richest women in the world (yet! I'll be the world's first alpaca billionaire, you'll see.). I am like Martha, though, in the sense that I am crafty and I like to drink. I am like Oprah in the sense that I like to read books and I share her desire to bring great books into the average American home.

An aside: I have had more than one person tell me that they hate Oprah's book club because they assume that it is full of stupid books. This could be called judging a book by its cover. Oprah's book club is essentially a collection of some of the best books of all time. Yeah, people only read them cause Oprah told them to. So? At least they do what Oprah says and not Rush Limbaugh or something. I have a little bit of a snob factor about it--I hate seeing the big "O" seal on Hurston or Steinbeck. But whatever, she's getting people who would be reading Danielle Steele or not reading AT ALL to read fucking Hurston and Steinbeck. So I'm just saying people should like Oprah's book club.

Anyway, so I'm like Martha and Oprah in those ways and probably some other ways, like I am pretty sure we all three like pie. And now, we have another thing in common, because today I am making a list of things I love.

Here they are.

1) Cascade Baby Alpaca Chunky.

Oh dear Lord in Heaven, thank you for Baby Alpaca Chunky. I will never tire of knitting with it.

2) My pajamas. If you were to call me right now and ask to borrow my favorite outfit, I'd have to send you these jam pants. They are made of organic cotton. I pretty much put them on as soon as I walk in the door every night. On Sundays, I take them off long enough to walk to the market. Then as soon as I get home I put them back on. I wear them with a cotton baseball-style shirt. It's really soft. MAN I love my jams. I hate knitting with cotton, but holey moley, do I love cotton pajamas.

3) Bumble and Bumble Brilliantine.

It's awesome! It is this weird stuff that makes your hair all shiny and sort of tousled-looking. You have to be careful, though, because it's easy to use too much and go from "tousled" to "heavy." I love what it does to my hair, though.

4) Yarnmarket. They are fast, they are efficient, everything is in stock and ready to ship, the customer service is great, and they're in Ohio. Obviously, LYS is preferable, especially if you've never seen a yarn in person. But when you need a specific thing fast, especially something weird like a 40 inch 10.5 Addi, and it HAS to be Addi because you're a big needle snob, Yarnmarket is where it's at.

5) The Playtex Thank Goodness it Fits Bra. Seriously, I was all THANK GOODNESS IT FITS! I just got three of these this week, because when I found out they made half sizes I flipped out and ordered a bunch of them. THEY ARE AWESOME. The best part is, they fit the way they're supposed to fit--that is, the number of inches they are supposed to be corresponds with the number of inches they actually are. I think that's pretty great.

6) The Cat Box.

The top entry cat box has intrigued me for some time, especially since we got Lucky Lucy, who likes to play in the litter box, and kick litter and poop out of the litter box, and all kinds of other gross cat stuff. Anyway, top entry litter boxes run about 30 bucks. But this sucker? $8.50 for the Rubbermaid tub, and 15 minutes with a box cutter to cut the hole. It's great! There is NO CAT LITTER on the floor, people. Also it contains the smell a bit too. AND it is easy to empty cause it has handles.

7) Baby Bears.

8) Dorothy Parker

Those are my favorite things today!

-Bruce

In which Bruce announces Big News, tells you what people of taste do with strawberries, and organizes her circs.

2008-04-12T13:32:00.013-04:00

Everybody,

Man, guys, I’m sorry we’ve been absent for so long. I'm going to try and make up for the long absence with a looooong, informative post.

So where have we been? For one thing, Brax’s computer is broken, plus she’s got all kinds of irons in the fire. Me, I have been just plain busy. Here’s a thing I’ve noticed about life: changes come in clumps. Things are happening, man. To both me and Brax, and to the ball and chain, and to lots of other folks I know. Brax and I are both trying to figure out moving (to the same city! Maybe even in the same neighborhood! Me and Brax! Tearin’ it up!) and career changes and, you know, bright new futures and stuff.

What is a real shame is that I’m knitting lots and lots of stuff that I can’t show you. Why can’t I show you? Because this knitting is going to be published in a book! I don’t think I ever made a formal announcement about this book thing on here. I’m writing a knitting book with my buddy Karida over at the Neighborhood Fiber Company. This book will come out in 2009.

This also prevents Brax from showing off some of her knits because she is being awesome and knitting some of the book projects for me. Don't ever write a knitting book unless you've got lots of rad friends who will help you knit. I am lucky enough to have Brax and Cabbage who will knit for my book and make my life better.

So now that we've uncovered a big part of the mystery of the sparse posting, what else is going on?

I've been reading a lot of Sherlock Holmes. I have to say I have solved some of these mysteries before Holmes has. Did you know that that TV show House is based on Sherlock Holmes if he were a modern day doctor? It is. I just learned that from Google.

Sister has been really digging on Jackson Browne lately.

It got to be spring up in here, with the cherry blossoms!

And the birdies in the trees!

And the strawberries! Why do people spend a bunch of time doing stuff to strawberries, cuttin' them up in pieces, putting sugar on them etc, when you can just spend a fun-filled 15 minutes dipping them in chocolate? DELICIOUS! Easy! Fun! Preserves the strawberryness of the strawberry.

Here is what I did:

Ingredients:

1) Some nice pretty delicious strawberries.

2) One bag of the fanciest semi sweet chocolate chips your grocery store has. Know why? Because this recipe only uses two ingredients, and the fanciest chocolate chips my grocery store has are only about 5 or 6 bucks, so why the hell not? It's dessert! Go crazy!

Melt the chocolate chips in the double boiler (you want to keep the water at a simmer). Dip in the strawberries and then lay them on a baking sheet with some parchment paper on it.
Stick 'em in the fridge for a little bit. Maybe an hour? They're great. Next time I'm going to dip a mint leaf in with each strawberry for added awesomeness.

Ok, and last but not least, I have organized my Addi Turbos into the most organized state they have ever been in. I've devised a system! I was all shop-shop-shop for a circular needle case and I have to be honest: many of them were real ugly. So no. Many of them were waaay cute and made by awesome, creative craftspeople. Those were the best ones, but you guys, I just didn't want to spend 40 bucks on it. My friend Ellie uses a lure case from the Bass Pro shop, and that seems to work really well for her, but I was intimidated by the fishing website, and also it was still a little more than I wanted to spend. So I went to Staples and bought a lime green binder and some plastic page protectors in pretty colors with tabs. BAM! Needles organized, under 10 bucks.

Enjoy your weekend, buddies!
Bruce

the news of the day

2008-03-27T11:27:00.006-04:00

Brax,

Part of my job is reading the Washington Post, the New York Times, and the Wall Street Journal every morning. The news usually ruffles my feathers, but I think this week I’m feeling pretty crotchety, and two things, one vastly more important than the other, made me mad. Here’s some comments on both of them.

1) Meghan McCain: I know that a lot of blogs are being mean about her, and I don’t want to jump on some sort of train of people who wish she would please put on a classy suit like Chelsea and just stand there behind her dad like a good girl. On the other hand.

I am just TIRED of seeing her pretty little face everywhere. For one thing, it is gross that that old grandpa, who was probably 105 when my dad was born, has a daughter younger than me. For another, it is quite irrelevant to me, to you, and I suspect, to the soldiers in Iraq, the people about to lose their homes, the polar bears, people without health insurance, and people waiting for their unemployment checks what a rich, privileged 23 year old thinks about anybody’s shoes. I don’t mind that she has a blog and her own life and stuff, but I really, really wish the nation’s major news outlets would stop telling me about it.

2) Nukes to Taiwan : You guys. DOD accidentally sent a bunch of nuclear missile parts to another country and then they didn’t notice for two years.

In fact, they never actually noticed. Eventually Taiwan was like, “um, this box you sent us says “secret” on it. We thought it might be important.” (I'm paraphrasing.)

How, how in Holy Hell, do you accidentally send nuclear missile components—some of the most dangerous and, theoretically, strictly controlled objects on the planet—overseas?

The department of defense gets the single biggest chunk of our tax money, you guys. They are supposed to be protecting us.

This has really restored all my faith in the government. I totally believe that all nuclear weapons are secure and there’s no way a terrorist could possibly obtain one, and I think we all owe DOD our gratitude. Thanks a lot, DOD. It’s a good thing that YOU GUYS get all the money instead of schools or parks or roads or food stamps or health care. You’re obviously putting it to good use and I don’t know why us liberals don’t just shut up and trust you.

Grumbles,
Bruce